lightening bug: Awww, it’s probably just glowing pains!
How much of a slice of Swiss cheese should
you put on a sandwich?
The wHOLE thing!
Why do little pigs eat so much?
Because they want to make hogs of themselves!
Side Splitters!
Mom: Why couldn’t the pancake go to school?
Dad: She had a waffle cold!
She: How do you keep an elephant from going through a keyhole?
He: Tie a knot in its tail! LOL!
When do birthday candles like to go to parties?
On the WICK-ends!
Q: Why did the horse take a bat to bed?
A: He wanted to hit the hay!
Where does a pig go when she’s sick?
To the HOG-spital!
Jerry: Why did the homeowner buy a cow?
Teri: To MOO the lawn!
LOL!
Artie: What didn’t the cow like about art class?
Smarty: Drawing flies! ;)
Why did the ocean keep the beach clean?
It wanted to be tide-y!
Mona: Why do you put a watch in the bank?
Lisa: To save time!
Donut shop owner: We’re just opening the shop!
Customer: Will the donuts be long?
Donut shop owner: Donuts aren’t long, you want crullers!
Fun and Games!
Q: Can I tell you a secret about peanut butter?
A: Yes, I promise I won’t spread it around! HA-HA!
Customer: Waiter how long will my hotdog be?
Waiter: Five inches! :D
Why did the moth go to the light bulb?
It wanted some light entertainment!
Grandma: How do you make an egg chuckle?
Grandpa: Read him one of these yolks! HAHAHA!
Customer: Waiter! There’s a footprint on my lunch!
Waiter: Sir, you said you wanted a ham sandwich and step on it!
What goes WOEM, WOEM, WOEM!?
A cat talking backwards!
What Do You Call…?!
WHAT DO YOU CALL a rhinoceros that wears a wig?
A wig-wearing rhinoceros!
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL a man with a shovel?
A: Doug! ROTFL!
WHAT DO YOU CALL a very young chicken?
An egg.
WHAT DO YOU CALL two ice-cream scoops?
Ice-cream clones!
WHAT DO YOU CALL a chicken that can sing?
Hen-tertaining!
WHAT DO YOU CALL a camel without a hump?
A horse! :D
WHAT DO YOU CALL a baby gnu?
A gnu-bie!
Witty Bitties!
When’s the best time to get a good deal on a thermometer?
In the winter, when they are lower!
Q: What do you get when an elephant jumps on
your sidewalk with a pogo stick?
A: Big holes in your sidewalk!
What did the mama fork give the naughty baby fork?
Tyne out!
What’s the worst thing to eat at the beach?
A SAND-wich. LOL!
Mona: I hope I can count on you!
Lisa: Sure, use my fingers!
What does the kid of a rooster and an owl say in the morning?
Cockle-doodle-whooo! ;)
Gorilla of My Dreams!
What do you call a boy with a five hundred-pound gorilla on his head?
Flat.
Hank: What did the cow say when she
got attacked by a gorilla?
Frank: Nothing, cows can’t talk!
Q: What time is it when you see a five hundred-pound gorilla?
A: Time to run!
What do you call a five hundred-pound
gorilla in a locker?
Stuck!
How do you tell a five hundred-pound gorilla from a stinkbug?
I dunno!
A five hundred-pound gorilla looks nothing like a stinkbug!
Q: Why did the gorilla get sent to the
principal’s office?
A: He had a bad ape-titude.
