for this catastrophic behavior. She could still hear her grandmother’s voice saying, “You need to keep your mouth shut, because you talk too much,” and Marilyn wished she had listened to her.
Marilyn couldn't remember any sudden details regarding this memory. What day was it? What time was it? Is it hot or cold outside? Why, or why, had she decided to tell Handy that her mother had HIV? In the memory in her mind, they were all listening to some kind of music that Handy liked. Lula felt like driving them someplace, but Handy didn't want to go. Marilyn was sick of listening to Handy whining that she wanted to be dropped off at a friend’s instead, and her whining became progressively louder. As Marilyn watched the situation unfold, Lula continued to ignore what her daughter was saying. Marilyn turned her head around to face Handy as she sat in the back seat and looked at Handy with frustration and authority. “If you speak to your mama that way again,” Marilyn warned her, “I will cross over this seat and knock your head clean off the rest of your body.”“MAE,” Lula spoke up in defense, using Marilyn’s nickname, letting her know she went too far.
Gripping the steering wheel, Lula was shaking in anger as she looked straight ahead. Lula scolded Marilyn, “You're way too hard on her; she's just eight years old!” Marilyn saw Handy turn her face to look out the window looking angry. Marilyn wailed, “She doesn't realize how sick you are! Especially, since we don't know anything about HIV!” Marilyn placed her hand over her mouth in shock after revealing Lula’s secret. Marilyn explained to Lula that she didn't mean to blurt that out. She watched Lula panic and swiftly pull the car over, where Lula put the car in park and jumped out.
Marilyn’s tears began to flow as she watched her sister struggle over a sad situation that couldn't be fixed. Marilyn didn't know how long they sat in silence, and it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Marilyn's face was focused on just watching Lula agonize over what to say or do next, as she sat on the curb holding her legs in.
Suddenly Marilyn sprung up in a hurry and jumped in the car, while Lula sat behind the wheel, looking back at Handy who sat frozen in time. Marilyn couldn't remember how they got home that day, for time was frozen and wouldn’t be discussed ever again. Both Marilyn and Lula were so involved into their thoughts, in fact, that they passed the house three times until Marilyn finally got the nerve to speak up.
“Lula, are we going home now?”“Oh yes, we’re going back to the house,” Lula replied. Slowly getting out on the driver side, Lula said, “Marilyn, Handy and I will be in the house in a minute.” Closing the door, Marilyn watched both of them sit in silence as she left Lula and Handy in the car.
Looking back, Marilyn saw Handy leap out from the back seat while Lula called out to her, but Handy kept running until she was out of sight. Even though they both walked inside the house together, their silence let their Mama know something had happened. “What happened?” their Mama asked. Marilyn whispered, “I told Handy about Lula's sickness.” Mama replied, “Oh no! Why, Marilyn? She wanted to tell her when it was time.”“Mama, I know; I’m sorry.” Marilyn burst into tears, went into her room and closed her door.
When secrets come out of the closet it always hurts the one who said it the most.
Marilyn felt as if she was a stranger in her own home. No one was talking, and Handy’s attitude only got worse, kicking holes in the bedroom wall, while everyone stayed quiet.
Summer passed away quickly without anyone taking notice. Sometimes we believe that a different season would make a difference, and in this case, it did. It was the beginning of a school year and Handy was entering the fourth grade. The house was slowly returning back to normal and Lula patiently waited to see how Handy would handle the school year. Lula did notice that she had to buy Handy larger sized jeans and underwear. She was growing taller and taller than most fourth graders, including the teacher.
Marilyn felt that her relationship with her sister had been breached; knowing this, she finally found the courage to apologize to Lula. Grabbing Lula by both of her hand to express her regret, Marilyn said, “Because I made this mess, I will be there for Handy no matter what happens to you.” Lula accepted this heartfelt apology and they hugged.
However, Handy’s reaction to her mother's sickness played itself out in another manner; Handy took her feelings out on the world, lashing out especially at those who care the most.
Handy's teacher, Mrs. Dean, looked relieved as Marilyn stepped into the fourth-grade classroom a month later. The class was in chaos, and as Marilyn listened, she heard their loud voices over Ms. Dean’s lesson. Marilyn saw Handy running over to her desk and immediately bolt down in her desk and laid her head on the desk as she stepped into the classroom. The classroom became quiet as Marilyn walked over to her and whispered into her ear.
“Come with me,” she ordered Handy. Marilyn straightened up her body from a bending position and watch Handy immediately spring up and the desk slammed hard to the floor as she lifted herself out of her chair. Turning and walking toward the door with her back to Handy, Marilyn said, “Let me hear any noise out of you, and I will bust you out,” and Handy knew exactly what that meant. Marilyn had to look straight up at this 5’8” brown-skinned girl, yet Handy knew that her height nor her weight made any difference to her Aunt Marilyn. To her classmates and teachers, Handy was becoming a bully in the making. Entering the girl's restroom, Marilyn took out her long leather belt and Handy's eyes got big.
After checking every stall to ensure they were empty, Marilyn grabbed Handy by her arms and threw back her belt to make sure it landed at her ankles as she talked to her.
“Every time I come here; this is what is going to happening to you” Marilyn told her. Handy started to scream loud, but Marilyn quickly warned her to shut her mouth and she lowered her voice.
“Do you understand me, young woman?” Marilyn yelled. “Don’t you worry about telling your Mama, I told her what I was going to do before I left home.”
Lula waited in the car in silence. When Marilyn got back in the car, Lula asked, “Did you tear her tail up?”
“Yes, I did,” Marilyn responded. “She needs to be taught that she can't have her way.
“Did the teacher say anything to you?” Lula asked.
“No she was acting up when I got there. Ms. Dean was so glad that I caught her acting up and didn't say a word. Let’s go home!”
The Milwaukee Public School social worker finally did an Individual Alterative test on Handy, eventually diagnosing her with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin notes that ADHD that starts during childhood, A detailed history of the child's behavior from parents and teacher’s observation of the child's behavior and psycho-educational testing contribute to making the diagnosis of ADHD. Medication has been used to treat children since the 1930's and has been widely used.”
Once the ADHD diagnosis settled in, Lula and Marilyn listened to excuses on top of excuses from school administrators as to why there weren’t enough special education teachers available. Handy continued to disrupt her fourth-grade class because her teacher couldn't control her behavior, and her school continued to expel her because they couldn't find an adequate place to send her after repeated misbehavior.
Marilyn sometimes had to wait and see how Lula was feeling before they would march Handy from one school to another. They came full circle, winding up back at the Special Education Department, looking for any school that would take Handy and manage her behavior, along with her belt. Finally, Handy was placed at Sarah Scott on Highland, which met her needs but was quickly becoming overcrowded. Handy knew how to play the system, being large and well developed for a girl her age. She would ridicule the white staff mercilessly when they
