a piece of clip art again. “I didn’t make him go. This was his dream. His big opportunity. He wanted to go.”
“He didn’t want to go.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“He told me he was scared,” she said.
“Of what?”
“Of leaving you.”
“That’s not not wanting to go.”
She watched me for a moment like she was trying to unravel my brain, but I didn’t want it unraveled, so I looked back at the screen. The plane had scarcely moved a nanometer. “He called me a brat,” I said.
“He did not.”
I scoffed. “This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, Jules. I gave him a really hard time on the way to the airport.” I flopped back on her bed and she cozied up next to me. A long strand of her red hair slapped me across the face.
“Don’t beat yourself up. He loves you. This is hard on both of you.”
“Is it?” Because it sure didn’t look that way to me.
We lay quietly for a moment.
“We’re pathetic,” she said finally.
I stared at the ceiling. She had no idea.
Juliet sighed and giggled, and when I asked what was so funny, she leaned over me, her face just inches from mine, and said, “I just realized that I finally have you alone, in my bed.” She raised an eyebrow. “If I were that kind of girl, I would so take advantage of you right now.”
“Oh you would, would you?” I laughed and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. But the laugh didn’t come easily, and it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared a moment before. I bit my lip and focused on the ceiling, the bits of dust that clung to the sharp texture and swayed in the draft from the cold air blowing from the vent.
“It’s okay to cry,” she said.
That was all it took. She pulled me to her and held me tight while I emptied myself of all the fear and frustration and hurt that had been building over the past weeks. When the shaking finally subsided, she held me away from her, her eyes all soft, which should have been a warning. She kissed me on the corner of my mouth, then again full-on. I pulled away. “Jules, don’t.”
She looked hurt and embarrassed, the same look I’d seen the first time she saw Adam and me together together.
“Jules.” I felt like I should say or do something else, but I just didn’t have the emotional energy. So I just said her name again.
She got up, just like before, and left, pulling the door shut behind her. I closed my eyes and tried, for her sake, to forget that momentary failure to observe a well-established boundary. I fixed my eyes again on the ceiling, but my mind was on a memory loop from last night. We hadn’t slept that much, but we had slept, our bodies and our minds exhausted by the intensity of the days and nights leading up to his leaving, sleep dragging us under like a strong tide. I kept trying to remember what it felt like having him next to me, but I couldn’t, because he wasn’t.
I debated going after her. It wasn’t entirely her fault, this awkwardness between us.
Chapter 6
Last October 5
New boundaries
Juliet grabbed the front of my shirt and hauled me through Adam’s front door. I lost my balance and stumbled hard against her. I think that was the idea. She threaded her fingers into my hair and pulled my face to hers. She wasn’t going to make this easy.
We’d known we had to tell her sooner or later. It wasn’t fair to let Juliet keep throwing herself at me while Adam and I explored our feelings for each other behind her back and flirted with the desire—the need, even—to explore each other in a more physical way, something more intimate than an occasional brush in the hallway or a touch when one of us handed the other a pencil or a book. I’d opted for later, but Adam had known her longer and trumped my later with his sooner. This bit of subterfuge we’d just embarked on had been his idea.
From the kitchen doorway, Adam cleared his throat loudly and she let me go.
“So, what’s going on?” I asked like I didn’t know.
“Cupcakes,” Juliet said brightly. “For Mea’s birthday party tomorrow, and you’re going to help.”
Of course I am. Keeping my face neutral, I trailed her into the kitchen, slipping past Adam, who had stepped into the doorway just enough to force some full-front contact, not that I was complaining. Like Juliet, he was wearing a silly apron, and I lost myself for a moment in a little indulgent and rather sexy apron-only fantasy.
Juliet smacked me in the stomach with a muffin tin. “What are you smiling about?”
I shifted my eyes to her and said, “Cupcakes. What else?”
She gave me a hmph and put us to work. We did her bidding, exchanging quick glances when she wasn’t looking, trying to find an opening, a natural door that we could swing open and let her in, or rather us out. But she babbled on about every little thing under the sun, seemingly oblivious to the fact that we weren’t much engaged.
“This is never going to work,” I mumbled to Adam as Juliet reached into the refrigerator for cold drinks.
He glanced toward Juliet, then tweaked my side. “I know. I feel like we’re ganging up on her.”
“What are you guys whispering about?” Juliet asked.
Adam looked at me and winked mischievously. “I was just telling Nate how much I wanted to get in his pants.”
“I actually believe that. Can I watch?”
“Uh-uh. Private party.”
Talk about ganging up on her.
“Well, that’s just selfish.” She dipped a wooden spoon in the bowl of batter and tipped it back with her forefinger.
“You wouldn’t dare,” he said, laughing.
And that’s when the batter war started. She did. Then he did. Then they dragged me into it. When it was all said and done, the kitchen looked like a bomb had exploded in a Hershey factory. We collapsed into a slippery chocolate heap on the kitchen floor.
“I think we’re going to have to start over,” Adam said.
Juliet cracked up and leaned her head back against the cabinet. “What a mess!”
“Yep, you made quite a mess here in my mom’s kitchen, little girl.”
“Shut up.” She punched him playfully in the ribs and then examined the sticky ends of her hair. “Can I borrow your shower and a change of clothes, kind sir?”
“Absolutely, milady.”
She
