isn’t it? To get Jackson?” Her voice quivered with rage, for it was also why he’d forced her to abandon her baby and her lover.
Holder came closer and put his hand on Kate’s arm. When she recoiled, he pulled his hand back and stared at it, then protested: “We need you, Kate! We can’t let the Company get further and further into this chaos. Matthew had resigned. There is nobody else to trust. Nobody who could get it done.”
Kate searched her handler’s face and was shocked as she glimpsed pain in his expression. First she wavered but then shook her sympathy off.
Bastard! I’m glad you’re hurting.
She said nothing, letting him squirm under her gaze.
Holder straightened. “What if I’d told you, last week when I came to your apartment in Berlin? What would you have done?” he challenged.
Shit, what would I have done? Chased him away, telling him I’d started a new life?
She had to look away, because she simply was not sure how she would have reacted. Then she made her decision: In the end it wasn’t important; what mattered was this moment, and in this moment her need for revenge trumped everything. That put her back on Holder’s side.
The meds were starting to work, and she was getting groggy. She lay back against the pillow, closing her eyes tightly. Holder was still standing close to the bed. “I’m sorry, Kate. Really. I’m sorry all this has happened to you,” he said so quietly that Connolly could barely make out his words.
Despite the appeal of sleep, Kate forced her eyes to open a slit and looked Holder directly in the eyes. To her amazement, she felt as if she were connecting to a human being, not her handler, not the master spy, but a real human being. She couldn’t remember that ever happening before. “Answer me one thing, Simon Holder. Would you really have hurt Jonathan?”
Connolly shot a shocked look at his old friend.
Holder didn’t notice, for he kept his eyes locked on Kate’s. “Never. You have to believe me. I didn’t know any other way to get you back.”
Kate searched his face and eventually nodded almost imperceptibly, saying: “Well, I’m here now.” She moved her gaze up to the ceiling, and her face morphed into a rigid mask. “And I’m going to get that bastard Jackson.” With those words she started to drift off to sleep.
Holder stood watching her, putting his hands to his temples and pressing his fingers in circles. Then he squared his shoulders and turned on his heel, almost running into Connolly, who’d come up behind him. Connolly’s eyes bored into Holder’s, but he said nothing, instead putting out his hand in an invitation to leave. Before they could get out the door, it swung open, and Toni Martucci entered, shepherded by Morgan.
“Kate?” Toni called out as she hurried toward the bed, casting a sideways peek at the two men.
Kate was so happy to hear Toni’s voice that she tore her eyes open. Reaching out she said: “Oh, my God, Toni. You’re okay!”
“You’re hurt! What happened?”
“Don’t worry. I’m fine.”
At her friend’s skeptical look, she amended her statement: “I’ll be fine in a couple of days.” To the men waiting near the door, Kate said: “Leave us alone.” Holder hesitated, but Connolly pulled him out the door.
Kate went on urgently: “Look, Toni, I have a favor to ask. I need you to go to the apartment and get my stuff.”
“You want me to…?” Toni asked uncertainly.
Kate wearily held up her hand. “There are a couple of things….” She paused, unsure how to explain. “There are things I don’t want Holder to see.” She looked beseechingly at Toni, who began to nod slowly. Kate focused her eyes on the ceiling and described the picture and the baby shirt. Toni’s eyes widened when she mentioned the baby.
“I…I was going to tell you, Toni. But then….”
Toni touched Kate’s cheek. “It’s okay, sweetie. We have plenty of time to talk. Of course I’ll do it. I’ll make them take me there,” she half laughed.
Kate breathed in deeply, then let it out slowly. “I don’t know how to….”
“Then don’t. Rest now. I’ll take care of it.”
Kate smiled. She closed her eyes and slept.
By the time Toni got outside, the two men were sitting silently on hard chairs pushed against the wall, each contemplating his own devil; God only knew they had enough. A few minutes before, Connolly had agreed to watch over Kate while Holder searched for the mole. When Toni told them she wanted to get to the apartment, Holder refused, but Connolly pointed out that eventually someone had to retrieve Kate’s things. Why not Toni? While he, Connolly, kept guard over Kate, and Holder returned to HQ, Morgan could take the librarian to the apartment.
Holder tsked with is tongue, then straightened his shoulders and got up. “Fine.”
After his boss gave him his orders, Morgan walked Toni to the elevator, and they disappeared. As the two old friends stood in the empty hallway, Holder moaned: “Now I’ve got to find transportation back to HQ.”
“Bus?” Connolly asked innocently, a grin on his face.
Holder snorted and took off down the hall. Connolly watched him go, then put his hands on his lower back, rolled his shoulders a few times, and returned to Kate’s room.
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