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Published in Australia by Sid Harta Publishers Pty Ltd,
ABN: 46 119 415 842 23
Stirling Crescent, Glen Waverley, Victoria 3150 Australia
Telephone: + 61 3 9560 9920, Facsimile: + 61 3 9545 1742 E-mail: [email protected]
First published in Australia 2009 This edition published 2009
Copyright © Noel Braun 2009
Cover design: Chameleon Print Design
The right of Noel Braun to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
The information in this book is based on the author’s personal experiences and opinions. The publisher specifically disclaims responsibility for any adverse consequences which may result from use of the information contained herein.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
Braun, Noel
No Way to Behave at a Funeral
ISBN: 978-1-921642-47-0
Digital Distribution: Ebook Alchemy
ISBN: 9781877006494 (Epub)
Her eyes are open
But she cannot see
Beyond the black veil
Drawn across her world
She longs for the bright sun
To shine upon her earth
And banish the bleak dark shadows.
She longs for the gentle breeze
To lift the heavy curtain
That hides the good things in her life
But all she can feel
Are bleak cold winds
That chill her to the soul.
—Noel Braun, 2004
Dedicated to the memory of my cherished wife,
Maris, whose support, encouragement and
quiet confidence inspired me, and continues to do so.
Foreword
In Australia, as in many countries, suicide is a leading cause of death. More people die each year from suicide than from breast cancer or in car accidents. Yet it is one of the least talked about health issues in our community.
So when a book like this comes along, I feel compelled to encourage everyone to read it, especially men.
Suicide is devastating, especially for the friends and family of someone who takes their own life. Words can not describe the unimaginable pain that can come when we lose a loved one, or someone close to us. Combine this with feelings of guilt and confusion that can almost engulf us after the suicide of someone we know, and the results can be debilitating.
Books like this can make a difference. The way Noel openly and honestly explores the feelings and deep emotions he felt following the suicide of his wife are powerful and so important for our society. Men in particular often bottle up their emotions, and this can have extremely detrimental effects in the long run. People bereaved by suicide are vulnerable themselves and Noel’s story helps us confront this notion and provides us with a pathway to a greater understanding.
The book is also a love story and we journey with Noel, as his relationship with his wife changes, but not in the way you might think. There is a message of hope in this book and the brave way that the author shares his very personal story and his relationship, means we can travel with him. I felt privileged to be a part of his journey.
From the funeral at the beginning right through to learning to live a life with his wife in a new way, the book provides us with an insight into the mind of a man who has experienced life, love and death, and who has arrived on the other side willing to share his experiences.
I felt inspired by his story, and it is a compelling one, around a topic that we desperately need to begin to talk about more openly. I know you will gain a great deal from reading it and I hope it leaves you with one key thought. While suicide is a whole of community health issue and we all have a role to play in suicide prevention, there is always hope, it is the glue that binds us all.
Dawn O’Neil AM
CEO Lifeline Australia
Come on a journey from shock horror and absolute loss, through pain and sorrow, to the cliffs of despair.
Always in the darkness there is a little candle flickering. Love is never extinguished. Slowly, ever so slowly, the light dawns.
You may have made this journey yourself. As you read, may you gain comfort and courage to carry on. Someone you know and love may be on that journey. Now you will have a deeper respect and understanding of them.
Whatever the case may be, you will be changed, encouraged to live each moment of your life with gratitude and grace. These words are not idly written. I know Noel, the man; respect and love him. Noel gives us such a great gift in this book.
Father Peter McGrath cp
Founder Passionist Family Group Movement
Preface
A number of reasons lie behind my writing this book. Foremost, I want to honour my wife Maris for the forty-one years that we shared together. I loved her all those years and continue to love her. She is a continuing presence and influence in my life. I like to think of this book as a love story, just a little different from what you would normally find in bookshops, libraries, movies and TV.
Secondly, my hope is that this book may give some comfort and support to those whose lives have been shattered by a loved one’s suicide. My heart goes out to them. The suicide of a loved one tops the list of stressors and permanently alters the lives of survivors. What my bereavement has bought to me is vulnerability, but it is a vulnerability that has become a gift for me, and for others, by sharing it. By sharing my pain, my loss, my emptiness, I hope that others who have had a similar experience will share their pain, their grief, their anguish, their feelings of inadequacy and inability to cope.
I hope that the men who read this
