of not feeling well.
Ethan had been immediately put off by Wallace’s attitude of self-importance and his disinterest in the problem at hand. Wallace made the firm assertion that the high fetal death rate was just a seasonal thing and of no real importance. He arrogantly insisted that the CDC would find that their statistics were off. They were simply exaggerating the situation, and as soon as they got their noses out of his business everything would return to normal. Ethan explained that he had been called in by the state epidemiologist. If he left, someone else would just take his place.
Wallace left their meeting in a huff.
There was another entry later that day: Ethan had traveled twenty miles to the Women’s Free Clinic in Morgantown. Four young women from Rowan Springs had been there for consultations. Three of them had planned to have abortions but they had miscarried before they could return for the procedure.
I stopped reading for a moment and sat back in my father’s big leather swivel chair. I don’t know why, but I was somewhat surprised to learn that an abortion clinic, even under the guise of a free clinic for women, existed so close to Rowan Springs. This area was deep in the so-called “Bible Belt.” I had assumed that abortion was a dirty word around here.
I had never really examined my feelings on the subject because I had never had a reason to do so. I took a moment to ruminate a bit before deciding that nobody should have the right to make that decision for me. I also discovered, somewhat to my surprise, that I would never be able to terminate a pregnancy of my own.
Neither Cassie nor Mother knew that I had lost a baby shortly after my husband Raphael had disappeared somewhere in the jungle between Columbia and San Romero. Rafe himself had not even known of our coming happy event—I had been saving it as a surprise for our fourth anniversary party. The party was canceled when the host vanished due to unknown circumstances. I lost the baby a week later. Seventeen years had passed, but I still felt the aching emptiness.
Mother came in with my requested luncheon tray a little after twelve. I told her about the three clinic patients as I moved over to the sofa to sit beside her. Between mouthfuls of shrimp salad and croissant, I asked her for her opinion on abortion.
“I’m sorry to say that after sixty-two years, I still haven’t formulated a firm idea. In my day it was terribly illegal, you know, and carried a dreadful stigma. It’s nice to see that young girls no longer have to risk their lives out of shame. But the awful truth is that there is no more shame. People feel free to do the worst things nowadays. Still, I think it’s important that a woman have the right to choose.”
She carried the luncheon tray back to the kitchen, shaking her head and mumbling to herself. I reached down and absentmindedly began to pat Aggie. She growled a warning, and I stopped immediately. Scary dog. She had me really well trained.
I went back to my perusal of Ethan’s journal. He recorded that he had gotten Wallace to agree to let him have a list of his pregnant patients. He had also obtained the doctor’s grudging permission to interview them—if they agreed. Ethan noted that he was afraid that Wallace would bias the women against talking to him. He felt compelled to hurry and get in contact with them as soon as possible.
Wallace introduced Ethan to his medical office manager, Poppy Hunnicutt. She gave him a list of the names and addresses of the six women.
I scanned through the rest of the journal entries very quickly and saw nothing that looked like a interview. Those must be on another disc.
Ethan had made no mention of Cassie or their relationship in his journal. He did mention “socializing with the locals” on several occasions “in order to get the pulse of the community.” I was a bit put off by that remark and scanned impatiently to the last few entries. I stopped quickly and backed up a page when I saw Brittany Allison Hayes’s name flash by. She was listed with three other girls, the young women who had gone to the clinic in Morgantown. The other girls had aborted spontaneously, but Brittany was still pregnant. Farmer Hayes had not been protecting an innocent virginal daughter.
I heard a car pull up in the long, circular, gravel drive and looked up to see Watson’s bilious green nose. I hurried over to let Cassie in the library door and stumbled over Aggie doing her little welcoming pirouette. We all very nearly went down in a heap. Cassie collapsed on the sofa laughing while the puppy joyfully licked her face.
“Wow, you’re in a good mood. Something must have happened. Is Ethan out of jail?”
“No, but he’s out of his funk and that’s almost as good as far as I’m concerned. He had me really scared when he just sat in the corner and wouldn’t talk. It was eerie. Almost like he was catatonic or something.”
“So you had a nice visit, dear.”
Mother had seen Cassie drive up and came to join in the welcome.
“As nice a visit as you can have with your boyfriend when he is in jail accused of murder, Gran.”
“No need to be sarcastic, dear.”
“I’m sorry. Yes, we had a nice visit.”
She turned to me, “Ethan wants to see you, Mom.”
“Me? He won’t talk to a lawyer but he wants to talk to me?”
“That’s right. And soon. Can you go down there now? Chief Joiner said it would be okay.”
“Are you going back with me?”
She looked a little disappointed, “No, he wants to see you alone.”
So, alone I went. After Andy Joiner helped me park Watson in one of the narrow little spaces behind the building that served as the Rowan Springs City Hall, Fire Department, and the Lakeland County Jail, he led me thorough a back door and down a long, narrow hallway to Ethan’s cell. A deputy parked himself in a chair just out of sight and sat nervously waiting for me to scream for help.
Ethan stood up when I entered and helped Andy close the door behind me, then he politely offered me a seat on the opposite bunk to his. Both beds were clean and neat, with snowy white sheets and dark blue wool blankets.
The cell walls and floor had been recently painted, and no graffiti or foul odors could be seen or sniffed. I was impressed. I would have to register to vote, so I could back Andy in the next election.
Ethan looked a little tired and wan, but he was clean-shaven and neatly dressed in jeans and a starched blue chambray shirt with “Lakeland County Jail” stenciled over the breast pocket.
Even though he had requested my presence, I knew he must be humiliated for me to see him under these circumstances. And to make matters worse, like an idiot, I started laughing. For a horrible moment I thought he was going to cry. I hurried to explain while mentally kicking myself for being so insensitive.
“I used to have a shirt just like that, only I made it myself, I mean the jail part. I used an indelible magic marker and wrote ‘Oregon State Penitentiary’ on the front.” I directed him with a twirl of my index finger. “Turn around.”
“Yep! It was just like yours, with big numbers across the back. I wore it to embarrass Mother when she insisted that I go with her to her shindigs.”
He sat back down on his bunk and smiled.
“And was she? Embarrassed, I mean? Somehow I doubt it.”
Ethan
