How They Work and How to Withdraw, these drugs “lose much of their efficacy because of the development of tolerance. When tolerance develops, ‘withdrawal’ symptoms can appear even though the user continues to take the drug.” (Chapter II)
Because they quickly become ineffective and trigger daily withdrawal symptoms, benzodiazepines cause a host of problems, many of which they were intended to manage. In early 2009, after four years of benzodiazepine use, I exhibited difficulties common to benzodiazepine users. I was crying on a regular basis. I was falling into a depression unlike anything I had ever experienced. My anxiety was nearly paralyzing. And I had become almost housebound. The outside world felt overwhelming, and going out triggered both fear and exhaustion.
All of these symptoms amount to a textbook case of the impact of benzodiazepines. In her research, Dr. Ashton determined that people who use these drugs become ill with a number of psychiatric conditions. “Many patients,” she writes, “find that anxiety symptoms gradually increase over the years despite continuous benzodiazepine use, and panic attacks and agoraphobia may appear for the first time after years of chronic use.” She adds that long-term benzodiazepine use can cause depression in people with no history of it and can aggravate depression in people already suffering from it. (ibid, Chapter I)
Heightened Sensory Sensitivity
As a person with autism, I found that all of the symptoms that attend benzodiazepine use were exacerbated by the impact of interdose withdrawals on my sensory functioning.
By early 2009, I was more sensory sensitive than I had ever been in my life. Sometimes, my skin felt like tissue paper; at other times, loud noises were enough to send me into physical pain that took me days to recover from. Light seemed very bright, and I began wearing sunglasses, even on winter days. I became overwhelmed by this sudden severe spike in sensitivity, and every foray into the outside world took all the courage and energy I could muster. My level of functioning decreased significantly. Most days, I just stayed home.
I couldn’t figure out what was happening.
Then, I read Dr. Ashton’s findings on benzodiazepine withdrawal and sensory sensitivity. She notes that “a characteristic feature of benzodiazepine withdrawal is a heightened sensitivity to all sensations—hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell. When extreme, these sensations can be disturbing.” She describes one woman needing to stop all the clocks in her house because their ticking seemed unbearably loud. Others have had to wear dark glasses because ordinary light seemed “dazzlingly bright.” (ibid, Chapter III)
I’d finally found an answer to the question of why my sensory sensitivities had increased so dramatically in a relatively short period of time: the daily interdose withdrawals were sending my already acutely sensitive system into overdrive.
After four years of benzodiazepine use, I could barely socialize at all. I felt very isolated and I suffered from severe levels of stress that were lowering my levels of functioning. As I learned about the havoc that these drugs wreak, I considered myself lucky to be tapering off them before they stole any more years from my life.
Recovering from Benzodiazepines
The good news is that my functioning and my quality of life have improved dramatically since withdrawing from Lorazepam. Just halfway through a difficult taper, I found my mind becoming clearer and my mood lifting. I felt more physically and emotionally resilient than I had in years.
As my taper progressed, I began to feel alive again. I still had my sensory-sensitive “I don’t want to go anywhere” days, but even on those days, I forced myself to go out for a walk, just to keep intact my connection to the world. In so doing, to my great surprise, I found my connection to the world not limited to human beings, but to all of creation. I began to walk and appreciate the trees, the colors, the breeze blowing—even the humid weather of a New England summer.
I carried my camera with me everywhere and I took pictures that enabled me to see hidden things, simple things, beautiful things that I’d never registered before. Suddenly, the world became a fascinating place. Ultimately, I entered three of my best photos in a local contest, won second prize, and had the pleasure of seeing my work displayed in town with that of other photographers.
Since I’ve withdrawn from the medication entirely, the positive effects have only increased, and my sensory sensitivities have quieted down appreciably. I go out every day, in any weather, even in winter. I’ve made new friends and rekindled relationships with old ones. The depression and agoraphobia are both entirely gone, and my high levels of functioning and independence have returned.
My experience is not unique. In 1991, Karl Rickels, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, reported that patients who had gotten off benzodiazepines were doing “significantly” better than those who had failed to do so. A few years later, he found that after long-term users withdrew from benzodiazepines, they “became more alert, more relaxed, and less anxious, and this change was accompanied by improved psychomotor functions.” (Whitaker, 136-137)
As for Dr. Ashton, she found that agoraphobia in her patients disappeared within a year of withdrawal, even in patients who had been housebound. Furthermore, most users experienced a dramatic increase in quality of life after withdrawal:
Clinical experience shows that most long-term benzodiazepine users actually feel better after coming off the drugs. Many users have remarked that it was not until they came off their drugs that they realised they had been operating below par for all the years they had been taking them. It was as though a net curtain or veil had been lifted from their eyes: slowly, sometimes suddenly, colours became brighter, grass greener, mind clearer, fears vanished, mood lifted, and physical vigour returned. (ibid, Chapter II)
When I was on benzodiazepines, my emotions were scattered, my sensory sensitivities were through the roof, and I found it difficult to think clearly. Once I stopped taking them, my emotions became much more moderate, positive, and under my control; my sensory sensitivities became much more manageable; my thoughts became sharper by the day; and my zest for life returned.
Needless to say, all of these changes allowed me to regain my independence and re-enter the flow of life. Once I did, I began to get to work on understanding the greatest challenge of my Asperger’s: my auditory processing difficulties.
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