in bridging science and spirituality says. "Feeling is the Prayer: Ancient traditions remind us that the world around us is nothing more and nothing less than the mirror of what we've become in our lives, what we feel about our relationships with ourselves, one another and, ultimately, God. Scientific evidence now suggests precisely the same thing: What we feel inside our bodies is carried into the world beyond our bodies".
When we take time to think about this concept it is easier to understand. If you are a negative person you will repel really positive people and attract people who are as negative. We often attract into our lives what Carolyn Myss refers to as “wound mates”. If we want to stay stuck in our present circumstances we simply surround ourselves with like-minded people. These are the people who are always a victim of their circumstances and then we get to validate each other’s pain and so we get to remain victims. When we live our lives always the victim we are often uncomfortable or even offended by others who would challenge us to be, or do something different. We become so comfortable with our struggles that we ultimately will choose them over and over. I often think of this old saying “It is easier to be with the devil you know then the devil you don’t know”. We find others that will hold the same mirror of victimhood so that we are never really are ever challenged to change.
It has often been said that the eyes are the window of our soul. If we grew up not seeing security, acceptance, positivity, and excitement for life in the eye’s looking back at us in our most impressionable years, it only makes sense we would mirror insecurity, non-acceptance, negativity of ourselves and others throughout our life. We may even become suspect of those who reflect something different for it has never been your reality.
This story is challenging us to find new mirrors to reflect new possibilities in our lives that show us the way to real and lasting change. There are two important parts of this challenge; one is staying open and quiet enough to hear the loving guidance of God, and last, letting go of any temptation to beat ourselves up each time we look deep inside.
Although I call my higher power God, this book is intended for everyone, whatever your spiritual path is and however you experience your higher power. I truly believe that we are a reflection of this omnipotent creator no matter what we call this presence. It is because of this belief I felt guided to write my story. Although it is mainly about my shadow journey, about finding value in myself as a woman, it is about humanity stepping into this reflection and taking ownership of this divinity that we have all inherited.
“We must become the change we want to see in the world”,
as Gandhi said. Let us first find value in who we are in God so that we can then reflect love, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness to others and ourselves. This is how we change the world.
A Love Letter to My Friends and Family
I dedicate this book to all women and men including, of course, my family and friends who so patiently stood by me as I learned to let go of the past. I also want to thank my mentor and teacher Debbie Ford, (www.debbieford.com) who without her vision and courage to develop these models of shadow coaching and then training others like me to do this work; I would not have uncovered the last layer of forgiveness for my father. It is time for all of us to shine and be a mirror of love, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for each other. To see the value in each other’s eyes as we unfold our true gifts that are here to heal our planet in our own authentic unique ways!
My family and why I wrote this book. Although I write this love letter to my family, please understand this message is for everyone.
I especially wrote this book for the women in my life: To my father’s mother and her mother before her who must have suffered horrific abuse along with their children. I want you to know that your hopes and dreams will not go unlived in me. I want to let you know that your pain was not in vain; you suffered but I will no longer let that be my legacy. I thank you for enduring all that you did in order to bring your children into this world that gave me life. To my maternal grandmother, the memory of whose strength and resilience courses through me. I know that you were a woman of great love and integrity and I will always remember the safety of your home growing up. I have been told by your daughter that I am a lot like you.
To my mother, whose strength was measured by her ability to create a safe place for morality and integrity to grow in us while being surrounded by madness. For all those years of holding on to what must have been such a burden of pain inside your heart while shielding us from it. Thank you for not adding your pain to an already painful childhood. This was a true measure of your strength and love as a mother. I want you to know, Mom, that all those years of struggle will not be in vain, for I will work hard to evolve into the woman I know you want me to be and would have been yourself, had you known how.
To my sister Judy who has been the one constant woman in my life. We have laughed, cried, bitched, and growled at our lives and ourselves with each other, with the understanding that only comes from living similar experiences as children. You have been a wonderful sounding board and truly a gift to me. Thank you for believing in me and holding such a wonderful mirror of love and acceptance. You are not only a sister but one of my best friends.
To the many women friends I have had along the way, despite our collective wounds, found a voice in each other. I thank you for sharing your lives with me along this journey of healing. Your love and support was invaluable.
To my dear women friends who are a part of my life today: you have taught me so much about being a woman in this world. Without you I would not have had the mirror of femininity and gentle grace that I so needed to learn. You have all taught me by your examples about the importance of service to others. Your voices of love and support through the years have provided a space for me to be authentic. You loved and accepted all of my shadows, both light and dark, and there are no truer friendships than yours. I am reminded of a quote by Confucius when I think of you, “I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps when I weep; for my shadow in the pool can do better than that”. You are powerful, strong women who stand in the shadow of no one and are willing to ask me hard questions, make me look at myself, grow and be strong. You support me when I am most vulnerable. You all stand in your own light and encourage me to do the same. Thank you for being such amazing mirrors in my life.
To the dear women who came into my life through the love of our sons. I feel peaceful inside knowing our sons have woman who deeply love them. I am touched by hearing their voices light up when they speak of you both and see in their eyes they have found their soulmates. You are already both amazing women whom I have come to cherish. To our son’s ex-wife, thank you for being such a beacon of forgiveness. You are a wonderful mom to our treasured grandchildren and still very loved by our family. May all of you be constantly compelled to continue to find ways to be authentic and find value in who you are as women. Don’t ever forget you are first a woman of God with individual gifts, talents, hopes and dreams that our world needs. Do not accept anything less. Live your dreams and know that I love you dearly. I have found daughters in all of you.
To my dear granddaughters; you are surrounded by voices in the media and society today that are telling you that you are only an object to be exploited and used. I want you to know that the feminine power you possess is the most authentic and magical energy you can embody. This energy can be used for healing this planet, but only if you value your worth. Your value comes from being you. You are a child of God, whole and perfect as you are. Refuse any messages that say you are anything less. Choose only friends who mirror back to you love, compassion and acceptance and are not threatened by your greatness or theirs. Find your true voice and hold out for authentic love.
