informant who tipped us to the stock scam also alerted us to a parcel which was being sent by the terrorist group to a P.O. Box at the Church Street postal substation here in New York. We watched the box and Pizzi showed up to retrieve it.”
“What was in the package?”
“We X-rayed the parcel so we’re sure it wasn’t a bomb or radioactive. Beyond that, we are at a loss, our people couldn’t open it due to the way it was taped.”
“Where did Carl deliver the parcel?”
Roxy grimaced. “Unfortunately, we lost track of him on the streets near the World Trade Center site. It seems there was a large demonstration taking place that day over a new mosque to be built nearby and the tour-bus hordes were larger than usual.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, very regrettable.”
“I trust your agents will do a better job keeping track of me.”
“The agent detail has been expanded, Frank, it won’t happen again.”
“Who rented the P.O. Box?”
“The name and address on the application proved to be bogus.”
He sighed. “Anything else?”
She shook her head. “That’s all, which, admittedly, isn’t much.”
“Ok, I’ll give it my best shot.” He slid his chair away from the table.
Claire wagged a warning finger at him. “Play it safe, Dick Tracy, no heroics; sniff the ground and report back to mother.”
He scoffed. “I can deal with the likes of Carl, he’s no problem.”
“Just remember, Frank, it’s not the snake you see that bites you.”
*
Midget
Rudy Kowalick, 51, the accountant for the Bull & Bear Tavern, always wore a green eyeshade on the job. It was his routine to leave his basement office and make the rounds several times during each shift to check up on the bartenders and servers to make sure they weren’t stealing from Hilda. Rudy was born with a salty tongue, sharp elbows, and a nasty disposition. As a result, he wasn’t on good terms with any of the other 77 employees who worked there. Customers also disliked Rudy and would often murmur obscenities under their breaths as he passed their barstools and tables.
Rudy took pleasure in berating the bar staff for their many shortcomings: the tardy submissions of timesheets, their overfriendliness with customers, the foot-tapping, lowbrow music they played too loud on the bar’s stereo speakers, for their paltry tax withholdings on tip incomes, their unsightly tattoos and weird haircuts, for their bad choices in choosing significant others, for their poor work ethic and lack of ambition, and for their general unprofessionalism on the job.
So much combativeness in a single individual was all the more unusual when you consider that Rudy is a midget and stands a mere 3’5” tall on the days he wears the boots with the lifts in them. On most days, he wears ordinary loafers and is only 3’4” tall.
Tuck looked up from his conversation with Jimmy Donovan as Rudy paused by their stools to berate Ashley for being too chatty with a sloppy drunk. The well-dressed customer in question, an acclaimed economist, happened to be starting on his third drink of the evening, however, in Rudy’s book, any customer who had more than two drinks per day was, ipso facto, a sloppy drunk.
“Rudy,” Tuck called to him, “I expect you’ve heard by now about what happened to poor Jimmy here.”
Jimmy’s head was downcast and he seemed to be on the verge of crying into his beer.
The accountant smiled malevolently. “I heard Jimmy got shit-canned by his firm; that he was forcibly removed from the building by six guards, his tail dangling between his legs, babbling like a baby, weak-kneed, tears gushing down his cheeks, his bowels all in an uproar, and crying loudly for his mommy.”
“Ahem, eh, well, yeah, I guess that about covers it.”
“Hee! Hee! Hee! I only wish I had been there. I’d have taken pictures and posted them here in the bar so everyone could have a good fucking laugh.”
Jimmy made a move towards the midget but Tuck restrained him. “Eh, Rudy, do you have any words of advice for Jimmy as to possible employment opportunities he might pursue?”
“Yes, Tuck, as a matter of fact, I do.”
“Really?”
“Hold on a sec.” He ducked under the bar and dragged out a stepstool. When Rudy climbed up on it and stood on his tip-toes, he and Jimmy, who was still sitting down, were nose-to-nose.”
“I’ve got one excellent piece of advice for you, Jimmy, I urge you to make your own.”
“And what’s that?”
“If I were you, Jimmy, I’d go home and practice flipping hamburgers for my job interview at McDonald’s. I hear the competition is fierce these days because so many brokers and traders are out of work. And since you didn’t attend Flip Burger U, you’re at a big disadvantage.” He cackled loudly, jumped down from the stepstool and continued on his way.
“Don’t pay any attention to that little ball-buster,” Tuck said, “if there was any justice in the world, somebody would’ve killed Rudy years ago.”
Jimmy looked more despondent than ever.
Rudy stopped next to speak with the Bar Manager who was busy stacking pint glasses fresh out of the dishwasher.
Arnie pretended not to see him. Bartenders frequently didn’t see Rudy since he was much shorter than the height of the bar.
“Listen to me, Arnie, I’m a fair person so I’m giving you fair warning. At my recommendation, Hilda is going to be installing surveillance cameras over every cash register. There’s been entirely too much thievery by the bar staff lately, the situation amounts to highway robbery.”
“My bartenders are as honest as the day is long, Rudy, I hand-picked each of them to work here.”
“That’s hardly a sterling recommendation, Arnie, coming, as it does, from yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your bartenders have sticky fingers, Arnie, and they either learned it from you, or else you’re too stupid to see the stealing going on under your nose. Whichever way it is; it’s still your damn fault.”
“Je vais te tuer si je mets la main sur vous!” Arnie reached over the bar to throttle the accountant but he’d already moved out of harm’s way.
“And I’m going to recommend to Hilda that we dock your pay for any future cash gone missing from the tills, even if it’s not stolen during your shift.”
Arnie grabbed an empty liquor bottle to throw at him but Eddie rose up from his usual barstool and snatched it out of his grasp.
