BACKGROUND
Just so you know.
It was another dull and dreary day. Rain again. It had been raining, everyday, for the past number of months. At least that was what I remembered. I wasn’t sure. The week before I mentioned the miserable surplus of rain to my Mom and she had been incredulous. She assured me that the city had experienced a record dry season with 56 straight days of hot, sunny weather. That fact did not really register. I just felt dull and depressed.
Now this morning, my husband announced that he was going out of town on business for the week and would be back late Friday night. I felt a quick stab of hope and suggested that we tag along. I could spend the entire day playing at the pool with my son Tommy, a busy three-year-old. My hope quickly collapsed as he replayed his recorded response, “No, that would be inappropriate. This is company business, not the time for family.” As usual, I felt flattened. That moment of hope was annihilated.
He was gone within the hour and I sat drearily at the kitchen table feeling alone and rejected. I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I do remember thinking back to my university days just three short years before. While all my classmates were graduating with excitement and full of hope for new jobs and a bright future, I had been pregnant and without hope.
My parents did not attend my graduation. The week before, they told me to “Get Out!” They were outraged that I would bring disgrace on the family name. That I was single and pregnant broke all the “rules” and was just not acceptable behavior. They could not be a part of such a life.
Having no income, I registered for welfare. Government rules stipulated that I name the father. With nowhere to turn, I had no choice. Within days, he had left town without saying goodbye. I felt abandoned.
He had not been pleased about the pregnancy anyway. At the church where he worked, he had already told everyone that he was not the father, and I was just trying to smear his name.
Their response was to ask me not to come back. “They didn’t want any problems.” I guess this was a standard response back in the seventies. With no home, no family, no friends, and no future, I was in the depths of despair.
Eventually Tommy was born and a year went by. He became the love of my life and everything I did revolved around him and his baby needs.
Unexpectedly, I met a former classmate and we met several times for coffee. He was doing great. A well-known corporation had hired him right out of university. He and I had shared classes in Economics and Business Administration, so we had lots of interesting “corporate” things to talk about. Having been immersed in baby talk for over a year, I was an avid listener as he told me all the details about his different clients and their business situations. Long story short, we were soon married.
Unfortunately, once we married, everything changed. He worked long hours then spent the evenings in front of the TV. Soon, he told me that he could not discuss any details about his job as the company demanded complete confidentiality. I wondered what had changed. I had enjoyed the stories in the past, without telling anyone. Now I could not be trusted? And whom would I tell anyway? We had moved again and I had no friends to talk to. I felt alone, abandoned and rejected all over again.
I remember him leaving, knowing he would be gone for four days. I remember thinking that my Mom was working all week so would not be visiting. I must have taken Tommy to a sitter, that memory escapes me. I remember thinking that the way things were going; he’d have a better future with someone else than he would with me.
Next thing I remember is being at the hospital having my stomach pumped. My Mom had unexpectedly dropped by and found me.
It has been a long road back and I am here today to tell you that things can get better. Yes, you have to work for it. This book has been written so that I could share helpful methods with you. I hope that you find the strength to overcome and be encouraged to persevere through to victory.
YOUR DEPRESSION
Recognize Any Of These Statements?
I am depressed.
I don’t feel like it.
I don’t feel well.
It’s not worth it.
I can’t do it.
I don’t want to.
I feel sick.
I have no energy.
I have nothing to give.
I am worth nothing.
I might as well give up.
I have no friends.
What’s the use?
I am worth nothing.
No one appreciates me.
Change is impossible.
I’m a mess.
I have ruined everything.
I am the source of all my problems.
I can’t function as well as others.
I might as well give up.
I never think new or creative thoughts.
My mind has limited thinking abilities.
I am a blight on the face of the earth.
No one in the world needs or desires me.
I gave up years ago when I realized ….
My family does not have time for me.
They make me feel like I am in the way.
No one values my opinion.
I have nothing to offer that anyone would want.
I have no hope for the future.
Something always goes wrong for me.
Things will never get any better.
I am faced with impossible problems.
I am disappointed with myself and my life.
I keep remembering all the things I did wrong.
My life is empty and not worth living.
I am inadequate, not good enough.
My supervisor never appreciates my efforts.
The Bible says, “There is nothing new under the sun.” That statement describes my life.
OVERVIEW OF DEPRESSION
Depression
