much as you’ll let meI will speak of you
And trust me, it isn’t much
I forget how far I have risen when I think of you
I spent two years “in love”with a boy at my middle school I didn’t know he was you until everything was too far gone to rescue And even still, I have not enough CPR training I couldn’t help you breathe again when you said I took your breath away That’s okay I’m sure you found a way to save yourself When we have stiff momentary conversations now You look to be in the closest stage to recovery Congratulations I took the journey myself It was a long one 2. A pristine pair of glasses is one object that both of us could have used It’s okay I know you wanted to fix me It would never have worked Not your fault I figured out how to fix myself 3. The first poem I wrote for you said that I had fallen for a boy in my church choir It was always so much more than falling For when you fall you have to hit the ground sometime Maybe sport some bruises or broken bones I never did I loved someone at a little further than arms-length away Close enough to admire and whisper to Yet so far away I could doubt that he existed And I could pretend I didn’t hear the whispers back I KNOW YOU LOVED THE GIRL WHO DIDN’T WANT TO WRITE ALL THE TIME I KNOW I DIDN’T I KNOW I WAS AFRAID TO SIT NEXT TO YOU WITHOUT BUILDING MYSELF A WALL OF WORDS I AM NOT ANYMORE THANK YOU 4. Stop checking for trolls under bridges You won’t find any Your monsters are not ones I can ward off No matter how much I want you That’s why I put off introducing you to mine You wouldn’t be able to handle that much responsibility It’s okay I don’t blame you for any of it I blame you for other things Like how many times my friends still ask me if we’re dating Because you were never one for labels And I have my very own labelmaker But listen We were the definition of gray area Its okay My lips were pink and buzzing I’d never felt anything like us before It isn’t my type I know that now At least I don’t have to wonder It’s okay Don’t apologize It is a currency for a country I do not belong in 5. I will never blame you for not coming back Your heart is one of soft music and strong beats And I know it beats faster when it is against mine Because I’ve felt it But I also know that no part of you wants to admit that I wouldn’t want to either I also don’t want to admit that when I watched you dance I couldn’t figure out how to clap in time with the music Because when you look at me like I’m still everything I don’t want to tell you that I feel the same I don’t want you to feel like the backup choice You were never the reckless decision I made at three am You were the conscious decision I made at 6:18 when I snoozed my alarm for the third time I’ll do anything I’ll be anything There’s so much of me that still looks at you and sees the boy who was always way out of my league I think I am not your definition of beauty That’s alright As much as you’ll let me
are we ever really ready?
i’m obsessed with a girl who i see every day for mere moments
she’s beautiful
we share such strange parts of ourselves with eachother
i want more but i also don’t
not because i don’t want to scare her away
although i am also afraid of that
but i also don’t want to scare myself away
because it’s easier to write about it than to have people look at you and think you are only the darkness
i am not
at least i know that much
i’m obsessed with a boy that asks me more questions than i have asked my entire life
i’ve never been a curious one
i figured people would tell me things when they’re ready
and he does, but not directly
i don’t know how to say i care without giving him the obligation of caring just as much
because it’s nothing romantic
it’s merely a fascination with his mind and his questions
i am often fascinated by things i can never achieve
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