are afraid to go to their lockers.” I really wished I had a stronger case than what I had laid out on the table. Leona was like a self-taught lawyer. She could debate anything and everything that was thrown at her and make it seem perfectly logical. She must have gotten it from my father because neither I nor my mother had ever possessed the ability. Dad walked into the room, grabbed my shoulders and shook me gently.
“How was your first day son?” I smiled and before I could even respond he slapped my back and gave me a good old “atta boy!” As if that phrase was the sound of a starting gun, everyone else began to go back to their own things again. That was pretty much all the time you got in this family. It was like when you threw food at the pigeons. They were all huddled into a group and then disbanded when the reason for their collaboration was gone. I didn’t mind it at all. I didn’t want to talk about today anyway. For a sheer instant I had a clear mind and realized two things. One was a feeling I should be having, as I hadn’t eaten all day yet and I still wasn’t hungry. The second was a feeling I shouldn’t be having. I was exhausted by all of the emotion that I had gone through.
Amazing how those exact 5 words in that exact 5-second moment destroyed the rest of the 85, 395 seconds that were left over in the day. The fact that it was so stupid and yet affected me so greatly only added wind to the dust I had become. I decided taking a nap was my best plan of action. I had a gnawing headache and an all over achy exhaustion. I walked into our living where my mom was watching TV Judge Judy was on as I put my head on the arm of the couch and closed my eyes. I bet Judge Judy never had any problems like I am right now. When I woke up it was 8pm. The only reason I even woke up was because my mom had shook me.
“You’re not gonna sleep at all tonight if you keep sleeping. Come on and eat dinner with us.” The repercussions of a nap were the exact reason why I hated taking them. I was groggy and annoyed by anything that made noise. My sister’s boyfriend was also eating over and it really didn’t bother me the much. Chris was a nice guy and my parents did in fact like him. What drove my parents to strait jackets was the way Leona acted around him. She either bossed him around and yelled at him like a poorly housetrained pet or she was apologetic for the way she had been yelling at him and moped around the house.
I told my mom I wasn’t really all that hungry or feeling well and that I was just going to head off to bed. Her built-in-mom nursing skills kicked in as she asked me a plethora of questions on my well being while feeling my head and cheeks. Once she was sure I was physically ok, she said goodnight and that she’d see me in the morning. A large part of me wanted so badly to just fess up to what had happened. To just say that a kid at school made me feel like crap and that she would say all the things that I wanted to hear. But I knew better than to do something so selfish. The information would do more damage to her than good to me.
I went into my room and put my pajama’s on. It seemed like the second I went to bed and dropped my head on the pillow, I was wide awake and felt no more fatigue at all. I contemplated washing my hair in the morning and making it curly instead of straitening it. That way it would look much shorter and they might not have a problem with it. I then had a pang of anger and shame towards myself for even caring what these people thought of me. They didn’t even have names or any previous faces in my memory. All I had was the laughing and pointing of a few boys after a comment primarily about my hair. How could something so stupid bother me so much?
As I closed my eyes and drifted off, the last thing I remember thinking was whether or not I wanted to even go to school. I had the story all set up in case I wanted to skip and say I didn’t feel well in the morning. I decided I’d wait and see until then.
Chapter 5
Waking up in the morning is always the first and worst experience of my day. My mom would pop her head in at 6:30am and wake me up as joyfully as possible when I knew she felt the same exact way. I looked at my cell phone and couldn’t believe I slept through that entire day after school. I did have a much less dire feeling about today though. I sat in bed for a few moments to contemplate if I would even go to school.
Ultimately I decided it would be best if I went. I looked out the window and saw that it was cloudy and muggy out. It was almost eerily fitting that this day would be dark and dreary. My wake-up routine was typical; I got out of bed very slowly each morning. First I would let my left leg dangle off the side, and then my right. After that I sat up perpendicular to the edge of the bed and slowly let myself slip off and onto the floor, making a sound as if I literally rolled off my bed.
I looked on my dresser and mechanically picked up my hair straightener. I dropped it as if I had just picked up the hot steel when it was plugged in.
“I’m just going to take a shower and let my hair curl for today.” It was very common that I would have conversations with myself early in the morning. I opened my door and saw my mother sipping her coffee and watching the news. I just couldn’t muster up the courage to watch the morning news unless I thought it was going to be a snow day. It was such a depressing way to start off your morning in the first place and I marveled at how she could stand it. She just smiled at me and said good morning cheerfully as I walked into the bathroom adjacent to my own room. I turned on the hot water and it squeaked for several seconds like it always did. As I stepped into the running water, it felt as if I would wash away and rinse myself down the drain. I still hadn’t felt all that whole since yesterday, but I was slowly piecing myself back together.
After my shower I towel-dried my hair for a few seconds and considered it as my new hairstyle for school. All I had to do was stay up and out of the radar of those kids and I was in the clear. I had a twinge of anger towards myself in that I had surrendered to enemy demands. It only took one shot but it was of great aim. Hopefully my hair was the white flag they had been looking for. After I dressed myself and sprayed myself in an abusively thick layer of cologne, I saw the picture of Faye and me in our 8th grade graduation. At my right arm was Faye and my left was Kathy, my other best friend. Things were just so much easier back then. Your best friends were your neighbors and your other friends you had known since kindergarten.
I laughed out loud at how old I sounded in my head and walked out into the living room to put my shoes on. I looked at the clock and saw that it was a bit early, but I didn’t want to have to run for it like I did yesterday. I kissed my mom on the cheek and she smiled and shouted “give em’ hell”. I walked out the door and was on my way to the bus stop while wondering if she knew what was going on all along.
As I walked along the fall road the leaves swished past my feet. It looked like a calendar picture that they put up for October. Being the beginning of September however, the trees were still fairly alive with orange and red leaves. I would walk one block to the first corner, and then two more blocks up the hill. I searched frantically in my mind for the positives of today compared to yesterday. I knew where I was sitting at lunch and in each class. I also had a basic description of where I was going which was nice. I had mapped out how I would avoid the boys in the hall so that I could just get out without having anything to annoy me. It was also a Friday today, which was extremely nice and yet all the more tempting to skip school for a three-day weekend.
Before I realized it, I looked up and I was at the bus stop. I could see Faye coming around the corner and heading for me as well as Sandy. Doug hadn’t usually come to the bus stop until the very last few minutes. She did live right on the corner after all. I watched Sandy as her wet blond hair flew in the wind like a tattered flag. She never put it up or wore a hat, but it always seemed just as nice no matter how much wind, rain or snow flew into it. Faye always wore either her hood or a small beanie with her dark hair following close behind her. They were both the type that was naturally beautiful and could easily pass as one of the Miss America Contestants.
Sandy and Faye arrived at the stop only a few steps apart. I looked down the road behind me and saw Mathew and Jeremiah walking up the street to our stop as well.
