“Don’t you know?”
“No, I confess I don’t know who it was.”
“Well, did you even ask?” Sam’s eyes narrowed.
“I did, yes. I asked a couple of questions, but all they did was shake their head. They didn’t say anything.”
“And?”
David said, “And I wondered if it was a teen. I wondered if it was Danielle.”
“Dani?” Sam’s eyes widened, surprised about this possible turn of events and obviously not very happy about it.
“As I said, I don’t have proof, but…”
“What makes you think it was her? No offense doc, but how the fuck would you know?”
“Well I’m not certain. But I just feel like I have seen her before, and it was Josephine that once told me it sounded like I was describing Danielle.”
“I hope it’s not her, that’s for sure.” Sam furiously bent the neck until it cracked. “Fuck!” she angrily exclaimed.
David waited a moment, then simply said “Sam?”
“Dani is a fucking hot mess, she has no place out here, especially now. With all the shit going on at the moment, we don’t need ones like her out here.” Sam crossed her arms in front of her in a defensive yet defiant gesture.
“Perhaps her coming out front is because of all that is going on at the moment? She is being triggered out?”
“I dunno, but it is so fucked up, y’know? Why the hell is this all happening now? Jo trying to knock herself off, then splitting off, now this! What the fuck is happening?”
“I don’t know.” David answered. “Trudi mentioned something about possibly lots of memories being relived, and it bleeding through to everyone else. What do you think?”
“How the fuck should I know?”
“Well, does it sound like it could be a possibility?” David knew Sam had more knowledge about the functioning of the Collective than she liked to let on.
“I guess it could be, but who the fuck knows?”
Realising he was not going to get a straight answer from her, he simply said “Well, I am sure it will all make sense in time.”
“Yeh, you say that, but it doesn’t help now, does it?”
“I suppose not.”
After Sam left, David thought about what had just transpired. He didn’t understand why things were in such a state of flux at the moment either, although it did make some sense what Trudi was saying. But whatever the reason, it did bother him, as when things changed like this, it resulted in more upheaval for the Collective as a whole.
He wondered if he was right, and he met Danielle today. And was she out here because something triggered her out? He hoped that the next time he saw the Collective, they would have an answer for him. No doubt Sam was storming inside right now, demanding to be told what was happening.
** ** **
The doctor had that right. Sam was within, yelling at Trudi. “What the fuck is going on? Was that Dani that the doc saw? Why did she suddenly put in an appearance out there?”
“Calm down, Sam.” Trudi said in her detached way. “I did not know Danielle was seeing the doctor. However she has every right to see him, just as much as anyone else.”
“Waste of fucking time, by the sound of it. She wouldn’t even talk to him.”
“It is not up to you to decide what is considered a waste of time.”
“But why now? What the fuck is going on?”
“With all that has happened with Jo and now her fracturing again, is it any wonder the whole Collective is in a state of unrest? It is no surprise that some quieter members needed the opportunity to at least venture out front within the confines of a safe environment.”
Sam was quiet for once. Trudi did make sense, but Sam was still seething inside. She saw that her yelling had summoned Demise to the room and she was standing, ready to intervene if necessary. “Fuck off, Demise,” Sam said, the only member who would have the courage to say that to her. Demise looked at her, then looked at Trudi, who gave an almost imperceptible nod. Demise shrugged and left once more, without saying a word.
Danielle
Dani was surprised to find herself with the doctor. She had been before, but only stayed for a few moments – often not even long enough for him to know she was there. She never spoke to him, she was too scared of men. Jodie and Josephine said he was all right, and Di even said he was not like any other man they had known and he would never try anything. But she still remembered what happened, still remembered what men did.
She shook her head, trying to stop the memories.
This is our secret, isn’t it?
She was trying to pay attention to what was happening, listening to the doctor, watching him to make sure he didn’t try and grab her. But she couldn’t focus, her head was swimming with memories, the-man-with-the-red-shirt, laughing, undoing his belt.
Stop, stop, stop, she told herself. She felt like she was drowning in the memories, unable to breathe.
She heard the doctor’s gentle voice, saying her name. She looked up alarmed, how did he know? How did he know her name?
Not safe, not safe, she thought, before she mercifully slipped back within.
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