As these sessions did for me, it accelerates the flow of these frequencies and completely alters one’s perspective and one’s life (not to mention the lives of those around you!)…and that is merely the beginning.
There are never two Axials alike, and they are never small. I am absolutely awestruck by the sheer magnitude of this transformative process. My respect for both this procedure and for the person choosing to take this step has never waned. Nor has my gratitude for it. It is enormously beautiful, as it was for me. That much I do remember.
The effect of this procedure on me was instantaneous and very much like the “drop in the ocean”. So you can imagine how this affected our family, our household, our business, friends, the grocer, my hairdresser…and the ripples keep going out.
It was a palpable change. We had an amazing gift come to us, in the form of a respite carer named Karen. She came to us for a couple of hours a week to give me a little break, although we spent most of the time chatting anyway. Karen had only recently made some fairly radical changes in her own life, and while at this stage she wasn’t sure where she was going, she knew these decisions were true to her heart. Unlike me, she trusted that. She is truly wonderful. Eventually I had the privilege of doing both her and her husband’s Axial Initiations.
Karen arrived for her shift on the same day I worked on Lynn and her removalist, just as the removalist was walking comfortably out the door. Karen looked a little perplexed as she watched him leaving, then came inside, took one look at me and said, “Oh my god! What has happened to you?” Apparently I looked entirely different. Being in the room with me felt changed also. I honour the role Karen played in this transition, as it was not dissimilar to the backboard in basketball: Just as it seemed all over and I’d convinced myself that for some unknown reason I had become delusional, she’d rebound the reality back into play. Such friendships proved invaluable as I transitioned into this purpose.
About ten days after I’d met my friend and his team, and about a week after my own quantum bioenergetic initiation, I attended their workshop. There I learnt a lot about people! This was a crowd I’d never experienced before, a New Age crowd. Reiki masters were many, and every type of alternative healing method and procedure was represented in that room; Thought Field Therapy, Quantum Touch, EMF Balancing, Reiki, Bowen, Pranic, Crystal, Kahuna, massage therapists of all types and more. It caused quite a stir when we were asked to each introduce ourselves and I stood up and said, “Hi, I’m Melissa Hocking. I’m an anatomical physiologist. Until recently, I was an officer in the Australian Army. And most importantly, I am a wife and mother.” In a nutshell.
New words such as “modality” entered my vocabulary, and new experiences abounded. There were some truly amazing, genuinely gifted people in that room, sharing wisdom and generously sharing themselves. I was learning so much. An unexpected bonus was that I also had numerous unsolicited readings from various psychics and clairvoyants. Someone would walk up to me and say, “Do you know you have nine spirits working with you at the moment? One of them is a child.” I replied, “That would be right! I thought I left the kids at home.” And we would laugh.
Inside though, I was reeling. I felt as if I was clinging to my sanity by my fingertips. Changes were occurring at warp speed. I wasn’t sleeping for the burning and buzzing in my hands, arms and upper body, which had started the day I “hung around” after the talk. I was seeing things that in this life I had been conditioned to fear. People who weren’t in the physical, shall we say, would walk toward me and take my hand or sit next to me and, frankly, scare the heck out of me. These were not spirits that were “stuck” or “ghosts”, if you will, but spirits who apparently just wanted to say “hi”. A very confrontational battle with fear began. I had anticipated physical healing, literally phenomenal physical healing, certainly, but this spiritual element…
In that crowd, I also experienced an element of hostility that was new to me. The few close friends I made there were defending me as only friends would, as apparently jealousy became an issue. Savannah became my sanctuary. I was an attending novice in this crowd. I thought these people would be spiritually evolved and certainly above such petty rubbish, but it seemed I was wrong. In fact, I would venture to say that in some regards ego was a greater issue in this particular audience. Everyone there wanted to be special, to be gifted, to be better than everyone else, and above all, to be recognized as such. Normal human behaviour, just amplified.
On Sunday morning as I walked up the stairs to the last day of the workshop, much to my own surprise I quickly turned the other way and ran into the ladies’ room. I hid in a cubicle in a fog of uncertainty as I pretty much lost control. I shook violently and tears flowed; my heart pounded and I did not want to leave that cubicle. Actually looking at the words now, it looks pretty much like a panic attack, doesn’t it? It wasn’t, but it apepars to be one. All the time, I was thinking, This is just some New Age workshop. What is my problem? Just walk in there and finish it, Melissa! But I had never felt so alone, just desolate, and strangely, kind of abandoned.
I was aware that I had crossed a line of sorts but couldn’t remember making the choice to do so, a difficult concept for a choleric individual. It wasn’t about the healing gift, it was about the absolute abandon from a world I knew and functioned pretty well in, into a world I had always known but couldn’t recall the techniques with which to survive. I was despondent and terrified and really not sure why. I was trying to remember who I was, or at least how I was. These changes were occurring at the very core of me, at a deeper level that I had ever known in this life.
The next day my friend and his team left the country and I entered the abyss. I have always and will always appreciate that they did their best to escort me in my introduction to this gift, and I am always grateful for it. Beyond the enigma of what was happening through me, we had discovered friendship between us. To have such friends, those who had walked similar paths and could empathize, to at least some degree, was priceless…The friends that rapidly came onboard as word spread about what I was doing had mad schedules of their own. Under constant demand themselves, I didn’t want to bother them. Occasionally, of course, it all became too much and I did.
I would call and say, “Something weird is happening” and go into it. I would usually finish with, “Is this normal?” How any of them did not blatantly laugh at that question, I don’t know. Invariably the answers were bloody frustrating. If it wasn’t “I don’t know”, (one of my own common answers these days), then it was “You already know the answer to that, Melissa, don’t you?” (apparently not) or “Keep going, Melissa. You’re doing an incredible thing.” These wonderful people knew, as I do now, that the truest education would come from within. That’s why I had to go over the precipice and down deep into the abyss.
The close-up into the life I now lead, the path I now go down, I would not ordinarily share with you. It is personal, and it hasn’t been easy. However, in the past couple of years it has become evident that people need to see the battle that went on within me so that they don’t feel alone in their own transition. Wisdom is born of experience and I would rather you could share in mine than walk the road alone, as I did.
That said, I recognize that I do in fact continue to walk the road alone. Scott Alexander King reminded me, in his book Animal Dreaming, that in my commitment to pass this on to you I chose to walk this spiritual path alone. For the only way I can truly assist anyone else is to take on the lesson myself and be true to the contract I not only agreed to, but orchestrated. I am fortunate that I have great friends and family who walk a similar road beside me, and my gratitude for them never wanes. When you get right down to it, however, this contract, this purpose, is my own responsibility.
A year or two into this, I was invited to a conference in Sedona, Arizona. By that stage I was tormented by the choices I had before me. Honestly, I was about to walk away from this work. I’d absolutely had enough of the small-minded, unethical and unprofessional behaviour of the people I was trying
