lowering rather than raising, and is an assault on naturally enquiring intellects.
6| WHY MEN HAVE NIPPLES, AND MY SEX CHANGE STORY
How beautiful maleness is, if it finds its right expression.
DH Lawrence 1885-1930 English author, poet, playwright, essayist and literary critic
Why do men have nipples? It’s an age-old question to which we now have the answer, but before I reveal it I’d like to present the result of a Google search I undertook in September 2011, using that very question. The search purportedly found 1.81 million ‘hits’, which is surely a testament to the dysfunctional times we live in. The first ‘hit’ was a page on the Guardian website Guardian.co.uk where people post questions and other people post answers. The question, ‘Why do men have nipples?’ was posed by one Hilda Bird of Lagos, Portugal.
The following is a selection of my favourites from among the answers posted by visitors to the Guardian website, and I should like to thank them warmly.
‘Why do men have nipples?
To help our creator to put the breastbone right in the middle.
Louis van de Geijn, Renkum, Netherlands
Because we are built to a common pattern. But in the process, female breasts happen to be more prominent!
Jhune Catubag, Parañaque, Philippines
Men have nipples because they’d look plain wrong without them.
Morven Gailey aged 7, Stroud, England
Men’s nipples are purely there to indicate temperature, and a jolly good way of chastisement, a good tweek can stop even the naughtiest behaviour.
Janine Bailey, Oxford
I was short on male platty fish so I stole one from where I work. After about a month it turned into a female. Evidently some creatures can change gender after birth. Nipples are there just in case.
Peter Johnson, Stockton, Cleveland
I’m not really sure why but I’m so glad I have mine to tweak, at work or on the bus. Sometimes on the toilet reading the paper or while watching my neighbours through their window. They bought a rowing machine.
Andrew Anderson, Pakuranga, Auckland, New Zealand
The same reason women have beards!
Graham Foskett, Treakle, Bumstead
Men have nipples because they help men find water. Walk to where they point and when they cross, you’re above water! Simple. Mainly why men drink so much beer, I guess.
Aaron Goodwin, Middle of England
Because people like me need something to play with when bored...
Adam Newsham, Preston
Because nipples are a turn-on.
Malika Othman, Scunthorpe
Something else for the female to suck on. ;P
Lucy Campbell, Rugby, Warwickshire
So when there’s no boobs around you can pretend your a woman and play with yourself ;D
Dean, Jack and Connor, Derby, England
So if a man decides to have a sex change it makes the surgeon’s job easier?
Harry Machin, Burslem, UK
Because without them men would get jealous.
Bethanie Lucas, Manchester
So my girlfriend (with her Jedi powers) can flick them both square on and make me cry like a girl.
Louis Wood, Wellington, UK
Oh my, some people are odd...
Sara Rickard, Newry, Ireland
Vestigiality – one of the strongest evidences for the Theory of Evolution. Creationism can never explain nipples in men, wisdom teeth, vermiform appendix etc.
Steve Martin, New York USA
The male nipple is an erogenous zone; manipulation of it during sexual interaction greatly increases the pleasure. I am an older male posing naked for art classes; never mind erections... my nipples (enlarged over the years from being handled) have been found more of a sexual turn-on during these sessions.
Edo Deweert, Rimbey, Canada’
[Author’s note: Edo, have you never heard of the expression ‘too much information’?]
Needless to say, someone then had to spoil it all with the correct answer:
‘All humans begin life in the womb as females. If no Y chromosome is present in the foetus, then the embryo will continue to develop as and be born as a female. If there is a Y chromosome present in the embryo, the male sex hormone testosterone restricts the full development of breasts to just nipples, the labia fuse to become the scrotum and clitoris develops fully to become a penis. If the Y chromosome prevails in producing a male, this is not done without a fight. Male babies are weaker as a result than female ones, accounting for the slightly higher death rate in male babies.
Terence Hollingworth, Blagnac, France ’
Terence Hollingworth: a fine French name. So let me get the details of my sex change right. In the womb I started off being of the female persuasion, but having a Y chromosome meant I converted to the male persuasion. Phew. That was a close shave. I have a contrary nature – as my ex-wives might possibly confirm – and without a Y chromosome I might have been called Michaela and become a feminist and a firm supporter of Harriet Harman. It’s the stuff of nightmares.
7| ARE FEMINISTS LESS INTELLIGENT THAN NORMAL WOMEN?
I happen to feel that the degree of a person’s intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting attitudes she can bring to bear on the same topic.
Lisa Alther 1944- American authoress: Kinflicks (1975)
Ms Alther makes a very good point, and by her criterion feminists – who studiously avoid challenges to their faith positions – aren’t the sharpest knives in the block. We’ve already seen the appeal of dualism to people seeking a simple explanation for the ills of a complex world.
From my communications with feminists I’ve concluded that they’re markedly less intelligent than normal women. Not one of them was willing to engage in a serious exchange of views, and almost all of them rapidly brought out what they evidently considered a winning argument – to call anyone challenging them, including myself, a sexist or a misogynist.
But maybe there’s a sampling issue here. Maybe it’s only the less intelligent ones who are willing to communicate with me. Maybe the more intelligent ones avoid me. Maybe they look like supermodels, and play beach volleyball in their spare time. It’s
