Dedicated
to
the many families
to whom I have ministered
in their time of grief.
Preface
The death of a loved one is without question one of the most stressful and difficult times in any person’s life. Comfort and support are essential for one to work through this time of grief. I believe that a properly conducted funeral service can assist in the grieving process. A funeral service affords the family an opportunity to reflect on the life of the deceased and receive the love and affirmation of family and friends during this season of grief. The service offers the family of the deceased an occasion and place to share their grief, feel the support and comfort of others, a public opportunity to say “good-bye” to their loved one and to hear the Christian affirmation of the assurance of life after death.
The homily delivered on this occasion provides the family a time to celebrate the life of the deceased loved one and to affirm the Christian hope of eternal life. The homily should not deny the harsh reality of pain, suffering, accidents or death but offer the family a reflective time to focus on the nature of the God of love in the midst of such sorrow. It should not offer easy answers to profound questions about suffering, pain and death but affirm that it is all right to ask questions, express anger or have lapses of doubts and anxiety. The homily should offer assurances that crying is normal and OK and not something which should muster feelings of shame or remorse. “Explanations, no matter how sincere,” Friedrich Schleiermacher wrote, “rarely console.” Suffering and grief will always have many unanswered questions. Every trial affords us an opportunity to learn new ways to respond to the mysteries of grief and pain and search deeper for the Presence of God in our grief and suffering. Above all, the homily is the chance to affirm the abiding presence of God in our grief and to express the Christian hope of life everlasting.
I always meet with the family sometime before the service and solicit words, stories and reflections about the deceased that I might use in the service. I allow them to suggest any scriptures, hymns or poems that might be appropriate for the service. I remind them that this is a service of worship and what we do in the service needs to be suitable for that context. I believe that the homily should make proper reference to the deceased, and I usually use some of the information I have heard from them when I talked with them before the service. A service without any personal reference to the loved one to me is inappropriate and not comforting to the family in their grief. The personal references should be focusing on the positive things in that person’s life and is not a time to dwell on his or her weaknesses. Drawing on the biblical text for the homily, I seek to affirm the grace and love of God in Christ and the promise of life after death. I also do not attempt to make the service an evangelistic occasion, which I believe would be a mistake. I believe that those at the service can “overhear” the good news of the Gospel story in what is said that day. The homily should also be relatively brief and appropriate for the deceased and his or her family.
I normally read earlier in the service several selected biblical texts from the Old Testament and the New Testament such as Psalms 23, 46, 90,121, Isaiah 40:27-31, Proverbs 31:10-30, John 14:1-6, Romans 8:35-38, 1 Corinthians 15:42-44, 53-57, Revelation 21:4 and 22:4-5. I also include prayers such as an invocation and benediction as well as the Lord’s Prayer at appropriate times in the order of the service. If any family member has a part in the service, I usually include her or him before the homily. Hymns, solos or choral music, if utilized, are also spaced in their appropriate order of the worship service. An Order of Worship is usually furnished to the worshippers so they can follow the service.
The following homilies are samples of funeral meditations I have preached over the years in various churches where I have served as pastor. The homilies reflect persons from various walks of life, different ages, some who died suddenly, and others who died after prolonged illnesses, suicides, etc. The names have been changed, but the homilies are a reflection of ministry to real people and an effort to meet genuine needs. None of these homilies is an attempt to produce “outstanding” sermons but are meditations that sought to offer comfort and hope to grieving families. There is always some repetition in funeral meditations since they all focus on some perspective of grief, suffering and the assurance of life after death. I also concluded many of my meditations with a poem or hymn, often using Tennyson’s “Crossing the Bar” and Rudyard Kipling’s “When Earth’s Last Picture Is Painted.” Even if I used one of these poems on several of the homilies included here, I decided to have them appear on only one of the meditations rather than being repeated several times.
Many of the psalms provide clear examples of laments to God. A least a third of the psalms are lament psalms, some forty-two are individual laments and sixteen are corporate laments. Lament examples can be found in Psalms 5, 6, 13, 22, 38, 44, 51, 77, 102, 103, 130 and others. Many view these psalms as negative and with an accusatory tone directed toward God. Some have questioned whether their tone is appropriate for Christian prayers. To me they reveal how persons have not only been completely honest in their prayers to God but have affirmed that God is open to all of our real feelings, and we do not have to play games with our deepest thoughts and anguish. Many people have often felt guilty if they have had negative, angry or hostile feelings toward God or others in their time of suffering or grief. But the laments in the Psalms reveal to us the openness of God to our deepest feeling whether they are positive or negative. We should also note that Jesus, deeply grieved and agitated, voiced his personal lament in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me” (Matthew 26:36-46) and on the cross with his agonizing cry, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15: 34).
The homily in the funeral service should reflect a positive openness to the genuine feelings of those who are grieving without any stance of guilt or embarrassment. The minister has the opportunity to affirm the positive dimensions of lament and still offer the assurance of trust found in such Psalms as 4, 23, 73, 62, 100 and the New Testament words of hope. When people believe they can be honest with God, the minister and others, healing from their grief will occur sooner. Genuine lament can be a positive force in healing.
I want to express my appreciation again to my friend and fellow minister, Rand Forder, for his careful proofreading of the original manuscript.
1: A Homily
for
Janice Gill
(A Teacher)
The Lord stood with me and strengthened me.
2 Timothy 4:17 (KJV)
Recently, our shores and the Gulf Coast have experienced great storms and hurricanes. A number of years ago in Tokyo, Japan, a devastating hurricane came through there and destroyed many of the houses. Two young girls went with their parents to their temple to pray. They said, “Our parents just looked up at the gods and scowled.” But, she stated that Christians looked up to God, sang songs, prayed, and began to build their homes again.
Today, we acknowledge that this family has gone through many storms of suffering, pain, and death. During this time, they leaned back in quiet faith on God, and now you seek to begin to rebuild your lives. Paul reminds us, “The Lord stood with me and strengthened me.” Today, we seek to acknowledge the God who stands with us and strengthens us.
Christ Present in Janice’s Life
First, Christ stood with Janice Gill in her living. She was a teacher for twenty-five years. She taught English and Special Education. She had all the traits of a good teacher. She was caring, loving, patient, understanding, knowledgeable, and much more. Janice had a great compassion
