Rescue
As I look back over the several years and months before my cancer diagnosis, I see signs that something very serious was wrong with my body. Did I contribute to getting breast cancer? The answer I tell myself is yes and no. Could I have done more to protect my body from contracting this disease? I believe I could. (My ignorance about what causes breast cancer had severe consequences.) Was it my destiny to have breast cancer so I could achieve optimal health and help other people? (I am now off daily asthma medicine.) I believe that is possible too. I cannot know exactly why something shows up in my life. I just know that my body, soul and life are constantly guiding me toward living my greatest good. Acceptance and grace light the way.
I have learned to be naturally curious in order to understand the messages that life is sending my way. No longer do I anxiously strive to know and control the future. I just allow the clues to come to me easily in a relaxed state of open awareness; and hopefully, I get the message, most of the time.
In addition, I have more love and acceptance toward myself even when I make mistakes. I take responsibility for the life I am creating. True responsibility means I am able to respond to any situation that is placed at my feet without blame and condemnation. I am willing to ask myself the difficult questions to get to truth. I have found that grace enters when I am in a state of acceptance. I did not resist cancer or blame my body, my God or myself. Perhaps that is how grace became my constant companion throughout my breast cancer adventure. I was guided through the jungle of treatment possibilities, made choices and came up with a healing plan that felt right for me.
What the Expert Says...
The Gift of Grace
by Sandra Miniere
Author of A Lighter Side to Cancer:
From Wake-Up Call to Radiant Wellness
Paul Tillich in his “You Are Accepted” essay describes grace as a light that breaks through our inner darkness and reminds us that we are accepted by that which is greater than ourselves. At those times we should not ask questions or do anything, just allow this divine acceptance to unite us with ourselves, others, life and God.
Grace brings divine unconditional love into our souls and lives. It operates behind the scenes until we awaken to the oneness and gifts it offers. Grace intercedes when we are open and available. It cannot be earned by striving toward some perfectionist ideal. It happens in moments of inner darkness and outer turmoil.
We may talk about grace casually in a crisis: “By the grace of god I made it.” “God was looking out for you.” However, when the crisis is over, we often forget that something remarkable intervened. Once we acknowledge grace as a spiritual resource, we may decide to make it our ally. We can work with grace consciously by acknowledging its existence, invoking it by request, giving thanks when it touches us, and having faith in its mystery.
Acknowledgment: Grace is present in our lives and souls whether we recognize it or not. It is a force waiting to be harnessed and cultivated, not controlled. Once we acknowledge and work with it, we will witness miracles consistently.
Invocation: We may ask for a divine intervention to spare us from a negative consequence, guide us when we are lost, comfort us when we feel despair, or strengthen us when we feel overwhelmed.
Gratitude: If we are filled with gratitude when the miraculous shows up in our lives, grace will continue to shine upon us, light our way and unite us with a Higher Power.
Faith: Grace intervenes in its own way and own time; we need to believe in it anyway. As we accept and work with this sacred resource, grace lifts us from the havoc we create or tragedy we encounter.
Grace takes us beyond the limits of human love into the transforming power of unconditional love. When we see ourselves and the world through the eyes of acceptance and gratitude, grace will become our constant companion.
Chapter 1 Lessons Learned...
•When you are making plans, life may take you on an unexpected adventure. Go with the flow!
•Bad news can shatter you. But purposeful actions, support from others and grace will put you back together.
•Your wake-up calls are usually a signal that something isn’t right. Pay attention or the soft ring can become a loud blast.
•The easy path is not always the best path for a positive outcome.
•Risk takers often finish ahead of the pack.
•Herbs, supplements and medications may have negative side effects. Be aware and speak up!
•When you do not know the way, ask for support and guidance from your intuition or Higher Power.
•Self-love and acceptance is the key to healing and personal empowerment.
•Ask questions and be willing to hear the answers. The truth will lead you toward more aliveness.
Chapter 2
Where Do I Go from Here?
(Treatment Options)
October and November 2000
The surgeon scheduled the modified left mastectomy with reconstruction approximately six weeks after the diagnosis. She gave me time to do my cancer research and take my parents to Hawaii the middle of November. They were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. While I had the dread of a mastectomy hanging over me, I did not want to cancel the trip. My father had not been back to Honolulu since World Word II, and my mother had never been there. It seemed like a great way for them to celebrate their marriage of sixty years. Plus, it provided a good distraction for me. While researching cancer treatment options, I was planning a vacation to Hawaii. It took some of the heaviness out of my body and soul.
Getting the Whole Story
After the biopsy and breast cancer diagnosis, the surgeon requested that I get an oncologist. She would not operate unless I had one. Because she was a breast surgeon, I assumed that she needed a cancer doctor to confirm her treatment plan. I could understand that, so I did some research in the book, Third Opinion (Third Edition) by John Fink, an international directory of alternative therapy centers and doctors. I found an oncologist about 30 miles from my home. From the description about him and his work in Third Opinion, I was willing to make an appointment. When I walked into his office, I received another dose of reality. It felt strange to be in the office of my oncologist. This was the last place I expected to find myself. I like to feel in control of my life; clearly, my body had other ideas. Rather than dwell on feeling like a failure, I looked around the waiting room and felt grateful that my cancer was stage I.
The oncologist also agreed that a mastectomy would be his choice. On my post-surgery visit with him, we would explore treatment options based on the pathology of the breast tissue. He was also optimistic about my prognosis. The mastectomy should be all that was required. (Later, we would find out that was not true.) The most important news I received from him that day was his suggestion that I use a cortisone (steroid) oral spray to control the asthma. It was getting toward the time for me to use the asthma spray, and he could hear the slight congestion in my lungs
