I write this, I’ve just realised that Sister St Angela sent the dunce of the class to go on an errand. Maybe all the times she sent me on an errand she just wanted to get the protestant out of her class.
I headed for home at about three-thirty and we’d worked out that if I walked a particular route home, I’d get there at approximately my usual time. I got to within five minutes walking distance from home when my father and Edith drove past me in Dad’s work van. They saw me and pulled up. I started to panic because it was too early for Dad to be home from work. I thought God, I’m in for it if they’ve found out that I’ve wagged it, but they greeted me with as much love and happiness as they always did. I climbed into the van and kissed them both and asked where they were going Dad said he had to make a delivery up the road. We drove up the hill I’d just walked down
Edith ‘How was your day?.’
Amelia ‘It was alright’
Edith ‘Only alright, what did you learn?’
Amelia ‘Nothing much just the usual boring stuff’
Edith ‘Did you go to music or elocution today?’
Amelia ‘Yes, Sister Leonard was as cranky as she always is’
Edith ‘That’s unusual we thought you might have been sick or something’
Amelia ‘Why?’
Edith ‘Because you weren’t at school at all were you?’
I knew there was no point in denying it because someone had opened their mouth and I was convinced that Byron Carney must have seen or heard me at Jenny’s place. As it turned out it was an old battle-axe by the name of Mrs McCaully who had seen Jenny and I going to the shop to buy biscuits. She was an acquaintance of my parents and had rung Edith at nine-thirty, bloody old busy body. I had visions of putting a rock through her window but I figured she’d see who did it. She was always spying on everyone from behind her curtains. I don’t recall the punishment for wagging school so it couldn’t have been too severe it was punishment enough getting found out. The shame of disappointing them and Sister Mary St Angela was punishment enough. Jenny and I had always been really nice to Mrs McCaully, up until that day. After that whenever we passed her house, we’d stick our fingers up in the reversed V for victory sign, but if we saw her in the street, we’d keep a good distance from her trying to make sure she didn’t see us. But she probably did.
Chapter 5
The Brady Bunch
Edward and I were always looking for new and exciting adventures to be involved in. In all probability it stemmed from us being avid listeners to such radio programmes as The Adventures of Hop Harrigan, Superman, and Biggles. My all-time favourite show was Yes What, we called it Greenbottle after the main character. Listening to those programmes every afternoon was a definite must. The only time we missed an episode of any of the shows was when we went into 4BH studios to be in the audience of The Coca Cola Bottler’s Club. The announcer was an absolute shit of a man who used to swear and abuse all the kids for no apparent reason other than he probably didn’t like kids. Any kid that was well behaved was chosen to read the ads. Edward and I were always very well behaved and good at reading so we were nearly always chosen. It wasn’t for the egotistical high or the prestige of speaking on the radio we just wanted the payment of lollies, ice blocks and drinks that were given out. We may not have been geniuses, but we sure as hell weren’t complete dills.
All told in our street there were about twelve homes, but there were sixteen kids from three families. The White’s across the road was a noisy household with eight kids but only the two youngest ones were James and Edward’s age. Joey was one of Edward’s mates and he was a gangling drongo of a kid whose only real interest in life was birds and getting into mischief. Frankie was a quiet sort of a kid like James and they used to muck around together a bit. The rest of the family Mary, Paddy, Peggy, Theresa, Una and Tony were between two and ten years older than James, so by the time we were all school age they were all in high school or going to work. Mrs White was a nice little lady but her husband was a big loud ex-cop who frightened his own kids when he yelled, so you can imagine how intimidated outsiders felt about him especially Edward and me. Sometimes Joey would invite Edward and me to play in his backyard and to look at all his pigeons. Mr White would come out and bellow, ‘Youse bloody kids git on home or I’ll take me belt off to youse.’ We wouldn’t argue, we’d be off like Flash Gordon and sometimes he’d chase us yelling, ‘Go on and if youse come back again I’ll boot youse in the arse.’
Yes, he was a good Irish Catholic. Full of love and good cheer to all.
When he died, he was laid out in the front room for all the relatives and friends to come and view the body and pay their last respects. I went over because I’d never seen a dead’n before but they wouldn’t let me into the front room so I was a bit annoyed about that.
The Ballard family lived next door. Mr Ballard was a funny man who originated from Scotland. He’d been in Australia for years but his accent was as broad as if he’d arrived off the boat the day before. I liked him as he was always nice to any kid who came to play with his five kids and more times than not, he was always half shot. He’d often burst into song, singing all the old Scottish songs. I remember him always trying to make me laugh by saying funny things. One particular day he was trying to teach us all to talk with a Scottish accent, ‘It’s a broad brit moonlit nit tonit, always remember, it’s not the way you wriggle your tongue it’s the way you wriggle your R’s.’
Mrs Ballard was also a funny person not funny ha-ha though, she was funny peculiar. Peculiar in the sense that she would cross to the other side of the street with her head down, rather than say hello to any of her neighbours. She was friendly enough once you got talking to her in her own home but if you saw her five minutes later in the street, she’d avoid you like the plague.
Hannah, the eldest of the family was exactly one month younger than Edward. She had olive skin, black hair and brown eyes and was a very attractive girl with a lovely dimpled smile. People who didn’t know her mistook her to be Italian or of foreign extraction.
Dotty was eleven months older than me she was fair skinned and rather plain. She had a habit which I have always detested she bit her nails right down to the base of the quick. She was mousy and most like her mother in nature.
Lorna was about two years younger than me she had olive skin and black hair and she too was a timid sort of person yet with a rebellious streak which came to the fore as she got older. You’d be forgiven for mistaking Lorna as being part Aboriginal except for her lips which were very thin giving her a rather downtrodden look about her.
Annie was about two years younger than Lorna and was blonde, blue eyed, fair skinned with an attractive face and bright personality. She was a lovely girl.
Jimmy was about a year younger than Annie and he too had olive skin, brown eyes and black hair. He was a typical little boy who annoyed the living daylights out of all the girls, but he was a nice enough good kid.
Everyone who saw all the Ballard kids together could not believe they were related. Someone, I don’t remember who, told me that Mrs Ballard’s grandfather was a South Sea Islander hence the dark skin of Mrs Ballard and three of the kids. Or as Edith succinctly put it, ‘They’re throw backs’ Whatever that meant.
Lorna was an easy target for my terror tactics, it’s not a bit of wonder she became rebellious in her teenage years I probably drove her to it.
