way to soften the shock is to explore how we continue to feel the presence of our loved ones in our lives after they’ve died – as shown in Badger’s Parting Gifts. Dependable and kind, Badger is missed terribly by his friends. But then, one by one, they recall something special about him. Mole remembers how Badger once made him a mole paper chain. Frog remembers how Badger taught him to skate. Their reminiscences, brought to life with intricate watercolour illustrations, fill the mourners – and us – with happy affection for this wise, generous friend. Whether you prefer to tell a child that the dead hover nearby, continuing to wish us well, or that they live on through the gifts they leave behind, this book will bring something warm and positive into the conversation.
For slightly older children, the profound Tuck Everlasting makes a case for death as a positive force in our lives. When ten-year-old Winnie stumbles upon a radiant boy named Jesse Tuck sitting under a tree, she asks him how old he is. ‘I’m one hundred and four,’ comes the unexpected reply. Winnie brushes off his remark – as she does Jesse’s insistence that ‘something terrible’ will happen to her if she drinks from the stream beneath the tree. But when Jesse’s older brother Miles and mother Mae turn up and proceed to hijack Winnie, tossing her on the back of their horse and racing back to their house with her, she begins to take their stories more seriously. She discovers that the stream beneath the tree is a magic stream and the whole family of Tucks became immortal when they drank from it, stuck at the same age forever. Knowing how hard it’ll now be for Winnie to resist drinking from the stream herself, they are determined to persuade her not to – and they have till morning to do so. Only Jesse, yearning for a friend with whom to spend his endless life, takes the opposite stand.
The arguments against immortality are posed in a way that’s direct and easy for children to grasp: life is dependent on death for its shape and meaning, they say, and one gets weary being alive forever. It’s the lonely, sad figure cut by Pa Tuck that’s most convincing. ‘If I knowed [sic] how to climb back on the wheel, I’d do it in a minute,’ he says. ‘You can’t have living without dying . . .’ Whether Winnie will drink from the stream herself at seventeen and become Jesse’s eternal mate, or age and die like everyone else, makes this book impossible to put down. Is it better to live fully, but briefly, or to exist forever, unchanging? Her decision is one that readers will never forget.
Many teens prefer not to think about death at all, for these are the years of invincibility. But events around them may force them to. Sam, the eleven-year-old hero of the heart-wrenching Ways to Live Forever, has leukaemia and knows he’s going to die sooner rather than later. Turning his curiosity on death itself, he writes endless lists – lists of questions, such as ‘How do you know when you’re dead?’ and lists of ways to ‘live forever’, such as ‘Become a vampire’ and ‘Marry a Greek goddess’. He even writes lists of things he’d like to happen when he’s dead, such as his sister inheriting his bedroom and his parents not being too sad.
We defy anyone to read this story without a lump in their throat. Sam is more courageous than either his parents or his sister, and his sense of humour holds out beyond his passing, written into the notes he leaves behind. He wants his family to be a little bit sad, but not so sad that they can’t remember him without being devastated; and it’s this, the art of being happy despite the knowledge that death awaits us and everyone we love, that this story inspires teens to master.
SEE ALSO: about, what’s it all? • anxiety • death of a loved one • death of a pet • life-threatening illness • worrying
death of a loved one
Nothing is harder than the death of someone we love,7 whatever our age. Seeing a fictional character going through a parallel loss – whether of a grandparent, parent, sibling or friend – can offer a safe way to explore the complex and bewildering emotions and help support a child through the different stages of grief. In all cases, it is vital to read a book closely yourself before sharing it with a bereaved child.
THE TEN BEST BOOKS TO HELP DEAL WITH BEREAVEMENT
| CURES FOR GROWN-UPS | The Heart and the Bottle OLIVER JEFFERS | ||
| Pockety FLORENCE SEYVOS, ILLUSTRATED BY CLAUDE PONTI |
The loss of a grandparent or parent for one generation is the loss of a parent or partner for another. For the grown-up who has had to put their grief on hold while looking after others, we offer Oliver Jeffers’s moving story about numbness – and becoming un-numb. For the grown-up who has lost their life partner, we offer Pockety, the beautiful story of a tortoise coming to terms with the loss of her soulmate, Thumb.
SEE ALSO: anger • depressed parent, having a • depression • sadness
death of a pet
SEE: pet, death of a
depressed parent, having a
Kids
