now, on the very eve of her marriage, Laura was unable to shake the gloomy feeling that she was making a mistake. She had tried to view her emotions honestly, still she did not know whether her feeling for Neil was love or mere schoolgirl infatuation with the most popular boy in Terre Haute.
The knock at the door interrupted her train of thought. Neil was already there and she had not even begun to dress. She wrapped the towel more carefully about herself and hurried to answer the door.
It would be difficult for any girl not to have a crush on him, she thought, as she opened the door and saw Neil Abbot standing there. Dark and ruggedly handsome, Neil stood six feet, two inches tall and although he was slimmer now than he had been in his football playing days, he looked nonetheless every inch a man, big and powerful. Grinning at her as he was now, she was almost able to resolve all of the doubts that she had in her mind—almost, but not quite.
“When you said you had to dress, you weren’t kidding were you?” he quipped. He came inside, closing the door after himself, and reached for her.
Laura came into his arms easily, gladly. It was only when she was close to him like this that she felt sure of herself and of their marriage. At other times they seemed to be making believe. She had wondered more than once if he were not having exactly the same doubts that she was suffering. But there was no hesitation in his kiss. His mouth sought hers with undeniable ardor. Her lips opened to him and her tongue darted playfully. She could smell the clean, male scent of him, feel the powerful muscles of his arms pinning her close to him.
“Oh, Neil!” she whispered, burying her face in the curve of one brawny shoulder. He kissed her again, tilting her face upward, crushing her to him. Her breasts were pressed tightly against his chest. His hand, of its own accord, slid eagerly downward to the flaring buttocks beneath the towel that provided a scant covering for her body.
Laura felt herself begin to throb with excitement. She remembered again their last date in Terre Haute, a date that had ended in an orgy of passion which initiated her into the wonders and joy of love. Neil had been the first for her and the fire he had kindled still burned brightly within her.
The memory of that ecstatic night often tortured her until she thought she could not endure another moment without the sort of bliss that Neil had given her. Yet, strangely, since she had arrived in Los Angeles, there had been no such incident, nothing more than fervent kisses that awakened her and left her utterly frustrated. She told herself he was being honorable toward her, playing the role of the gentleman. But now she wanted him to know that the desire was as much hers as his. After all, they would be married before another twenty four hours passed. It couldn’t matter much what they did now. And perhaps his uninhibited love would resolve her doubts.
With one hand she tugged at the corner of the towel where she had tied it about her body. It came loose, and the towel fell away from her. She was naked and trembling in his arms, ready for his love.
“Laura!” he gasped excitedly, his hands grasping at the naked flesh revealed to him.
She stepped backward leading him along and found the bed, lowering herself to its smooth, clean surface. He came down upon it with her, his eyes wide with passion as they swept over her loveliness. His huge hands went for her breasts, fondling them eagerly. She felt his lips upon one rigid, trembling nipple. His hands sought her hot, fragrant thighs. Boldly, eagerly, Laura reached for him, wanting to savor his body as he was savoring hers, eager to possess him.
He cringed at her touch, and sat up suddenly, pulling away from her in one quick, violent movement.
“Neil, what’s wrong?” she asked, startled by the sudden change of mood. Why on earth should he have pulled away from her as he did? Now he was actually standing, turning his back on her nakedness.
“I can’t marry you,” he told her, his voice little more than a whisper.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” she wanted to know. She stood also, reaching for him. Again he moved away from her.
“I just can’t that’s all!” He was suddenly angry. She couldn’t understand the reason for it. A moment ago he had been about to make ardent love to her, and now he was furious about something that she could not comprehend.
Laura took a deep breath trying to calm herself. Her body tingled with unfulfilled desire, but she knew that would have to wait until she had helped him with whatever was bothering him.
“Is there someone else?” she asked, her voice deliberately even and unemotional.
He turned back toward her, and she saw tears in his eyes. He was not angry after all, but hurt about something.
“Neil, what is it? You must tell me, please!”
She went to him again, throwing her arms protectively about him. This time he did not move away, nor did he return her embrace.
“I haven’t told you everything,” he said finally. She said nothing, but waited anxiously for him to continue.
“About the accident,” he went on, speaking slowly. “The car and I were both pretty torn up, you know.”
“Yes, but you’re all right now,” she argued with him. “You said there would be some scars on your back, but that doesn’t matter to me. And you’re fine other than that....”
“I wish I were,” he snapped abruptly. He looked away again, and held her gently from him. “Laura, I was wounded...a piece of glass cut me....” He stopped, all but choking on the words.
Suddenly she knew what he was trying to explain to her.
“Neil, you’re not trying to tell me....” She could not bring herself to say it either.
“...That I’ll never be a husband to you.” He said it coldly, as though he wanted to hurt her as he had been hurt.
Laura’s arms dropped limply to her sides. She moved slowly away, across to the window, and stared down again at the street scene below.
“Never?” she managed to ask after a few minutes.
Behind her, Neil sighed wearily. “I don’t know. Maybe in time something can be done. But for now it’s hopeless. I’ve tried. Before you got here, I tried with several girls. I even tried again last night, after I brought you back here. I hoped there’d be a change. There wasn’t!”
Laura stood for another moment in silence. A short while ago she had wondered whether she should marry this man. Now she knew she would have to do so, and she knew also that it would mean unhappiness for her.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said aloud, forcing a smile to her lips. “We can be married anyway, just as we’ve planned. Everything will work out all right, you’ll see.”
“I can’t let you marry me out of pity.” He sat down on the edge of the bed as he said it.
He was right, she knew. She was marrying him out of pity. But what else could she do? Certainly it would have been unspeakably cruel of her to turn him down, and surely he had already suffered enough. Later, when he became more accustomed to the fact, adjusted to it, perhaps they could do something—have the marriage annulled, perhaps. Or maybe his condition would improve. But she could not bring herself to add to his unhappiness—even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness.
“It
