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Prologue
My journey in this autobiography has often begged the question of why write it? Many people have asked me “how could you forgive your daughter’s killers?" Sometimes the emphasis is on could, implying that it may not be a good thing, almost an accusation. Maybe it’s because the killers were perceived as terrorists. While others were amazed to think forgiveness on such a scale is possible when they are unable to forgive the neighbour for allowing their dog to bark all night!
It has been exciting and challenging to go back into my history in an attempt to capture the struggle that leads me to act graciously in this. Motives are often elusive and when I try to catch them they escape – much like the Irish writer John O’Donahue says about the soul in his prose Anam Cara - Soul Friend, “The soul is shy, if it sees you coming after, it will do a runner and be gone in a crevice…”
So, I piece together what may have been the contributing factors in writing this book; I find no absolutes, just possible nudges in the direction my journey has taken. I include my family not because they are the most significant part of my life – that is natural, but because my greatest struggle has been with myself in these close relationships. Your experience dear reader is no doubt very different from mine, yet, you may resonate with, even applaud, some of what I have learnt and the conclusions I have come to on this my journey.
I am about eight years old when I have a dream; I am burning on a stake, my parents are there watching, and theylaugh softly; they seem to be anxious, talking to each other as I feel the flames lick around my ankles. The next morning after fitful sleep I recall the dream with shame and bewilderment. I don’t tell anybody about that dream until I am over sixty; it is as vivid as if yesterday, but now my parents are no more – I wonder why it remained hidden for so long?
My journey from a conservative dogma-based religious and professional understanding of life and its requirements, to a more open and eclectic view of the importance of spiritual connection with the Divine, the Universe and each other has been a gradual one. I think my transformation started with the challenging of conventional Physiotherapy by the inclusion of Acupuncture. As physiotherapists, we were impressed with the importance of ‘clinical outcomes-based practise’, which involves research to demonstrate that the modality used is, in fact, valid and not just having a placebo or worse, a nocebo (harmful) effect. I did quantitative research for a Master’s degree using Interferential Currents (IFT) for bone healing of the tibia. The literature indicated that in Russia where IFT had been used for bone healing there was anecdotal evidence of improved healing time. However, my research using randomisation of participants and the application of suction electrodes without any current on some clients, demonstrated no appreciable effect of healing. There were many variables to consider as well as unreported variables, so I remain unconvinced of the veracity of my research!
After Lyndi died, I started a qualitative doctorate on ‘forgiveness and reconciliation in South Africa’. During that time, I met the man who orchestrated the attack; the practical application of what I had learned about forgiveness and conciliation through the Literature Survey, as well as the establishment of the Lyndi Fourie Foundation, seemed of more value than a tome on a dusty shelf. I also no longer needed the academic backing, as I was planning to take early retirement in June 2003. In retrospect, I am not sure that it was the best decision to give up on all that hard-earned research, as the write up was all that needed doing. However, my passion for implementation of the learning, outweighed my need for a doctorate at the time.
Acupuncture, an ancient Chinese modality using dry needling on acupressure points for pain relief and healing came into use by physiotherapists in the 1980s. There was much debate at the time about the use of Chinese Medicine in the West as it was considered to be potentially evil by conservative mindsets, including my own. However, when I realised that the acupressure points often coincided with what we called ‘motor stimulation points’ for specific muscles, I started to wonder if this attitude was just an attempted argument in favour of the arrogant need to be right about Western Medicine!
In 2004 I attended a direction-changing course called Capacitar, which was facilitated by Patricia Mathes Cane, a Clinical Psychologist who had been a Catholic Nun in the USA. In 1988, Pat Cane was invited to Nicaragua during the time of the Contra war where the people suffered much trauma. For two weeks, Pat painted large banners alongside grassroots leaders who were intent on celebrating their culture and history for the first time. To survive personally Pat practised Tai Chi, energy balancing exercises using the chakras₁ and acupressure on herself. Her Nicaraguan friends became interested in her activities because they wanted more than artwork; they wanted to learn ways to care for themselves in the violence in their lives. They expressed their desire to learn more of the means that other cultures had used for themselves to heal and transform their lives. During this chaos, Pat learned the meaning and the spirit of the Spanish verb Capacitar: to empower; to encourage; to bring forth. Capacitar was to become the title of the organisation which she founded and continues to direct. Since its inception, Capacitar has spread all over the world, and its trainers are working in over 40 countries including Ireland and South Africa.
Participating in this course opened my mind to a means of connecting the mind, body and spirit with the healing process in a fundamentally new way; by accessible education using multicultural wisdom and practices as a benchmark of preventative health care. In the Health Science faculty at the University of Cape Town (UCT), just two years earlier, a group of us across the divisions of Medicine, Physio, Occupational therapy, Speech therapy, Nursing and Primary Health Care (PHC) lecturers had struggled with how to promote preventative medicine in the curriculum. The vexing problem was how to integrate it into a conventional medically curative model. Now I had a glimmer of hope, but the moment to influence the Health Science Curriculum had passed!
The mind-body-spirit connection was not new to me since I had been brought up with the health teachings of Ellen White2, a prophetess for the Adventist Church in the mid-1800s. She emphasised the importance of treating the whole person and not separating the mind, body and spirit, as Rene Descartes the French philosopher had propounded: Mind (as the important); body (lifeless inert matter, a well-oiled machine) and soul (an entity on its own) which was adopted and implemented philosophically in the West almost two hundred years earlier. Ellen also warned against the use of drugs because of their toxic inclusion of mercury at the time, as well as the addictive qualities of opium, alcohol and tobacco, which were in everyday use. That was over a hundred years before warning signs appeared on tobacco cartons and adverts for alcohol. Addictions have proved a real challenge to society and heavy metal poisoning is now a severe environmental challenge especially in the oceans, and therefore the fish that we eat.
Now my dilemma was how to bring the new understanding of the Eastern Healer as the gardener who prunes, waters and cares for the plants convincingly to the mechanic of Western Medicine who repairs what is wrong. This conundrum applied to both my professional life and spiritual home in the Adventist church, where there are general fear and anxiety of anything seen to be potentially ‘New Age’.
My interest in Quantum Physics aroused by a video called ‘The Secret’; exploring the ‘law of attraction’ which states that whatever you focus on, is what you invite into your life. The more positive you are, the higher will be the chances of positive experiences in your life, perhaps in another era this concept was called a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. Why add another conundrum to the complexity of balancing all the new learning with old beliefs in the form of quantum energy? Because I resonate with Lynne McTaggert3 who relates the historical context to these new scientific discoveries called Quantum Physics; we watched as the scientific foundation we all believed, and on which we based our place in the world, disintegrate in front of us.
How could I marry the concepts of Quantum Physics with my love and awe of the Gospel which gave me my understanding
