Interview with OCD: Forty-five Days to End of a New Beginning. Engin Ozertugrul, Ph.D.

      Forty-five Days to

      End of a New Beginning

      Engin Ozertugrul, Ph.D.

      Copyright 2015 Engin Ozertugrul,

      All rights reserved.

      Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com

       http://www.eBookIt.com

      ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-2461-3

      No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

      INTRODUCTION

      The dialogue you are about to read contains the unaltered self-dialogue (self-interview) script of Dr. Engin Ozertugrul’s doctoral dissertation. Unlike any previous research on the subject, the author/researcher self-dialogued his thoughts and feelings in real-time self-to-self conversation in which he was both “I-Researcher” (IR) and “I-Participant” (IP). In this format, the conversation between IR and IP is impromptu and immediately available to readers. In the dialogue, the author explored two research questions: How did I experience obsessions and compulsions? And how do I experience healing from obsessions and compulsions? The results are presented within creative synthesis, the artistic creation that demonstrates the essence of the experience as a true reflection of 45 interview sessions that were conducted over the course of 85 days. There were two creative syntheses—one was formulated at the end of the Part I interview sessions (1-22) and the other at the end of the Part II interview sessions (23-45). The first creative synthesis answered the first question; the second creative synthesis was the composite depiction of both research questions.

      We, people with OCD, face a common enemy and this entitles us to that extra something (or that inner something) that makes our experiences less than amenable to scientific methods. When this mysterious inner experience is absent, our healing may not be complete, however valid and justified our treatment (or therapy) may be. This book can best help you by sharing not only our sorrows, disappointments, and failures but also by framing them in new ways to achieve a real sense of healing. Although, this book is self-contained, it demonstrates the application of the self-healing method described in the author’s doctoral dissertation entitled, Heuristic Self-Search Inquiry into One Experience of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Readers are strongly encouraged to read the dissertation, which is provided as a free supplement, to gain a fuller understanding of the method. The dissertation can be accessed through the following link (web page opens June 2015): www.OCDinstituteforchange.com (No registration or membership is required. Use Promotion code: ‘OCDinstituteforchange’ to download the free copy).

      Special note from the author to people with OCD: Interview with OCD will not provide you with a magic wand. You will still need to do your part: Read. Read closely and repeatedly. The dialogue is designed to use our obsessions to our benefit; it does not intend to treat or cure our OCD. The dialogue is easy to follow. But you may stumble on words that you may not be familiar with. Don’t panic. These words will not hamper your understanding. They will become clear to you at the end. Be prepared to experience self-doubt. People with OCD are masters of self-doubt; it comes with the territory. I designed the dialogue so that self-doubt becomes part of the process—something that you can learn to tolerate, and finally leave behind. Stop reading if you feel very anxious or panicky. Remember, feeling anxious or panicky does not make you stupid. But it can make the material seem more difficult to understand. Be patient with yourself. Do not try to understand everything at once. As a person with OCD, you may encounter similar shifts as you move from one dialogue session to another. If you find yourself conversing with yourself, do not stop. You can always return to reading. It is far more important for you to find your own dialogue rather than reading to mine. Interview with OCD is not about my dialogue, it is about yours. It is about you going somewhere. It is about you removing that barrier, layer upon layer upon layer. Do not stop reading to the dialogue until you start your own. No matter how powerless you feel right now, you can still be an active participant in your healing process. In the dialogue, you will find a problem, a method, and directions for a solution. But the dialogue does not suggest that you must follow my path; it will give you the tools to compose your own story, to pick your own battles, and find your own resolutions. It took me 85 days to write the dialogue. But it took me three decades to get into writing. The first two decades were about pain and suffering. The last decade was about a transformation that rewarded me beyond my wildest expectation. This book constructs the dialogues of these three decades to the best of my recollection. Our goal is to make self-dialogue (as much as possible) inclusive to integral, honest, and transparent presentation. This may be limited by our ability and willingness to disclose. The good news is our ability and willingness to do things is not carved in stone. As you will witness in the dialogue, we occasionally underestimate our capabilities because we generally focus on what we are and rarely stop and think what we can be. Through the experience of one individual, this book informs us about who we are and what we might become.

      Interview Sessions/days: 45

      Interview Period: 85 days

      IR: I-Researcher

      IP: I-Participant