not dog in heat kind of sluts. But very sincere women, who like me, had fallen into the prevailing lie of the time, that sex without marriage was a natural and expected way of life. Free sex, morality had become passé.’ Still, I would say without a doubt, a great majority of the women I had sexual encounters with, remained faithful to me and I to them while we dated. However, only a very few times did I ever ask any woman to marry me. Then somehow, something would prevent it from going through.
With my goal of seeking to love and truly be loved in return, satan’s lie that sex for kicks was satisfying, began to take a quick and painful toll on me emotionally. The kicks were not as thrilling as promised by satan. My heart was not in it. When the session was over, I would hurt inside. I would be thinking we just used each other for kicks, much like dogs in heat would do. We should strive for something better than that. Why could we not have done this as an act of love between a husband and his wife? That cherished value would raise its head, causing me to deeply hurt emotionally inside. I began to wonder and question if such a woman as I was seeking really did exist. Was she really just a figment of my imagination?
Still, I would continue listening to satan telling me that until “she” comes along, I need not be a hermit. “Go ahead, have your “fun, you’re only young once!” satan would say. Like a dummy, I went along with it. Never did I stop to think that my action of ignoring God’s standards of purity was only making me more and more unworthy for that someone “special” to arrive in my life.
Nevertheless as I got older, I was tempted to feel as if the boat was sailing off without me. This was what my step-father would tell me, when challenging me. Asking of me when in my mid 50’s, if I really believed I would find someone at this late stage of my life. I would reply by telling him that with God, all things are possible.
Satan would mock me; telling me I had set my standards way too high. He tried his best to convince me the woman I was looking for simply did not exist on this planet, only in my dreams. But I had developed the faith to believe that if I were to begin living for God, one day He would provide for my need and desire to truly love and be loved. Dodie was out there, still in the distance. I didn’t realize that distance was quickly fading, as she was getting closer and closer to my sight!
Chapter Three
At Last! My Angel of Love Appears
The year was 2005, and I was in the early stages of once again becoming a Christian writer. In 2000, I began to write for God once more. By 2005, I would take new chapters received with me to the House of Prayer in Largo, Florida. There I would pray and meditate before the Lord, asking when I would read what I had written; He would reveal anything which was not of Him.
This was where I was when one day upon entering the foyer area where you were allowed to talk; I came across a lady pastor who was showing the House of Prayer to a few of the ladies in her church. Having introduced myself as a Christian author, I entered into conversation with the pastor, whose name I learned was Kara Lynne Brubaker, in hopes of perhaps obtaining an opportunity to come and speak in her church.
She had brought with her three ladies. But one in particular caught my eye and attention. She was without any doubt the most Beautiful woman my eyes had ever seen. Her eyes were aglow and full of the love of God, and her smile would brighten up the room. I was in awe of this woman; she literally took my breath away! Instantly, the desire to get to know her, date her, and maybe ask her to marry me flooded my thoughts.
I was in shock; as such a thing had never happened to me before. I had spent decades being cautious about allowing such thoughts to enter my mind. Now here I was feeling much like a love sick teen aged puppy. As her pastor and I spoke, my gaze kept focusing on this lovely lady who was standing behind her. “Try not to be too obvious” I was thinking to myself. “You don’t want the pastor to notice how distracted you are when she is speaking.” Then came the warning, “Joe, what are you thinking? A woman this Beautiful must be the wife of some millionaire. At this stage of the game, someone as Beautiful as this woman cannot be free. Joe, if you look at this woman lusting after her in your heart, you’ll be guilty of lusting after another mans’ wife!” (Just ask Jimmy Carter).
I wasn’t really “lusting” after her (I had foolishly done enough of that in my younger years). I was simply wishing somehow she could become my wife. But I was puzzled by my sudden desire. I had always been so cautious. I did not even know this woman, was she as beautiful a person inside as she was outside? Not knowing this, why was I wishing so badly that someday I could ask her to be my wife? Then I thought about how her husband might pose a problem with making my wishes come true.
It really got bad, as I almost shouted out loud to myself: STOP STARING AT THIS WOMAN! SURE, SHE’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOUR EYES HAVE EVER SEEN. BUT SHE MUST BE MARRIED, AND THAT MAKES IT WRONG FOR YOU TO STARE. BESIDES, THE PASTOR IS SURE TO NOTICE YOUR LACK OF ATTENTION TO HER, DURING HER PART OF THE CONVERSATION. SO…. STOP IT NOW!
Our conversation finally ended, but before it had, I discovered the name of this woman of such great beauty, it was Dolores M., and the name of the church she attended was Positive Impact Worldwide, in St. Petersburg. It was a long drive from where I was living in Seminole, but guess where I began attending church?
I enjoyed attending church at Positive Impact; Pastor Kara Lynn did a very good job of teaching from the Word. I also discovered that “Dodie” as she was called, was not married to a millionaire as I had supposed. She was divorced, and thankfully, that made her free game! Did I go after her! Trying my best not to be too obvious, I wanted to get her to thinking I was not a bad guy, so when I would ask her out she would be certain to say yes.
I was working on my book, 21st Century Psalms at the time. When I would get a new poem, I would make a copy to share with Dodie, and of course I made one for her sister, Pat, as well. I felt this way it would look innocent enough, and not reveal my true motive. When I finally asked her out, I wanted her to be eager to say yes.
Sometimes the best laid plans go awry! I did not know it until after we were married, but my efforts at reaching Dodie’s heart by sharing my writings with her, only had made her shy away. Why? She said she felt I was too “holy” a man for her. She said she believed she was “unworthy” to go out with me. As she later shared this story with me we both laughed at how wrong she had been. Dodie was the one far more “holier” than me. Dodie was perhaps the best example I have ever seen of one keeping the 11th Commandment. She truly loved others, just as Jesus loved her.
I kind of thought my plan on influencing Dodie was working, when after having had triple by-pass surgery at the VA hospital in Tampa, accompanying pastor Kara Lynn to see me was none other than Dodie. We had yet to date, but I felt hope that my plans were working. I must tell you that Dodie appeared to me to be at least 20 years younger than (62 year old) me. This kind of scared me when the thought of asking her on a date came up; what if she says, “Why would I want to go out with an old man like you?”
But one day shortly after my triple bypass surgery, I got my opportunity to ask Dodie to go out with me. I had to go the Bay Pines VA for a follow up visit. As I was not as yet supposed to drive far, Dodie on hearing of my appointment offered to drive me there. How could I refuse? I viewed this as my first big break. I would ask her to go with me to the soon coming State Fair in Tampa.
So on our way back from the VA I offered to take her to lunch on me. At first she refused. But when I said it was the least I could do to repay her for having taken me to the hospital, she agreed. She only wanted to go to the nearby Steak and Shake restaurant. We became seated in a booth and after we had ordered our food, I nervously made my move.
“Dodie, you know the State Fair is due to open next week. I would really be honored if you would let me take you to it?” I anxiously awaited her
