sofa with his nuts hanging out growling at everyone. So I’m all wrecked, and every time I look at AK he shows me fangs. And I’m thinking, Jesus, that dog’s gonna rip my friggin’ throat out. I couldn’t make friends with that dog for nothing, but you know what I say: Never trust a pit bull tripping ‘shrooms.
So here comes Ted again, talking about women. The dude is a freak, what can I say. I can tell he’s trying to get it back to Tammi, and sure enough, he says, “You and Tammi got any plans tonight, Dave?”
And Dave … it’s obvious he hasn’t even thought about it. Like they say: you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink, right? I mean, Dave, wake up and smell the kind buds, buddy. And while you’re at it, check on your woman, you know what I’m saying, dude? TCB buddy--take care of business.
So Ted can’t get Dave to stop thinking about blowing and start thinking about Tammi, which I guess has been the problem all along. Finally Ted gets tired of beating around the bush and he says, “Dave, there’s something I gotta tell ya. Can we go in the kitchen?” and I’ll be damned if the phone didn’t ring.
So Dave’s on the phone, and I look at Ted and say, What are you … crazy?
And Ted says, “Man, his chick is with another guy and he doesn’t even know she’s left. Somethin’ aint’ right about that.”
“Look,” I says. “If you tell him, he’ll hate your guts.”
I’m right, aren’t I? You don’t want to be the one to tell your bro his woman’s stepping out on him. It’s like he’ll blame you. Besides, I was tripping balls, dude, things were crazy enough, I can tell you that. Jeez, you shoulda been there.
Then Dave’s off the phone. The guy he was talking to is coming over with three hundred dollars to have a piece blown. So the guy shows up and we all commence to smoking again, Dave matching his Willies with this guy’s Kush. Yes, Hindu Kush, dude, you heard me. He had to have grown it himself. That’s what I figure. His nugs were the size of strawberries--covered with crytals! You can’t buy nugs like that! No I am not lying. One hit, you’re baked. Try it with ‘shrooms, dude! I was torched! My brain was melting!
Speaking of melting, I saw the coolest thing. Dave’s glass is coming alive under the torch. It’s in the flame, and it’s glowing like an aura or a rainbow, and the colors are shifting and changing, shimmering and twirling. What began as a shapeless blob is now plainly going to be a fat pipe with form, design and color. Around the rim of the molten bowl, glass melts and ripples like lava. And Dave’s putting those color-dot-things around the equator of the bowl. You know, those knobby things of color on glass pieces? He did a red one, then a green one, then blue and so on. And each time, he held the color-stick to the side of the bowl, working in the flame–always in the flame– varying its length, temperature and intensity. Then he pulls the color stick out with pliers, but the tip remains trapped in the sticky glass.
“Whoaa,” he starts yelling. “Who’s yo daddy? Who’s yo Daddy!”
I’m tellin’ ya, that guy is a trip.
Now check this out. Dave picks a gold coin up with tongs, straight up twenty-four karat gold, and sticks it in the torch with the pipe. Molten gold flecks drip around the base of the bowl, which he keeps spinning of course. And on top it’s all purple, crimson and ruby-colored. The bomb, dude, the bomb. Time kinda stands still when you’re watching that stuff, know what I mean?
That’s the part where he held the figure still momentarily and pushed the reamer into the glass. Dude, that becomes the bowl. Is that sweet or what? I have never seen anything like that in my life. And then you just poke your little carburetor hole on the side and presto! You got a pipe.
And all the while Dave’s rapping about the trip to Jamaica he and some homies took a few weeks ago, talking about this swimming pool where the chicks went topless, and you jump in it from a ledge and swim over to a big wall of water vines and you climb up them and that’s where the bar is! Would that be sweet or what?
So the guy with the Kush, he knew Tammi somehow, and he says to Dave: “Hey, who’s Tammi’s new boyfriend?” and Dave about came unglued.
“What the fuck are you talking about, crack ho?”
“Nothing … I just saw her having a drink with a guy at a bar last week. Chill, dude.”
“At the Club Fusion, down on 13th?” Dave shot back.
“Yeah, I guess that was it.”
“Her band had a gig there,” Dave said. “The guy you saw her with was probably in the band, that’s all.”
But that did it for Dave. Agitation showed in his frown and furrowed brow, and at the same time he seemed confused. He glanced around the room like seeing it fresh for the first time … like waking up from a dream, you know what I mean? He looked at us and the dog, and we’re all holding our breaths like Hey, What’s up brother? Peace in the hood, right?
And Dave scratches his head. “I’m gonna go show Tammi this piece,” he says, and we’re going “Yeah, good idea, bro, go show Tammi,” trying not to laugh. I mean, it wasn’t funny, but it was funny. Does that make any sense?
So he shuts the torch off and walks out, and Ted and I look at each other and go, “Oh Shit!” and start cracking up big-time--not at Dave--but because the incredible tension was suddenly gone.
And Ted says, “Can you believe it?” and I am shaking my head back-and-forth, rolling my eyes in disbelief, free of a great burden, the weight of the world off our shoulders, brother--the weight of the world.
So what’s up? Hey, I got some of those ‘shrooms. Wanna party?
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