use them first.
Sooner or later, we invite someone to the house and we clean up our act. Surprise visitors.......well, they just get a surprise. When the Jehovah's Witnesses showed up last week, I had a 4-day beard, I was wearing sweaty clothes from working in the yard, and I had a half-smoked cigar in my hand. I'm sure I smelled as bad as the nearby compost pile that was just sitting there (not cooking at 170 degrees). Maybe this is why the UPS man tosses packages into our garage from his moving truck. Maybe our seediness and our loneliness are related in some way. Is this cause and effect, or simply a spurious correlation?
The life of a census enumerator
"Hello. My name is Tom Gavin and I work for the U.S. Census Bureau. Is this 455 Elm Street? And were you living here on April 1 of this year?" And so it goes, day after day, week after week, all summer long. I knock on door after door, finding that most people are not home, leaving a NV (Notice of Visit) to call me on my cell, completing Enumerator Questionnaires---all for $13.00 per hour plus $.50 per mile reimbursement for the miles I drive.
I thought this might be an interesting experience, and because of my loneliness, this seemed like a good idea. The job has had its moments, and I've met some pretty nice dogs. But for the most part, it is pretty boring. Most people are happy to give out the information I require about their name, age, date of birth, and so forth. You know, the 10 questions or so that we all ask and that most of you have answered, either by writing it on the form you got in April or by telling a person like me who appeared at your door. Some of you have gone through this three times this summer. Don't ask me why. I just work here. I am only doing what the Constitution of the United States requires the government to do every 10 years: count all the people living in the U.S. on April 1 of the census year, and collect some ancillary data.
For some people it seems like a major inconvenience for me to ask these questions. It only takes about five minutes, and it is only done once per decade. Some interviewees act as though they are the busiest humans on earth, and they could not possibly take a few minutes to talk. Others are obviously desperate to talk to someone about anything. One lady took 15 minutes to complain about the crack cocaine-selling neighbors she had until they were evicted. She feared for her life much of the time. Then, she rambled on about an event in California where the police used a TASER on a man who was already down on the ground, and how terrible that was, and what is wrong with the police. "Mam, I work for the Census Bureau." I had a farmer all but grab me by the shirt and tell me to tell the President that farmers are getting a raw deal in this country. That most dairy farms have gone under because of the price of milk. "Sir, I work for the Census Bureau, and I don't know Barack very well."
One guy told me that he had been on the internet a lot lately and he had learned that people really hate me. Geesh, these people have not communicated their hatred to me directly, and I check my mail every day. He was mad, and these people were mad, because this entire census operation was costing taxpayers $450,000! I said, "Only $450,000?" And he repeated the amount as though it was the largest number he had ever heard. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the grand total was more like $14.5 billion. If they knew that, those people would really hate me. I would have to change my name to remain safe in a world where every U.S. citizen was gunning for Tom Gavin for committing such a huge sum of taxpayers' money. I would have to dye my hair, gain 40 pounds, and wear plaid golfing slacks to go into town without being recognized.
I thought I would sign up for this gig, in part, to sample the residents of upstate New York. To find out what people were thinking about the government and the world and their place in it. But I'm not getting a strong signal about people in general. Humans come in all shapes and sizes. Some are pissed at the world and everything in it, probably because their life is a mess. Some seem happy to help, feel good about contributing to this operation, and offer me iced tea. Some are just plain lonely and want to talk to anyone who shows up about anything at all (I can really relate to those). Some appreciate that enumerating the people in the country is an important exercise and were disturbed that I had not gotten to them sooner. And still others couldn't care if the country went to hell in a hand basket tomorrow. One young guy was gloating over the fact that he had been working for 10 years and he had never paid a cent of income tax--ever. "Sir, I also work for the IRS." Just kidding.
I don't regret working for the Census Bureau one bit. I'm just a lowly enumerator like tens of thousands of others across the country. But the job has given me the credentials to approach my neighbors, look them in the eye, and ask them some personal questions. And while I detest the degrading effect that large numbers of people are having on the earth, I find individuals worthy of respect. I disagree with some, I empathize with many, and I share a common territory with all. And tomorrow morning, I will drive onto Main Street in a nearby hamlet, and ask those living there to share a bit of their time.
Do I have to go to Ithaca?
Ever since I retired last year and my wife began working from home, we have a pretty regular routine. She works on her computers all day at one end of the house and I work in my office at the other end. When we get out of bed in the morning, we usually say "let's do lunch", and then we know to meet at noon in the kitchen, half way between our respective work places. This goes on for many days until we run out of something. Understand that we have a chest freezer and a second old fridge in the basement, as well as the usual refrigerator/freezer in the kitchen. That is, we can store enough food to feed a U.S. Marine platoon for a month. (And, we are still working off our supply of paper products we bought at Sam's Club three years ago). In short, we don't care to go into Ithaca very often, which is 10 miles away, and I dread it like it is the most difficult thing I ever had to do. The less we go, the less we want to go. I guess this is a form of "use it, or lose it".
But eventually we run out of scotch or wine and someone has to go, usually me. Cigars and coffee beans are purchased online, so they are not a problem. On the day I have to go to town, I feel like one of those old gold miners who went to town two or three times a year to get grub and a chew of tobacco, to get a whisky shot at the bar, and to carouse with loose women for a couple of days. Yesterday in town, I did my errands, ordered some takeout Mexican food, and had a beer at the bar in Viva Taqueria; I never even talked to the three women sitting next to me (they appeared to be moderately loose). I must say, it was a successful trip, except that the traffic at 5pm in downtown Ithaca is annoying. What are all these people doing here? I arrived home with the goods, but I spared Robin ("any news from town?") the gory details of my harrowing escape from the local metropolis.
Since we both began working from home, we drive much less, and we buy less. I am sure our carbon footprint has decreased significantly. If you don't care to drive anywhere, and the nearest store is 10 miles away, you tend to stay home, you don't spend as much money, and you avoid loose women. All in all, this is a pretty healthy way to live.
Is it Tuesday or Farmer’s Market day?
When I worked at the university, it was not a problem remembering what day of the week it was. I had field biology lab on Monday and Wednesday afternoons, I lectured in conservation biology on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Friday, I had no class, and then came the weekend. Simple. But now it is a challenge, because one day pretty much seems like any other when you're retired, except that the stock market is closed on Saturdays and Sundays. If today is the day before tomorrow and the day after yesterday, which day is it? I give up, and so does the Management at DrTom's.
What can we use as benchmarks as to which day of the week it is? Today's cigar is a Dunhill Diamantes and yesterday's scotch was a 12-year old Aberlour. Does that make today Thursday? I filled the hummingbird feeders this morning and turned the compost pile with a pitchfork. Friday? Next week I have a urology appointment to check the plumbing and last week I had a neurology appointment to check the wiring. Saturday? If my sister-in-law is visiting on the 5th, and that is 10 days from now, what is the day today?
