of Taer’s marriage quarters where a herb garden of spices bordered a wrought-iron gate.
“This is arvina,” he said, plucking a thorny plant with many small purple flowers. “They say it makes lovemaking fierce.”
I glanced back at my rooms. “I see.”
“When this Restraint is over,” he said, “and we have built our own marriage quarters and our own houses and households, we will blanket our bed with it.” Without asking, he lifted my veil and pushed aside my scarf. “Haven’t we promised we will unveil our hearts to each other?” He kissed my cheek and warmth throbbed through my body. Then he smiled so intimately that even now I’m embarrassed to speak of it.
“Since you asked,” I said, “I did not like your coldness to me today.”
“Such coldness was necessary,” he said. “If I had not been cold you would have seen my anger. My clansmen expect to see wisdom and propriety in our actions. They know we’re young and want to couch with each other. They know we will have disagreements. If we display all our emotions and cannot show our restraint, they will think us unwise and deem us people who are easily overthrown by their emotions.”
“Jobara?” I asked. “Indeed?”
“Jobara.”
“Truly, my husband, living a life of such importance can be both tedious and grievous. I often thought myself unlucky that my parents lost all their wealth, but now—”
“This life is now yours, whether you wish it or not,” he answered. “Perhaps it was always yours—from the beginning of time. Perhaps it left you for a while, only to return again. I’ve found that some people cannot lose their destiny no matter how they fight against it.”
“Do the Doreni always speak of destiny and responsibilities?”
He pointed to the east near the longhouse, then to the west near the servants’ quarters, the stables and the farm, to the north where the men’s quarters and the guest houses were, and at last to the south at the women’s quarters and the clan houses. “The Doreni have their moments of light-heartedness, but the son of a chieftain must be serious. And the son of a Pagatsu chieftain who happens to be the king’s First Captain ... well...”
In the distance one of our family goats was butting her head against a barrel. “Look at that stubborn Myuhli,” I said. “She’s a bossy one. She’s not hungry at all. She just likes causing trouble.”
I opened the gate and ran toward her. When the stubborn creature saw me coming, she sped away another hundred paces. She could not outrun me. I was fleet and fast then, not old and fat as I am now. My two long legs caught up with her four short ones, and I trapped her near one of the squatting places. When I reached her, I tapped her on the nose, then turned to look backward at Loic. He had not moved. I called back to him. “Come, no one will see us. We’ve broken no taboo if no one sees us.” He jumped over the gate. When he reached me, his eyes studied me as if entranced.
“We should not linger too near the Large Path,” he said at last. “Remember the taboo.”
I burst out laughing. “How can you hate the spirits and say they have no power over us, and yet also speak of taboos? Surely, a freethinker such as you should examine all your customs.”
“I have considered many of our customs, my wife. But this is not only a matter of spirits and their demands. These taboos are man-made, sound and proven. They protect us from grief, gossip, and suspicion.”
“Do they? Jobara?”
“Consider if we should meet my Father and our guests as we walk on this path. My clansmen would say that because my illness weakened my manhood I went looking for Father’s help to bed you. They may consider me a weakling who seeks his father’s help in all things. Also, if they see you talking to your father, they’ll say your father bedded you before we married and you went searching for him because I didn’t satisfy you. Or they will say your father himself had no desire to give you up.”
“You’ve thought all this out, I see.”
“Not me, but the ancients. They know how vile and unkind human reasoning can be. The Golden House is large and wide. A hundred towns could be contained within it. Over the next year, we will choose servants from the household for our own household. Then, when the year—” he paused as if pondering the word “—a year seems long, does it not, my wife?”
“It is the custom, my husband. As you say, the ancients know what is best.”
“Kwelku.” He sounded unconvinced. “In a year, a very long year, when our household is built—”
“My husband, I have thought much about a certain matter. As you probably know, Theseni husbands and wives do not live in separate houses, and at night we sleep in the same bed. I do not wish to live in one house and you in another.”
He was silent for a moment. “Theseni customs have fascinated me since my youth. If my wife wishes to live in the Theseni manner, I will do so.” He paused and turned his face away for a moment. “I am not sure, however, if you will want to always sleep in the same bed with me.”
“Why would I not, my husband?”
He didn’t answer, only turned his face away. After a typically long Doreni silence, he said, “Think of it, my heart, when we see our fathers at the end of the year, our lands, houses, servants, allies and property will be established. We will be equals with my father, then, and no longer under his will—” “To be allied against one’s father? How warlike that sounds!”
“Such customs preserve order and create stability.”
He led me to a cleft in a small hillside within the prescribed boundaries and far from the Large Path. “Here,” he said, “behind these tall dry lingay grasses, and these colrona shrubs—” he pointed to the leaves “—these can hide us.”
The shrubs, their immature gourds and wide shady leaves already green and mottled under the fast-approaching heat moons, became our nightly private meeting place after the household had gone to bed. There we would share our hearts, but not all our hearts. If Mam or Mamya Jontay suspected our trysts, they never mentioned it. Such trespasses were expected as long as we did not couch together.
On the fourth night of our betrothal, Loic came running to my room. “Little Mother likes you,” he whispered as if this were some great news. “She even likes New Mother Monua.”
“Little Mother has always liked me,” I answered.
He raised his eyebrow, indicating that perhaps she had not. “When I first saw you, I told Little Mother all my heart. She was angry and shouted at me: “Loicuyo, your whim has destroyed your future.” Queen Butterfly, you see, had wanted me to marry her daughter Thira. A pretty girl, yes, but she honors the spirits too much. She’s also too ladylike and proper, too obedient to her mother. Waihai, there were too many things wrong with that girl. Jobara! I could not live with one like that, and frankly, who wants Butterfly for a New Mother? Even so, marrying the girl would have ensured my future. If I were joined to Jaguar’s family, my clansmen would forget my—” He broke off as if he had caught a thought before it escaped his lips. “But now Little Mother thinks you’re a good choice, that you’ll mother me as she has done.”
“Is that what you want?” I watched his face closely.
