his appendix burst it took another 24 hours to convince Dad to go to the hospital because that’s the man he was. Nothing broke him, nothing stopped him; he wouldn’t let it because that would mean stop fighting and Dad fought till the end.
But at night her father’s screams of agony saturated the house. It was frighteningly wrong. She didn’t hold him to the Earth at night, didn’t try to pin him down with her hope. At night she prayed to God to let it stop, to let him be free.
It’s indescribable, the kind of self-destructive loathing that comes from praying someone you love was dead. It corrodes your soul deep down past the layers of sense and boundary, past the things you can fix.
“Mir.”
Mira sat up in bed, seeing Lai’s silhouette in the doorway.
“Come on,” and Mira moved over in her childhood single bed, making room for Lai to squish up beside her.
Against the screams, Mira put her hands over Lai’s ears. She felt her little sister’s tears streaming over her arm as she whispered over and over again “It’s ok baby, I got you baby.”
And Mira held back the needles pricking her own eyes. Not tonight misery, she had a job to do.
So she kept singing along to Airplanes in her head.
Eventually Dad’s screaming stopped, and sometime after that Mira finally drifted into a restless sleep. She had flash dreams of running a trail, trying to keep up with someone, but it was impossible to see them clearly as a haze of dust was always in her eyes.
It had been a hell of a night, the worst yet.
Mira woke thinking it was incredible she’d beaten her alarm.
But she hadn’t, Mira had slept through it.
“Shit Lai, get up! I’m going to be late.”
“Stop it,” Lai grumbled as Mira shoved at her to move. Mira dashed into the shower while Lai was still complaining in her half-sleep.
Mira flew out to the kitchen, trying to push down her hair that was frizzing up a halo around her face.
“Ma, have you got a hair tie? I gotta get going to work,” She blustered past Mum making toast.
“You need to drop Lai off at school this morning,” Mum instructed.
“Jeez Mum I’m going to be late!” But Mira wasn’t exactly talking about work.
“I’ve got to take your father into the doctor this morning, he had a really bad time of it last night.”
Mira wanted to wail Fat lotta good that will do, but she bit her frustration back and just said “K, no worries Ma.”
Mira rapped all her urgency out on the bathroom door.
“Come on Lai, seriously, we’re both going to be late.”
After another five excruciatingly long minutes, Lai breezed out of the bathroom with her hair perfectly straightened and eyeliner nailed.
“Really? I’m going to work and I don’t even have makeup on for fuck’s sake,” Mira fumed.
“Not my fault you’ve got no self-respect. No wonder you’re old and alone,” Lai pushed her hand in Mira’s face before she could launch into a rhetoric about genuine self-respect.
But in the car Mira had Lai cornered.
“Let me tell you something…”
Lai groaned and looked out the passenger window.
“One day, if you’re lucky enough you’re going to be old.”
Lai stuck her tongue out in repulsion.
“Oh I know, you think you won’t but you will. In fact, if you’re really lucky, you’re going to spend more of your life old than young.
And if you’ve spent your whole youth measuring your worth by how pretty you are, how many boys are looking at you, and how many girls wanna be around you; you’ll never find you - ‘cause you’re too busy measuring your weight on someone else’s scales.
Put some of your firecracker energy to working out who you are now. ‘Cause if you don’t find that bright light inside you that no one can touch, you’re going to get snuffed out over and over again. The only person you’ve got to chase is you. The only person you’ve got to be your best for is you.
Time’s gonna take your reflection baby, make sure you’ve got something with more endurance that shines.”
Turning her head back to Mira, Lai squinted and said “We’re at school weirdo.”
“Oh yeah! Love you and hey…” Mira grabbed Lai’s arm as she was scooting out the passenger door “No scrapping. Keep your head in your studies.”
Lai slipped Mira’s grip and was out the door hollering back at her “I know! My education is my responsibility, and it’s a gift, and knowledge is power bleh bleh bleh,” She made mouthy movements with her hand at Mira.
“Nah!” Mira shot back, “I was gonna say protect that pretty little face. No one likes cauliflower ears.”
Conceding with a grin Lai boomed back “Love you too!” And she was bounding off.
Lai was so full of energy and anger. It wasn’t her fault. She was too little, dealing with too much, trying to be all grown up and handle it. But it wasn’t in her DNA yet, she was too young; and you can’t speed up maturity, well not the same way you can with rage.
Mira parked the car and looked at her phone.
20 minutes until she had to be at work. She could make it.
She was acting crazy but she had wings on her feet and Mira wanted to fly again.
Like a little field mouse Mira scurried down the foot path. Instead of turning right towards work, she swung a sharp left into the park. The motion pulled Mira’s bag off her shoulder and as she looked over to fix it she collided with someone.
“Sorry,” She looked up and her breath caught.
“You came.”
“Oh yeah,” Mira fumbled with her bag strap that kept tenaciously slipping off her shoulder, “I just wanted to let you know I was running late this morning so I couldn’t meet you.”
Rex took the bag strap out of Mira’s awkward grasp and popped it on her shoulder. It stopped falling off.
“So you came to the park to tell me you didn’t have time to come to the park?” Even though Rex’s face was serious, his eyes sparkled with amusement.
“Yeah,” Mira giggled, her cheeks burning.
“That’s messed up. You had breakfast?”
“No,” Mira swatted the air, “There’s a café on the way
