I felt I had failed myself and my parents. But I enrolled at my second choice—Southampton Institute, to study a BA (Hons) in Journalism.
At the time, I had no idea that fate (and distance) would alter my destiny. As I left for university, I was a confident young woman with hopes, aspirations, and dreams of fairy-tale endings. Mum and Dad, Gramps and Nan had it all; I was confident, so would I. The only downside was that Southampton meant I would be further away from Will.
~
Southampton was a huge city, two and a half hours away, and I felt petrified at the thought of being so far from home.
As my leaving day came closer, Will became quiet and showed little interest in my university preparations. I genuinely believed it was because he was sad. Will promised we could make long-distance work, though he had graduated from college and was a highflyer for British Airways as an on-call tech engineer. I ventured off. I cried my eyes out when my parents left me in my new Halls of Residence. I was a capable young woman, but scared.
Fortunately, I shared an 11-bed dorm with some wonderful girls, many who became friends, some best friends for life.
We frequently partied, played funny games and silly dares (naughty challenges). We also danced up a storm in Ikon and Diva nightclub. But we also found time to shop and study.
I must have picked up on my sister’s tricks too and my new university friend, Mary, was gullible, so I had some fun.
I’m not sure which was the cruelest—the letter from the Dean (principal) kicking her out of halls or the prank Halloween calls.
Mary’s boyfriend used to stay over in the halls. I scanned in the university logo and wrote a letter informing Mary she was expelled and kicked out for allowing him to stay.
“What am I going to tell my parents?” she sobbed.
“I’m not sure, but I’m sure they will forgive you,” I comforted.
She cried for at least half an hour before I confessed to my crime and apologized for being so cruel. I did take it too far!
Then there were the scary Halloween calls, my voice saying, “I’m watching you.” Mary burst into my room. “I know it’s you!”
I played dumb, roped in another pal to take my role, then followed her back to her room. The phone rang again, “I’m watching you!” When she saw the caller wasn’t me, she freaked out. Boy, I was mean, but we became best friends, and she still loves me.
~
University was like nothing I’d known. I’d been used to Mum doing all my cooking and cleaning. Now, all I had were recipe cards.
I made it work. I studied, transferred my job at Marks & Spencer, and worked part-time around my degree to earn a wage. This time in ladies’ fashion, so there was no chance of a creepy spider encounter.
Will would visit. I’d grow excited at his arrival for a weekend, but it seemed like every visit was cut short by a work emergency call. At first, I tried to deal with the problem. But this behavior continued for months; it drove a huge wedge between us.
I suppose it also changed how I felt about Will. I felt neglected. He had made his choice: HIS work was more important than US.
The constant disappointment taught me something else—I was only 19. Perhaps, I should be young and carefree like other girls, not tied down. I was confused. But the confusion quickly turned to disillusionment.
One weekend I’d visited Will at his flat in Weston and found a long dark hair in his bed. I felt as though my heart had been torn from my chest.
“What the hell is this? Have you slept with another girl?” I yelled.
“No! Of course not! I wouldn’t. I don’t know how it got there!”
Since I was a mirror image of Claire Richards, the blonde, wild and crazy lead singer of the popular pop group Steps, my mind imagined all sorts of dubious activities.
I went a bit crazy. Will provided some fabricated story.
“I had a party. Loads of people stayed over. I slept on the sofa. I’ve no idea whose hair it is, but I didn’t cheat on you. I wouldn’t.”
Naively, I tried to believe him, because I wanted his explanation to be the truth. Of all the boys I’d known, Will was my childhood sweetheart and my one true love.
Besides, Will had always told me the truth, even when it wasn’t convenient.
Like the time my friend Lily and I had drifted apart. I’d assumed, like Will, that she was upset that I was leaving her behind to attend university.
In the months before I’d left, we were all on a night out in town. Katherine and I shared a taxi home, Will and Lily lived in town.
Lily asked him to walk her home since she didn’t want to walk the dark streets alone. Will obliged. According to Will, Lily tried to kiss him along the way, and he turned down her advances.
When Will told me, I was furious! Lily had tried to kiss her friend’s boyfriend! How could she betray me like that? Was Will’s version of the truth what happened? I’ll never know.
I couldn’t erase the possibility of Will sleeping with another girl from my mind. And I was too proud to ask Lily.
~
After the hair incident, I returned to university a different person. Could I ever completely trust Will again? I also knew I was young, full of life, and had a lot to offer the right someone.
It was also that clear the heartstrings connecting me, and Will were severing. I confided in Mum that I was at the end of my rope. She told me, “Don’t do anything rash,” and to think things over during the Christmas holidays. She adored Will.
I came home and completed the family festivities: traditional turkey with all the trimmings. The unsuspecting Will enjoyed our time together like nothing ever happened.
He even gave me a pair of earrings as a Christmas present. I’d felt sick opening them. They were gold knot studs – timeless classics, but I found them old fashioned. Maybe he didn’t know me at all?
A few days later, into the New Year, I broke his heart. We were tucked away in a bar, Will was his confident self, I’d painted on a smile, but underneath I was a quivering wreck with clammy hands.
I grew some balls and told him to his face, “I’m sorry Will, I can’t do this anymore. The long distance just isn’t working.” I barely saw him anymore because of his job and told him that we should go our separate ways. He cried, so did I.
Mum and Dad were gutted. They loved Will; he had been part of our family for years. I suppose they felt they’d lost a future son-in-law. “Are you sure you’ve made the right decision?” Mum quizzed.
“I don’t know,” I answered sheepishly. I never confided about the hair. I didn’t want Mum to think badly of Will—she loved him.
I believe, if circumstances had been different, and I might have gone to Cardiff, we would
