in its shadows. I see a young woman moving quickly through the darkness, across the bridge (the bridge, where is the bridge, is it gone too?) and into his arms.
I see another scene, too, less romantic. I see two women struggling together by the lake. I see them fall into the water....
The wind rustles the branches of the willows, and it is the sound of gentle sobbing in the night.
Someone screams.
I open my eyes and sit up, my heart pounding, but it was only the cry of some bird, a hawk, I think, or a sea-bird. I am alone by a stagnant weed-choked lake. For a moment, I see bubbles rising to the surface of the water, but it is only a trick of my imagination, only the surface scum, moving in a slight breeze. Green Willows has frightened me, as she always frightened me.
But Green Willows is gone, I tell myself as I stand and brush my skirt. All the ghosts are gone, all the hates and loves and fears and passions. They exist no more.
Except in my heart.
CHAPTER TWO
I came that first time with trepidation. I was nineteen and this was my first job. I had to succeed. I had nowhere else to go. I could not return to Mrs. White’s school for girls. Although she had let me stay on for a while after commencement, until I found a position, I knew it had been an act of kindness that she could ill afford.
I had no home. There was an aunt who lived in Brighton. It was she who had paid my tuition and had placed me in the school when my parents died, but I had not seen her in two years and she had made her position clear enough on her last visit.
“You needn’t think you’ll be coming to live with me when you finish here,” she had said sternly. “I’ve done my duty by you, seen that you got your education and your room and board, and it’s been all I can do to afford it, too. When you get out of here, you must look out for yourself and relieve me of the burden.”
“Yes, Aunt,” I said dutifully, feeling hollow inside. At that moment I had no idea how a woman fared for herself in nineteenth-century England.
Later, Mrs. White reassured me. “There are ways,” she said. “You’ve had a good training here, if I may say so myself, and you’re not lacking in deportment. There’s always someone looking for a competent governess, I think.”
When the time came, Mrs. White was right. Someone was looking for a governess, someone from a lovely-sounding place called Green Willows.
I said goodbye to the girls at the school and Mrs. White gave me a tearful kiss.
“God bless you, child,” she said.
“I shall write,” I promised, and then I was gone, to what fate I could not imagine. I was filled with all sorts of fears, mingled with a certain sense of excitement and, of course, a bit of curiosity. I wondered what Green Willows would be like, and about the child, a girl of ten, who was to be my student.
I wondered, too, about Mr. Tremayne, my employer. Our correspondence had been brief and to the point. He had offered me no commentary on the nature of the country to which I was going, what I might expect in the way of social life, or weather. Nothing except that he had a child who needed tutoring, such and such was the salary he was willing to pay and, of course, food and lodging would be provided.
Well, I told myself, settling back into the coach, you aren’t going for the social life or the weather, and the pay is much better than you had ever expected it to be.
We reached Truro after dusk. The evening had turned cold and wet, and a chilly draft blew through the coach as we went. I shared the coach with two other travelers, an old gentleman who complained constantly of the dampness and the driver’s speed, and a plump, jolly farm woman who’d had occasion to visit her sister for some days and was now returning home.
They both got out at a crossroads just before Truro and I shrank back into my corner of the coach, frightened anew now that my destination was near.
The window was splashed with mud and rain so that my vision was greatly obscured. What I did glimpse were patches of an alien countryside, a different landscape from the one I had known at Mrs. White’s. I realized that I had been sheltered at the school. Now I would be on my own, out in the world. I had never before considered what an awesome thing that was.
At Truro, the driver stuck his head in at the window and spoke to me. “It’s a bad night out, Miss,” he said. “If you’d rather, you could put up at the inn here and go on to Helford in the morning.”
“Thank you, but I am expected tonight, so I believe I should go on,” I said. “And I am not going to Helford. Would you put me down, please, at Green Willows?”
He gave me a curious look and said, “Green Willows? What would you be going there for? That’s no place for a sweet young thing like you, Miss, if you don’t mind my saying so. You sure you haven’t made some mistake?”
“I do not believe so,” I said, his words adding to my nervousness. “No, I am sure. Is it so lonely, then, at Green Willows?”
“Lonely? Oh, aye, it’s that too,” he said. “Wait a minute.”
He said something to a woman on the porch of the inn and she walked over to the coach. “Here, Ruthie,” he said, “I was told this young miss is for Helford, and now she says she wants to be put down at Green Willows.”
The woman also stared at me strangely and said, “I think you’re making a mistake, Miss. If it’s work you’re looking for, you won’t find it there. They don’t take kindly to strangers, and more likely than not you’ll find yourself out in the rain with nothing to do but walk back here.”
“But I’ve already got work there,” I said. “I’ve been hired as a governess.”
The man and the woman exchanged glances, and the manner in which they had spoken and the way they looked at each other made me still more anxious. I watched their faces, hoping for some reassurance or explanation, but none was given.
“Well, it’s none of my business, I’m sure,” she said, and backed away from the coach.
The driver took his cue from her and nodded. “I’ll drop you off along the road, Miss,” he said in a businesslike tone, “but I can’t take you up the drive to the house. We coachmen don’t go up the lane there, and we wouldn’t be welcome if we did. Like Ruthie said, they don’t take kindly to strangers there.”
I would have questioned him further but he was quickly in the seat now. He cracked his whip over the horses and the coach started up so suddenly that I banged my head on the window frame. There was nothing for me to do but sit back down again, my eyes glued to the window, and wait until we reached Green Willows.
As the coach rushed down the street, I could see lights in the windows of the houses we passed, and glimpses of people living their daily lives, doing their homely routines. All of a sudden I had a lump in my throat, for I had no home, and no matter how vile things might be at Green Willows, I had no place to go back to and nothing in the world but the clothes in my portmanteau and two guineas that had been a gift from Mrs. White to tide me over until I received my pay.
We left the town and I pressed my face to the window to watch the lights fade in the distance until there was nothing but darkness beyond the glass.
I
