How can we separate the toxic side effects of these disorders and compulsions from the “silver linings”—the artistry, talents, and accomplishments? These are all questions worth asking because the answers, as I hope to show in this book, may ultimately benefit society and humanity as a whole.
WHAT WE ALL HAVE TO GAIN
Who among us hasn’t yielded to a temptation or craving that we later regretted? Is there any “normal” person who hasn’t experienced a temporary loss of control or recurrent obsessive thoughts, even if it’s just a musical jingle you can’t get out of your head? How can we release more creativity in ourselves without becoming too much of a risk-taker? What are the most important lessons to be learned from the collective recovery experience, and what role can those in recovery play in moving human consciousness forward?
At surface level the problem facing addicts is usually easy to identify: They can’t stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors. For self-described non-addicts who also want to improve their lives, the underlying problem or challenge usually isn’t so obvious. Yet in digging deeper, we find important parallels to what the addict faces. It can be the feeling of “stuckness,” a refusal to change, denial, dishonesty with self and others, a fear of the unknown, unrealistic expectations, feelings of entitlement, and selfishness. It can be a “quick-fix” tendency to self-medicate with toxic substances or to engage in risky behaviors to relieve boredom or stress. Such feelings and tendencies are, if nothing else, human.
Whether in the throes of a full-blown addiction or not, many of us regularly fail to make a connection between our current behaviors and the future consequences of those behaviors, a classic trait in addiction. As individuals no less than as a culture or even a species, we discount the future at our peril. We live beyond our means. We don’t save for tomorrow. We postpone getting into recovery from toxic compulsions. We think that Mother Earth will somehow, someday, clean up the environmental messes we make, just like some among us think that time alone will heal all of the emotional messes they’ve stirred up in their families and their lives.
“We ‘normies’ have a lot to learn from the lessons demonstrated every day by the recovery community,” explained Brenda Schell, program director at the Missouri Recovery Network, a group that works tirelessly to support people in recovery and educate the public about addiction and recovery issues. She continued:
People in recovery from addictions have overcome things that, before I took this job, I never imagined people could overcome. I’ve worked with people who were dirt poor, homeless, or came out of a prison or a ditch, and then someone, usually someone in recovery, believed in them and they got the help they needed to build a productive life. I am constantly wowed by that. I just don’t see that special bond and connectedness within broader society that I see every day among those in the recovery community.
Those in recovery cultivate an attitude of gratitude. We can all benefit from having an attitude of grace about what we have been given. Addicts in recovery have a willingness to pay it forward. They support each other in the recovery community. Society would certainly benefit from that model of behavior. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous doesn’t just pertain to alcoholics . . . How we [feel] powerless over a lot of what happens in our lives. How to take an inventory of ourselves. How to admit the exact nature of our wrongs. Being honest with ourselves and others. Being of service to others. Being a messenger of hope . . . pertains to all of us. These are messages and lessons that need to be carried beyond the recovery community to become a part of our whole culture.
Brenda Schell’s remarks underscore why I had to write this book. The skills and techniques that facilitate recovery from an addiction can also provide self-improvement opportunities for anyone, addicted or not. That’s what these pages are about.
SHEDDING LIGHT ON OUR DARKER NATURE
Those of us in recovery count our blessings and are grateful. We learn how to want what we have and this helps anchor us in the present time, which is crucial because, as research shows us, a wandering, restless mind is an unhappy mind.
Because you are reading this book, you either sense or have identified a need, an area of improvement you want to focus on. But remember, there is no quick fix, either in this book or in life. I’ve looked for all of the quick fixes and none of them worked as advertised. So, sorry, the quick fix is a myth.
This book isn’t a fad diet, either; it’s not some kind of self-help fantasy. But the lessons you will learn here can make life more tolerable. The principles in this book can help you have the fullest possible human experience.
A word of caution: Don’t set yourself up for failure by attempting to do all ten lessons simultaneously and incorporate them into your life all at once. Try working on them one at a time. Try to picture the ten lessons as life skills found on a circle. They can be arranged randomly on the circle or in the order I present them. They naturally overlap; life is too messy to ever be compartmentalized. Together, the ten lessons are a process you enter anywhere on the circle, based on mere chance, your own nature and preferences, or your current circumstances. As you get into the process, the order of the lessons that works best for you will become clear.
Think of them as a new lifestyle; changes you will slowly implement for the rest of your time on this planet. This thought can be scary, but just keep reminding yourself, There are no quick fixes; quick fixes don’t exist.
Consider this book an opportunity to investigate how your life is going. Ask yourself the following questions:
Am I generally content with the way things are?
Are my emotions mostly on an even keel?
Are my personal relationships strong and supportive?
Is there enough joy in my life?
Your answers may lead to the realization that what you need is recovery—a recovery that is unique, personal, and crucial for you. Recovery is about finding something we’ve lost, and what we have lost is our true self. Alienation from self is a byproduct of this culture of ours and its fixations, and we are all trying to find ourselves—whether we realize it or not. Addicts in recovery have discovered a process for achieving just that.
These pages give you the practical tools mastered and lived every day by those countless people who have successfully stayed in recovery. It may take some time to get off the Ferris wheel of repeating your mistakes over and over, but if you’re going to be compulsive about something, you can’t do much better than relentlessly pursuing a healthy lifestyle.
So consider this book a gift from the recovery community to all of humanity. Most of society continues to accept us addicts only reluctantly, not yet knowing what we have to give back. But what you now hold in your hands could, hopefully, change all that.
WHAT
ADDICTS
KNOW
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.
—CARL JUNG
Addicts in long-term recovery learn the importance of finding out who they really are beneath all of the lies and self-deception. That discovery of self is necessary if they are to develop
