I got nothing done—the conclusion was simply that I had to be prepared not just to mention names in prayer, but to bear these peoples' burdens before the Lord. Included was a call to intercession, but also a call to a greater concern for the experience of those I taught. It was not a time of correction for my doctrinal beliefs, but a call to application of those beliefs; a call to live up to what I taught.
Since then I have spent much more of my time in prayer, and much more of my teaching time in teaching about prayer. The key lesson I learned from this August experience was simply that the Lord continuously calls us to move in closer and to become more real in our ministry and in our activity.
I’d like to tell you, and I’m sure you’d like to see that as I became closer to God the troubles stopped. But that isn’t true. Since that time, I have experienced both great joy and considerable hardship. I don’t try to rank hardships, and neither should you. I found my particular set of hardships very difficult to bear. But God has continued to sustain me and to teach me through all of them.
One of the joys I experienced came in November of 1999 as I was married and acquired a family and even a grandchild at age 42. A year before, the Lord had led me to my wife-to-be, Jody Webb, who was a prayer warrior in our church, and particularly in individual prayer ministry. The Lord first directed me to her to hear her thoughts and ideas regarding prayer. I was working with a city-wide prayer movement at the time, and following one of our prayer meetings I was troubled by a number of things that had happened. I prayed earnestly about the problem but didn’t get any guidance or understanding.
Finally, I heard the Lord say, “I have already told you who in this church has the gifts and insights on this issue. Ask her! I’m not going to tell you.” I must note here that I never get these wonderful revelations from God that some people report—when I hear from God it’s usually a shove in the right direction.
So I went right then and asked her, and indeed she did have insights into that prayer meeting and I did find it enlightening. I did believe that I got guidance from the Lord through that contact.
Later, I felt the Lord leading me to seek a closer relationship with this lady. I’m going to discuss discernment and knowing when God is speaking and what God is saying to you in a later chapter. Right here I want to say something about hearing from the Lord about things that involve another person’s life. Your words from the Lord about how you should behave should never become the means of pressuring or putting another person on the spot. I felt more strongly than I had ever felt anything in my life that I should court Jody. But I also knew that she had to follow her judgment and what she heard from the Lord. I believe that I always framed my conversations in such a way that I was not using any claim of the Lord speaking to me as pressure on her.
People who claim to speak for God should remember this. The hearer is also someone who can listen to the Spirit of God and can and must discern. God’s word is always true, but it never comes labeled with safety warnings. Each person must discern. It is more like one person getting an insight and letting others seek their understanding of it.
When we got engaged, I followed the same principles. I had been praying for over a week. When I spoke to her about it, instead of asking her and expecting an immediate answer, I told her that I had been praying about it, but that she should have as much opportunity as she desired to hear from God for herself. I offered her my commitment, but did not give any time frame. I said I was not going to bring it up again. She would just have to get her timing from God.
It took about a week. That was quite a week of waiting. I had felt God’s leading to ask, but I had not felt any kind of “prediction” form God as to how things would proceed. At the time her son—soon to be our son—was in treatment for cancer. There were plenty of reasons why she (and I, for that matter) wouldn’t want to add complications to our lives. But God led, and God provided, and we were married.
The major of sorrow my life over the last five years came with the major sorrow. Our son James was 12 years old when he was diagnosed. Over time, our relationship grew very close, but those five years were punctuated by episodes with cancer treatment, and finally, in September of 2004, with his death. But there was a peace and even a joy involved there too. As James knew he was about to go, he called for his family, and we called for his closest friends who played in the praise band with him. They gathered around, pulled out the guitars and sang. My wife read some favorite scriptures to him as various ones of us gathered around. He passed on peacefully, and we felt the presence of God in the room.
Some people believe that we must receive physical healing in order for God to be present and involved. But James, at 17 years of age, was able to accept what was happening to him, and to live as a witness of courage. His high school band has named an award for excellence in percussion performance after him. His church is collecting money to create a multimedia studio in his name and based on his plans. There is a golf tournament that raises money for children with cancer that was inspired by his actions. His deeds keep following him.
I want to make it clear that the joy doesn’t eliminate the sorrow. Many people think that the hope of heaven, and the good things accomplished by a person in life ought to eliminate the sorrow of death. They do help bear it. They do help us move on with our lives, but they don’t make the cancer a good thing. They just make some good out of a very bad experience.
As I write this I’m focusing my teaching ministry on small groups, the internet, and writing. I believe with all my heart that God leads and acts in the present. You’re going to read a number of my thoughts and my understanding of how God acts and how we should act in this book.
Many people have a problem associating the parts of me they call “liberal” with the parts of me they call “conservative” and those they call “charismatic.” I’m not particularly interested in making the labels work together. I’m not willing to argue much about labels. I believe firmly in Jesus Christ as my savior and Lord. I believe that he commanded me to love, and that the love he commands makes me reach out to everyone openly, honestly and without judgment. I believe that he works every day and that there is nothing God was willing to do in the days of the apostles that he is not willing to do today.
Some find my statement that Jesus is my savior and Lord impossible to reconcile with my pursuit of dialogue. Some find my focus on scripture impossible to reconcile with my view that God speaks today, and that God’s gifts continue. I’m sorry if I scramble your labels—No I’m not!! I think your labels need scrambling.
If you don’t want them scrambled, don’t read this book!
Have the same attitude of mind that Jesus had,
Though he was in the divine form,
He did cling to his equality with God,
But he emptied himself,
Taking the form of a slave,
Becoming human in form,
And being found in human pattern,
He became obedient to death,
Even death on a cross,
So God has exalted him,
And given him a name above all names,
So that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow
Heavenly, earthly and beneath the earth,
And every tongue should confess
That
