The Love I Choose
To Remember
A healing book for families going through divorce
By Jude Marie
Photography by Michael Forsberg
Jude Marie and Robert Milliken have written that God truly cares for divorced families and has not abandoned them, and they’re right. Beyond the beauty of the photos and comfort of the Scriptures in this book is the beating heart of God Himself — ready to draw into His own the broken hearts of the divorced.
- Rose Sweet, Author/Speaker on DivorceCare© DVD series
I have read your healing book with great interest. For over 25 years I have represented and counseled lovely people who have suffered a loss of a spouse by death, great injury or divorce. Your book is an uplifting message that life must go on; and we must find the inner strength though God for ourselves, and our family members and friends.
- Donald Segretti, Attorney
I really loved the way the scriptures advised, comforted, and gave hope through each section. The Love I Choose to Remember is especially a great tool to help guide families and children who are suffering from a home broken by divorce.
- Bonnie Paasch, Co-Founder of Dreams, Hope and Faith Foundation
Acknowledgments
This is my opportunity to thank all those in the body of Christ who have helped me along this journey.
My daughters Samantha, Michele and Kelly for your love, patience and incredible character through our family’s most trying time. Glenda for your amazing friendship, prophetic wisdom, and for each chapter heading given in the Spirit as a light unto my path. Robert, my divinely appointed friend. For all those days at Starbucks letting the Holy Spirit guide us to each scripture.
Mom for always being there when I needed you the most. Dad, Linda, Carol, Eileen, Patty, Bill and Jim taking turns helping me through. Bruce, Jim and Mike at Lucky’s Market for your compassion. Karen and Paula at the District Office who made things happen. Donald and Rosie for a beautiful selfless act of kindness. Abraham and Sheila Ozell’s Jewelers for taking up the sword. Maria, Dr. Rupert, and Michelle at Vanguard University for your encouragement. Edna my strength and my friend through it all. Vonne, Robert, and Amber for your obedience and prayers. Marlos at Berean Church and Josh at Reliant Studios Lincoln for all your help.
Michael Forsberg for your amazing photography that displays God’s love and strength through nature. Patty Forsberg for your ability to mentor me through this process in the most loving way. Dr. Cohen for believing in me. To my husband Rick for truly showing me precious and unconditional love as my best friend and true love. Many thanks to Thomas Granade for the beautifully appointed graphic design that reflects the healing theme of this book. And a special thanks and heartfelt gratitude to Victoria Bailey for making this book a reality. Through your faith and belief in our Lord’s purpose for this book as an instrument for healing and help for families everywhere. May God’s light shine!
Foreword
My family’s life changed in an instant. Months had passed. The thick blanket of silence between my husband and me became unbearable. He no longer spoke to me or even made eye contact. I tried to address the issue. But my tears and pleading angered him. He no longer cared to interact. His demeanor was that of obvious disdain. Saddened and distraught, I decided I was a complete failure as a wife.
One afternoon alone at home, I finally came to the end of myself. I had just concluded that the tension in my marriage was all my fault when the phone rang. It was the vice-principal where my husband had taught a few years before transferring to another school. She said: “Jude is Jeff (pseudo name) home?” I said: “No.” She said: “Good, sit down.”
She proceeded to tell me that he had been openly dating his teacher’s aide for the last two years. She went on to explain, “He was very comfortable, and you needed to create a crisis.”
After hanging up the phone, I sat in the darkened study in a totally numb state. Soon, the adrenalin rose up within me. I thought, “Create a crisis?” How little I knew of the crisis I was about to create.
I took all of his clothes, packed them in boxes, and put them in the back of the family van. I drove an hour to his school. There, I left the van and drove his car home.
He came home right on schedule. He entered the house, plowing through the front door like a bull knocking down a gate in a rodeo. I sat quietly on the fireplace hearth as he walked into the living room.
He had an hour to think about how he would approach the situation. Evidence of that thought process unfolded soon after.
His full acceptance of his situation became apparent. For me, the numbing shock, that gave way to the adrenalin rush, was now cascading over every cell of my body in the form of acute emotional pain. There was a new stark awareness that the family I loved, was now being shredded. He was like a bear clawing away and shredding the hearts of my children and me.
Soon, the previous six or seven months of emotionally wrenching rejection and denigrating eccentricity began to make sense. This new awareness ushered me into a place of pain I never imagined possible.
I was swimming in waves of pain that felt like stinging poison through every cell. That night God through a friend gave me our Lord’s promise. He spoke through the promise in Isaiah 54. This scripture would be the new template for my life, and the promise I would hold on to. God knew only He would prepare me for the ensuing divorce and dysfunctional court system I was about to endure. I knew as long as I honored God with my life, He would honor and bless my family through this trial.
The next two years included questionable delays for temporary and regular child support. The system was so inept my first court date — an Exparte’ emergency hearing to receive temporary support — was knocked off the calendar. This occurred when the court had assigned my husband to one courtroom and me to another.
Another action taken by the court involved civil rights violations. My child support and alimony were taken away without a hearing. This resulted in a forced sale of our family home. My daughters and I moved twice so I could keep my job and court ordered health insurance. This time was particularly stressful for us.
I taught school during the day and worked at a grocery store at night. In addition, I was attending graduate school for my teaching credential. Unfortunately I was injured in a car accident and went on disability. Without a regular paycheck and with delayed disability payments I was unable to pay my rent and we were evicted from our apartment. The anguish was truly immense for my children and me. Yet, God provided! He brought wonderful giving people into our lives who helped us survive. His Holy Spirit was the light unto our path. God strengthened my family through His word. He confirmed His magnificent presence throughout our circumstances while His beautiful gifts in nature comforted and restored us. He honored His promises made in Isaiah 54.
The chapter headings for this book were given to me by my mentor Glenda Finn. Each chapter is God’s message through His prophetic word. God laid out our path before us. We just needed to walk through in faith. This is a book of God’s love, and providence through His word, His people, His spirit and the beautiful gifts He gives us through nature. He surrounded my family with His love. This is
