home.
The room grew darker as time moved deeper into the night. The only traces of light came in from a streetlight and the night sky gently casting shadows through the window. The presence of the Lord filled the room and overshadowed Phillip. He began to give thanks to God for Patty, the children and the awesome love he had experienced.
He prayed and softly spoke these words into the stillness. “Lord, thank you for my wife. I loved her so much. Father, I don’t know how to move on from here. I don’t know how to continue. I’m not sure what to do, but I thank you Jesus. I have made so many mistakes. Lord, I just seem to keep going backward and further down. I just lose more and more. Patty would be so mad at me God if she was able to see all I have lost and my inability to do the right thing. Somehow, I must find a way and continue in faith to show the kind of strength I know she would have had. Lord Jesus, forgive me. Sometimes I feel so lost and confused. I need you now, more than ever. Forgive me Lord and help me. I have so much to thank you for and so much to live for. Father, at times it seems I’m trying to wake up from a dream. Lord, stir my heart. Revive my spirit and shake me loose from this heaviness and sorrow. Help me Lord, please. Abide in me and give me my strength and purpose back. Take hold of my life. Abide in me Lord. Awaken me Father and give me life again.”
As he prayed, within his mind he could see a train. Again, he thought of 161st Street, but just ignored it and focused more on his prayer. With thankfulness, he continued to pray these words, “I thank you for my children Lord God and all they have become in you. I love them so much and Patty, you know Lord how she loved her children and grandchildren. You know how she contended for them in faith. Every night in prayer, she poured out her heart and loved in tears to you Father. She gave so much of herself to us all and loved so deeply. Lord God, the grandchildren meant so much to her. She could never stop talking about them. They brought her so much joy. Her eyes would shine like diamonds whenever she was with them. She showed them nothing less then pure love. I pray they will always remember her. I miss her so much.”
His thoughts carried him back again to the day when his children had demonstrated God’s grace and love. After Patty’s death, the girls made sure he called the funeral home and arranged to have her body removed. His son stayed by his side.
The girls washed her body and put on some of her favorite jewelry and a nightgown that was so beautiful and long, royal blue with detailed embroidery. After he had made the call, he stepped back in the room and could not believe the care his daughters had taken with her body. It had to be God’s grace.
As he knelt in the darkness, his thoughts carried him to the day of her funeral. It was a small church service within forty-eight hours of her death. A small church in town had hosted the funeral.
At Patty’s insistence, they had purchased burial plots there on the grounds just months before Patty’s death. He recalled the day he purchased the plots and what a difficult task it was.
The church seated about seventy to eighty people and was built in the early nineteen hundreds. They were not members there, Phillip’s daughter had told Patty and him about it. Her husband’s family were members and it was close to home. They had some available plots that were very nice and it seemed right.
The Pastor gave the family the option to use the church for the service and Phillip agreed. He thought of his family and those that were there that day. They had driven a distance to get there, most had traveled before while she was battling her illness. They wanted to be with Patty and help in anyway they could.
Phillip had an older brother, a sister and a younger brother, his older brother had gone home to be with the Lord only a few years prior to Patty. When he was very young, the family had moved south. They moved because of some trouble that had come his parent’s way. They thought it would be best to have a new beginning and a distant move.
His parents were not very religious people but they did believe. Both of them were from a Catholic background. His father would attend church on various holidays during the year. His Mom would never attend because of her painful past. She had explained to him why she never attended and shared some of the pain she endured when Phillip was a young boy.
Her mother had died when she was two or three and her father was not able to care for the family. They placed her into an orphanage that the nuns ran. She recalled in detail the harsh treatment she had received that separated her from religion but not from God. At times, her view of God was confused. Nevertheless, she would pray with the children in the evening as they went to bed. Phillip was a quiet and well-behaved child. They grew up with very little but more than others.
His younger brother suffered with many medical aliments and there were times Phillip did not know if he would live. He would lay next to him while holding him as he fought for breath while waiting for transportation to the hospital.
Most of the time, his mother was sick and this caused panic attacks for his younger brother. His older brother would act out and escape any worry or pain, his own way of handling it.
Trying to keep things together, his dad was continually working long hours for little pay. All the time, there was spiritual warfare taking place. There were times when Phillip became very ill and ran very high temperatures. This happened between the ages of six and nine.
Repeatedly, he would see the same visions on the wall. He saw a very large being with huge hands and arms sitting against a truck with a large tire next to him. He was trying to get him to drink from his cup. He knew this being was something to fear and was evil. He would scream for his mother to come and help. She entered and sat with him until he would fall asleep.
One morning he saw them. He was lying with his Mother in bed. It was daylight and the sun was streaming in the window. Standing in the hall, a large being was watching them from a distance. It seemed part human and part animal. It was extremely large and each time it appeared in a mist or shadow. He screamed to his mother, but she saw nothing and told him to stop. He watched the being walk down the hall, into the main room and exit. The evil was real and he had seen it. For some time, that force would affect the family as it does in many families and people.
Later in life, he connected the spiritual attacks on his family with the woman who lived on the corner and across the street from them when he was a child. She read palms, tarot cards and was a medium for speaking to the dead. Along with other services, she was involved in astrology and reading the stars for her clients. She became very interested in their family and seemed to be around more than casually.
At all hours of the day and evening, there were people continually going in and out of her house. Her strongest affect was on Phillip’s mother and older brother and that influence infected the entire family. There would be a plan that would lead to redemption and life.
After about seven years, the family moved and returned to the area they had left. During his grade school and high school years, Phillip continued a troubled and confused life. He seemed to attract other confused and troubled friends. He found himself doing things and acting in ways he never desired. From a quiet and thoughtful child, he found himself in a constant spiral downward into sin and shame.
Later, during his time in the military, his addiction to alcohol grew and began to consume him. He battled against it with all that he could, but he did not have the power.
The powers of darkness drove him deeper into despair and thoughts of suicide began to enter his mind. All along, it was their plan to kill and destroy him and turn his soul over to the prince of darkness, but God had a different plan.
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