I must have been mistaken, I mentioned my wife and that I had called her that morning. The smile on his lips suddenly froze and he pulled away from me a bit.
“You’re married then?”
“Oh, yes, and very happily so,” I replied. “She’ll be joining me on the next cruise, and I’m already looking forward to it. It’s a bit lonely, you know.”
To my amazement, I saw his smile slowly transforming into what looked like a snarl.
“You lonely? Give me a break! Well, good-bye to you, sir. There’s a rehearsal I have to attend!” At this he turned around, and by the way he walked, I could see that he was extremely agitated about something. Open-mouthed I watched him go, because I knew perfectly well there were no rehearsals planned that day. Maybe my pleasant first impression of this guy was completely misguided and most likely he was just a nutcase. I decided the best thing to do was to have the cruise director watch him. One never knows, after all.
I put him from my thoughts, but this time with a firm resolution to stay away because he was becoming a bit of a nuisance. Also it doesn’t pay to become too familiar and friendly with somebody you might have to send off the ship in a straightjacket a few weeks hence. Avoiding him proved not too difficult, because three or four days passed without my seeing him.
I was standing in the ship’s atrium, chatting with a couple of nice ladies, when from a corner of my eye, I saw Johnnie coming in my direction. I didn’t think he’d seen me yet and having had quite enough of him, I pretended not to notice him and I turned slightly away a bit to give this impression a little more credibility.
Just as I started doing this, I saw him stop in his tracks, his eyes open as wide as tea saucers, and his jaw drop like a brick. Then his lips started to quiver like he was struggling to say something. Was he having a seizure or something? That surely would explain his strange behavior of the past days. Should I call for a nurse and a few security guards? Then I noticed he wasn’t staring at me but at a gentleman who, with his back to me, was talking to someone I assumed to be his wife.
By now, I had completely lost track of the conversation I was having with the two ladies, and I noticed they’d started to exchange anxious looks about the absent-minded answers their captain was giving them.
Suddenly I saw Johnnie approach the gentleman, who until that moment had not even noticed him. But that changed rapidly and dramatically when he hailed him. I saw the man stiffen, then grab his wife’s arm as fast as he could and steer her down the corridor without even putting his half-finished glass of wine away. Johnnie hadn’t seen me as he walked by and with his back to me, I heard him mutter, “Oh dear, oh dear, and his wife is coming next week.”
Now I’d had enough. Not connecting what I’d just overheard and his strange behavior of the past few days, I wanted to know what was going on. I cut short the now completely one-sided conversation with the ladies and turned away. Behind me, I heard their sighs of relief and I was sure I would see comments about the company employing such a weirdo as a captain.
I walked over and touched Johnnie’s shoulder.
“What’s all this about? You act like…”
He turned around and when he saw me, he uttered a strangled cry, cutting my sentence short as he clutched his suddenly-pale face.
“Aaaghh! Who…?”
“What happened? Why did that man run away from you?”
“Oh dear, oh dear…”
I thought I might need some help here, most likely from the medical department. I figured without a question that this man had a problem and I’d have to deal with it sooner rather than later.
“Oh dear, Captain,” he began, but I cut him short.
“I’ve heard that ‘Oh dear’ enough times now. You’d better tell me what happened and what’s wrong with you!”
“Oh, dear. Oh, sorry, Captain, but I’m quite confused.”
I was really annoyed now, because even a child could see that. He continued, after vigorously shaking his head as if to remove some cobwebs that must be sitting somewhere in his brain. With his gray hair in disarray from nervously running his fingers through it, and with his tongue moistening his lips, he actually looked ready for an asylum.
“Did you notice that gentlemen who walked by, and weren’t you amazed by his looks? It’s quite incredible.”
Of course I’d seen the gentlemen, but had noticed nothing uncommon about him. To the contrary, from the fleeting sight I had mostly of his backside, he looked like a nice guy, even vaguely familiar. Probably a frequent cruiser and thus more likely to bring this harassment up with the company. Impatiently I mentioned this to Johnnie and told him to carry on.
“But Captain, he looks exactly like you, like a mirror image. Why, the first time…”
“What?”
“Yes, I’m terribly embarrassed. I’ve made a complete fool of myself.”
Again he grabbed his head and started to shake it. That he’d embarrassed himself wasn’t news to me, but I still was in the dark as to the why and how. It was now that his voice started to reach an ever-higher pitch.
“Oh, Captain, when we met in the bus,” continuing with a whining sound, “I didn’t look too closely at you, sitting side by side. Then I came on board and a day or so later, I saw this gentlemen and I thought it was you. I even told all my friends that he was the captain. Now I remember we even tried to get a few free drinks from you – I mean him, but you were none too nice about it. Very much unlike you were in the bus.”
“Well, fine, but that doesn’t explain his running away from you, pulling his wife behind him.”
“Well, yes, I mean, no. The thing is that I saw him in a bar and thinking it was you, I approached him and winked very meaningfully at him and at the woman he was sitting next to and hugging. I remarked that he was very fast and asked if she had been to his cabin…I mean yours.”
“My cabin!” Slowly I put the picture together and didn’t like it one little bit. “So you assumed that I would…”
“Well, yes. I didn’t know you and I thought maybe you…”
“That’s quite enough!” I snapped at him, not wanting to hear what he thought I was capable of. “Tell me what happened then.”
“Well, he looked at me as if he didn’t know me, which now I realize was the case, but I thought he was acting and I kept on saying one embarrassing thing after another until he got very red in the face and told me to get lost. Luckily I left it at that. Oh dear, oh dear. I saw him the next day dressed in an old tee shirt and faded shorts and remarked that a man in his position could get away with murder walking around like that. Oh, Captain, I thought it was you, but then when I saw you both here today, I thought I would die. What shall I do? Oh dear, oh dear.”
Listening to and visualizing as the story unfolded, my mind quickly changed from aggravation to pleasure to pain. The last one, when I bit my lips trying to keep from laughing out loud. This was a relief. First the fact that Johnnie was a normal guy after all, and second, this was extremely funny. I was sure that the still unknown passenger, who apparently was so like me in looks, would have a similar
