I understand that police had to give S a warning at a shopping centre. In contrast, Lisa’s teacher supported her in obtaining the intervention order for 12 months. Lisa commented upon the difference between the TAFE teacher who supported and believed her and the attitude of staff at Highett where all her concerns went unheeded and she felt blamed, guilty and responsible.
Like many other victims, Lisa was badly affected by her bullying. It affected her schoolwork and her career opportunities, her physical, emotional and social health and her self-esteem. She became extremely depressed and anxious. It affected her family and her relationships with others. She experienced a high level of trauma, which has had a devastating impact on her life.
It is a sign of how far she has come that she has had the courage to survive and write this book. It is also a reflection of her intelligence which was never given an opportunity to develop at school.
It has taken her a long time – many years of pain and suffering, self harm, confusion, depression, anxiety. She has required medication and lots of treatment. The bullying also appears to have exacerbated any predisposition she had to other psychological difficulties. My understanding is that often she was treated by those who meant well, but did not understand the trauma associated with being bullied at school. In fact, they may have made the situation worse. I don’t know if she has learnt how to block bullies now or just avoids them.
It is not easy to guess in hindsight what could have helped her at any stage of her tortuous journey. Obviously the school should have had policies, programs and consequences to reduce bullying. But her bullying occurred a few years ago, when there was no legislation. But they did have welfare and discipline policies, however failed to use them. They could have also extended basic caring and kindness and encouraged her to learn some skills. They could have referred her for counseling outside the school. I cannot understand why no one investigated her distress, undertook appropriate action, referred her for help or suggested she leave that toxic environment.
It would have helped her to learn how to cope or blend in. If she had been referred to a psychologist, like myself, I could have helped her learn the appropriate bully blocking® skills in a short period of about six to eight sessions, as I have done for many years and continue to do so with many students. Sadly the school and her parents were unaware of these services.
Although her parents did the best they could, they should have moved her. Hopefully parents reading this book will either obtain counseling or remove their child. Parents are responsible and need to take action. It is a medical issue, and should be treated as such.
It’s sad that Lisa had no other option for resolving her case and was forced to go to court to obtain validation, justice and compensation. It is also amazing how Lisa managed the adversarial games of the bully barristers and court. Hopefully going to court validated Lisa and was self-empowering.
When Lisa first approached me to write an introduction for her book, I wasn’t sure if she would see her project through. Despite many difficulties she has persisted and now her book is a reality. This book shows that she wants to understand why she was bullied, move on from her awful experiences and help others understand why school bullying is so toxic. The message to the reader is clear – if bullying is happening in your family, get immediate psychological help for your child or move them to another school.
I hope that along the way Lisa too has learnt how to deal with damage and learnt the appropriate skills to empower her future relationships. I congratulate her on her persistence to write this book. I hope it is sign of things to come and that she will continue to turn her bad experiences into something worthwhile for her self and others.
Evelyn M. Field FAPS
Evelyn M. Field is a psychologist, professional speaker, and media psychologist. She empowers people to block school and workplace bullies and develop social survival skills. She has written two bestselling books, Bully Busting and Bully Blocking and is currently writing a book on workplace bullying.
‘You’re a bad person, you were meant to die years ago, you deserve punishment, you are useless, you’re never going to amount to anything, cut yourself bitch.’ This is what it was like to be in my head. I don’t want to stay here, and if I do stay here I’ll die. How would I choose to die? This way of thinking is strenu-ous and I’m tired. I can’t eat, or think or feel. All I can do is sleep and hope that I don’t wake up. I don’t crave anything. I am just floating around the earth looking for a place to park.
Let me start by saying that I have always been different. It’s something I have felt inside, even growing up.
I led a happy and privileged childhood filled with family outings and my parents adored me. I remember my summers were spent playing with the slip and slide in the backyard, having picnics at the beach and going to Gasworks Park. But, despite the good times I can always remember a strange, dark feeling inside me, like a sense of dread. I felt it strongly, but I now realize that others must have noticed it too.
I felt sad a lot of the time, sad about the way the world was, sad about animals in cruel situations, sad about the way people were mistreated. I think it begins with the fact that I over think and analyze more than my friends do. People have always told me “You think too much” I seem to examine the ins and outs of everything. I take things the wrong way and I am overly sensitive. I was also scared and isolated in my childhood years.
Because I was so often on my own, I spent too much time thinking and I came to some odd conclusions. For example, whenever I thought about the suffering in the world I would be overcome by a sense of guilt and feel responsible for it all, as if I was the only one who could change anything. I convinced myself that if I was well enough and used my initiative, I would be able to fix everything.
But I hid all of this. I wanted to appear normal. I longed to be part of a group. I longed to belong.
I wasn’t always like this. I used to have fun. I remember growing up in ‘The Pink Palace’ (the name of our house when we were growing up). I used to play dress ups and Barbie’s and listen to The Bangles. I used to laugh free and hard and look forward to the rest of my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to be but I thought I had a chance. I had my whole life ahead of me.
In primary school I received high marks. I was okay then. I had no idea that in a few years time I would be bullied, bashed, attempt suicide, be locked in a psychiatric ward, receive ECT (Electric Shock Therapy) become a prostitute and homeless and finally come out the other end.
I was medicated, locked up; ostracized, and then I finally became acclimatized to the situation. And then I began to exist. And it was like waking up from a deep sleep and I could think and feel and talk again. And life was too beauti-ful. I never saw all the opportunities in life so clearly before. How could I have been so numb?
Mental illness is unpredictable and unforgiving and it is numbing, unrelentless and enveloping. While I found ECT extremely helpful during my worst attack of depression, there’s still the residual fog and memory loss it can bring.
I didn’t write this book to complain or to receive sympathy. I wrote it in an attempt to educate the public on the issues of homelessness, mental illness and victimization.
I dedicate this book to all people who are being bullied and who have been bullied. May you find some hope and comfort!
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