I suspect, barely taste what they eat.
‘Try this, philosopher,’ Charlot says. The pot he holds is small and sealed with clarified butter. He hands me a knife and tears off a chunk of oily bread and indicates I should dig through the butter to what lies beneath. The taste I know – goose liver. But this is rich beyond description. Parfait de foie gras. ‘Now clear your palate with this.’
He hands me a second pot and a tiny spoon. This pot is sealed with cork and the darkness beneath has mould that he tells me to scrape away. The sourness of the puréed cherries cuts through the richness of foie gras. He laughs at my expression and I think no more about it until a year passes and summer comes round again and Charlot stops me in a corridor to say, ‘You must see our cherry trees.’ I look at him, remembering that earlier invitation.
‘The colonel agrees,’ Charlot says. ‘My father has already talked to him.’
1734
The Injured Wolf
‘My mother . . .’
‘Will be distant but polite. Your father, whom I will see when I first arrive at Chateau de Saulx and again when we leave, will be too busy to bother with either of us in between. Your sister Marguerite, who I may not call Margot unless she invites me, is beautiful, distant, cold and older than me. I must not fall in love with her. Your middle sister Virginie may be friendly, she may be reserved, who knows. But Élise, your littlest sister, will crawl all over me and want piggybacks. Your mother thinks she is too old for piggybacks so I must refuse . . .’
Charlot laughs and slumps back into the leather seat of our carriage. ‘You’ve been paying attention . . .’
‘Of course I’ve been paying attention.’
The oddity is I think Charlot is more nervous of bringing me home than I am of visiting, though God knows I’m nervous enough. The colonel called me into his study before we left and told me the duc de Saulx would judge the academy on my behaviour. I was to bear that in mind. The duke has sent a carriage for us. A carriage, a coachman, outriders. The carriage is lined inside with red velvet, has red leather seats and the de Saulx arms on the door. Charlot thinks it is new. It is the most elegant vehicle I have ever seen and moves with surprising speed.
We stay at the best inns, eat what we like but drink surprisingly little. I think Charlot is worried that any misbehaviour will be reported to his father. Only once does my own behaviour worry him, when I disappear into a kitchen to ask what gave a stew its taste. Juniper, the cook tells me. I know the taste of juniper and think there’s something else. In the end, after questioning, he produces a sliver of bark and lets me sniff it. From the Indies, he tells me, claiming not to know its name. Only later do I realise I don’t know if it’s East Indies or West. ‘At home,’ Charlot begins . . .
I know what he intends to say. ‘I stay out of the kitchens?’
He nods, relieved I understand and we slouch back in our seats to watch the countryside flow past. This coach has springs so fine only the biggest ruts in the road throw us into each other or against the sides. Blossom is still out on the hedgerows, the wheat has turned from green to pale yellow in the fields, the sky is deep blue and strangely cloudless. The peasants work their fields like animals, silent and unchanging. Eyes glance towards us and glance away as our worlds slide by each other without touching. Their expressions are blank, their feelings unknowable. A young woman squats by a hedge curling out a turd without bothering to hide herself from our passing. Charlot laughs. He’s right, she’s young and comely for all she’s filthy and craps with the unthinkingness of a cow.
‘My lessons . . .’
‘Are going well,’ I agree. ‘You ride the best, you fence the best, you can read maps and choose the right bit of high ground or defensive position faster than the rest of us.’ When I seem him flush I realise he thinks I’m mocking him.
Our days at the academy have traditional lessons in the morning and drill in the afternoon. We can march, we can ride, we can charge our pistols, prime our pans and change our own flints. I can oversee the loading of cannon, even load it myself. I understand elevation and arc. No longer being first years we are allowed to wear the cockade of our academy on our tricorne hats. We are progressing as well as can be expected according to our instructors. That is high praise indeed.
‘I mean it,’ I tell Charlot. ‘Stop worrying.’
We travel the rest of that afternoon with Charlot wrapped in the silence of whatever troubles him. Whatever private storm he is suffering passes and by the time we reach the drive for Chateau de Saulx he is himself again. A long line of chestnuts both sides of the road usher us to a castle that takes my breath away. A cliff of towers and turrets and sharp roofs rises from the middle of a moat thick with lily pads. A wide stone bridge crosses the moat and enters a huge courtyard where a fountain splashes in the middle.
‘Diana, the huntress,’ Charlot says. She’s magnificent. Tight and twisted and pert and dangerous. He grins. ‘Thought you’d like her.’
We dine in silent splendour in a long room filled with mirrors and huge paintings of classically draped men and women being approved by cherubs and angels, and in one case by the Virgin Mary herself. They are, I realise, Charlot’s ancestors. We have a footman each, behind our chairs and stood back against the panelling when not needed. They wear short white wigs and livery in the de Saulx colours, scarlets and greens. Charlot kicks me under the table when I peer at one too closely.
His father sits at one end. The duke wears a wig in the old style, falling to his shoulders. He does everything slowly, from saying grace before we eat to reaching for his glass, utterly secure in his certainty the world will wait at his pleasure. Charlot’s mother sits at the other. Her hair is piled high and she wears a green silk dress and a shawl. Opposite Charlot sits his elder sister Marguerite, who looks as grown up as the duchess and a good deal more serene. She is strikingly beautiful. Far more so than her mother. As if it has taken the duke’s blood to give Margot the quality that lets her turn heads, as indeed it has. Opposite me sits Virginie. She stares at her bowl of venison soup and scowls. Perhaps the bowl offends her, perhaps it’s the soup, perhaps simply the company. Looking up to see me watching she looks sharply away and goes back to scowling at her bowl. Only Élise chatters. About our trip, about how much Charlot’s grown, about a blue ribbon she wants for her hair. In the end, her mother scolds her into silence and Élise scowls at her bowl as well.
Margot and Charlot share an inner fire that Virginie seems to be missing. It might have missed Élise as well – although it is probably too early to say. In Margot the fire is contained. In Charlot it usually blazes but tonight it smoulders. The food is obviously fresh and undoubtedly beautifully cooked but I taste none of it as one course becomes another. And I bow my way from the room at the end of the meal still ravenous but with my stomach full to aching. ‘I’m sorry,’ Charlot says, when we’re back in the linked rooms we’ve been given. One is Charlot’s bedroom, the other a dressing room that has been emptied and filled for me with a huge bed, washing stand and looking glass.
‘For what?
‘You know what. For my family.’
‘Do your sisters always curtsy when they see you?’
He considers this as if he’s never asked himself the same question – and maybe he hasn’t. ‘On first meeting my father I bow to him, on meeting my mother I bow to her and kiss her hand. My sisters receive a bow but only after they have curtsied to me first. It will be better tomorrow. Tomorrow
