... and with the help of yet another beautiful woman, ...I "changed".
When she departed, I faced the blow with hollow reserve. Now an employee, no longer married, long distance father,I survived mainly on the ingrained concept of survival itself.
But my soul no longer screamed, it spoke rather with a quiet resolve, and my spirit no longer stumbled.
I adopted as a mantra, a passage from the icon of insight, Mr. Hall;" I've never run into things hard and unbending when I was just travelling slow."
Although my body had some catching up to do, I picked up my magical toolbox, and with some luck, some friends, and a few million calories,was able to start a mechanical repair shop.
Chapter Six
IN SEARCH OF THE MAGIC
I could remember the magic, feeling it, trusting it, ...expecting it. I could not understand where it had gone, I could not understand how life had become so much more complicated, ... and so much less fun.
At this point I also began what has been referred to the "journey of a thousand days". Allusions toward this journey have included such labels as enlightenment, understanding, and, invariably, "transcendence".
On my trip, the thousand day point found me with a higher question-to-answer ratio than at the outset.
In actuality, the thousand days turned out to be 15 years. The enlightenment and understanding came in rather conventional terms, ... and transcendence, per se, pretty much did not factor in.
Year after year of harder, sharper, and bolder questions, ... volume after volume of philosophy, mythology,theology, and even conspiracy.
From Castanada, Persiq, and Montauk, through Sitchin, Melchizidick, and Wilde. Even through the mind-numbing tomes of Wilber, to the fringe world of Tolle. Invariably each offering stalled weakly in some Christ-consciousness lunacy or equivalent external higher-power nonsense.
Disgusted with the worlds literary offerings, I turned, somewhat desperately, to the commercial disciplines. I investigated Sci-dogmatology, where I bought every book and every "congress", which I engaged from end to end, twice. One is hard pressed to respond to this orchestration, and is much more wont to simply stand slack-jawed and dumb-founded. In 1959, supposedly at the pinnacle of delineation, it was discovered, embarrassingly, that the active universal law was "cause-distance-cause", as opposed to the opposite, "cause-distance-effect" that they had been peddling.
One might note that in local practical terms, this means simply,that their entire organization was, at best, backwards, ...and at worst, just plain bullshit. One might become slightly nervous that they did not dissolve in utter shame at that point. One might remain slightly nervous to see it continue undaunted.
A scamp, passing by on its way to kindergarten, may point out, however, that for a common, ordinary, egomaniac to build a business reaching church status out of utter nonsense may well deserve a tip of our hat. Regarding this performance in its entirety, the only pertinent fact required is that it's illustrious leader NEVER utilized the process he preached.
Yes, you may now resume the slack-jawed, dumb-founded stance!
Having no shortage of cash, or questions, I devoured the offerings of the "commercials", to discover, apparently, that "world knowledge" is mostly comprised of two types of cowardly garbage,the kind you can get for free, and the kind you pay for.
After nearly a decade and a half of repeated disappointment with world wisdom, I attracted a refreshing, semi-commercial, hard core offering by a delightfully real couple, we'll call Jack & Jill.
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