herself that enough, she’d finally believe it.
The T.V. in the bedroom was tuned to “Live with Regis and Kathy Lee”. Kathy Lee was carrying on about her precious little dogs, Chablis and Chardonnay, her hand resting on her pregnant belly as she spoke. Sure, Annie thought jealously, her baby will be okay. No sooner had she thought it, when she reprimanded herself for being so horrible. She wouldn’t wish her tragic fate on anyone -- even Kathy Lee. No one deserved this kind of pain.
“Oh, Reeg,” Kathy Lee’s voice droned on in the background as Annie went about emptying the pockets of Eric’s suit coats and pants. He was usually good about taking everything out of them, but every now and then he missed something. Since she had the time, Annie was being extra careful to check every last pocket. The last time she’d brought one of his suits to be cleaned, a tube of lip balm had been left in the inside pocket of the jacket. The suit had almost been ruined because the dry cleaners had missed it too. Eric had been furious, more at himself than anyone, but Annie decided it was worth it to be more vigilant now, to prevent potential disaster later.
She was rooting around in the inside pocket of his dark gray suit jacket. No lip balm to be found, but there was a piece of paper or something there. Probably a receipt, she told herself as she removed it and looked at it. He had been searching for the receipt for a new tie he’d recently purchased and wanted to return, so she decided to open the folded piece of paper to see if that’s what it was. He often shopped at an exclusive men’s store near his office that had large, elaborate receipts, much larger than the usual cash register tape. Her heart stopped as she read the words:
Beth G. -
call anytime
Frantically, she turned the piece of paper over to see if there was anything on the back to indicate when it had been written. There was nothing; it was just a plain piece of white paper from a 4” x 6” notepad. There was a remnant of the red plastic binding on the top but that was all. Her hand shook as she stared at the carelessly scrawled words. She felt sick to her stomach as she sat down on the bed to get her bearings.
Annie closed her eyes and made herself take several very slow, deep breaths. What did this mean? She thought she only had to worry about Kelly. Now there was someone named Beth? Her heart pounded wildly, making it difficult to breathe. Oh my God, she thought, still trying to calm her upset stomach. Now what do I do? She had to talk to Eric -- she needed to confront him. As upset as she was, there had to be a reasonable explanation; there had to be. She tried to ignore the voice inside of her that told her that there could only be one explanation for such a note. She had failed at being a mother, she was determined not to fail at being a wife.
Furious tears nibbled at the inner corners of her eyes, but she pressed her fingers there to keep them from spilling out. She had to stay strong, to stay in control. This would not get the better of her. She could do this. Just then, Regis announced their next guest as a woman who had written a book about divorce. Annie’s skin crawled as the words entered her brain and she bolted for the bathroom and vomited into the toilet.
Enough of that, she told herself as she tore off a length of toilet paper to wipe her mouth off. Enough. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. The tears she’d been fighting so hard to keep in, were running down her face. They’d snuck out while she was throwing up. Okay, fine. Get it over with now, because you are not going to cry later.
When Eric got home late that afternoon, she was sitting in the living room, reading a book and drinking a glass of wine. It had been a warm day, warm enough for air conditioning, but she’d opted to turn it off earlier in the day and had opened the windows instead. She heard the door open and then she heard his voice.
“Jesus, it’s hot in here -- why isn’t the air on?” He was unbuttoning the top button on his shirt as he entered the room. He stopped when he saw her. “Wow -- you look great.”
Annie had taken extra care in getting ready that afternoon. Her hair and make-up were perfect and she’d put on Eric’s favorite white sundress. She was pleased to discover that she could fit into it -- her pregnancy pounds were beginning to disappear.
She wanted to look especially good as she asked him about the note she’d found in his suit. She looked attractive and confident, even though she was terrified. The wine helped calm her nerves and gave her the additional courage she’d need for the task ahead.
“Thanks,” she said as she reached for her glass and took another sip of wine. “Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah, it was fine,” he said as he went to the refrigerator for the wine bottle. He poured himself a glass. “How was yours?”
“Well,” she started, “it was all right. Nothing too exciting until I got your suits ready to bring to the cleaners.” She took another sip and a deep breath. “And then I came across this.” She held up the note between the first two fingers of her right hand.
Eric stood there, frozen in place, the color momentarily draining from his face.
“What’s that?” he asked warily after a few seconds.
“Well,” Annie started, “it’s not the receipt for your new tie.” She slowly unfolded the paper as she spoke. “At first I thought that’s what it was, but then I read it.” She looked at him squarely in the eyes and said, “But it’s definitely not a receipt.”
“What is it then?” he asked again. He reached out his hand toward her. “Will you give it to me please?”
Annie pulled the note close to her body and held it tightly. She looked at it for a moment and then looked back up at her husband.
“Annie –”
“It was really wonderful to be going through your suits before I brought them to the cleaners this morning and find something like this.” She shook the note for emphasis.
She took another sip of wine, pacing herself. That afternoon, as she showered and primped for Eric’s homecoming, she realized what a mistake she’d been making in trying to please him; in trying to be a “good wife.” She was losing respect for herself – how could Eric not be losing it too? Why on earth should he respect someone who let herself be walked all over like an old rug? The area over her heart was getting particularly threadbare. At the rate they were going, he’d wear a hole right through it if she didn’t do something.
“Annie – calm down. It’s not what you think.”
“No, Eric, I’m not going to calm down. ” She stopped to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding like a sledge hammer. “Who is Beth G.?” She held the note out to him again. “What am I supposed to think?”
He sighed and slowly shook his head back and forth, “What do you want from me, Annie?” His voice was defiant and defeated at the same time.
“I want the truth.” She said the words calmly and firmly. She was terrified inside, but was determined not to show it. She sensed she was heading to a place she hadn’t been prepared to go, but there was no turning back now.
Eric felt his pocket for his cigarettes and fidgeted in his chair. “I need to go and have a smoke.”
“No, you don’t.”
“It’ll just take a minute,” he sounded like a petulant, spoiled school boy.
“I want the truth,” she repeated the words.
