Is Overrated
The hot water pelting Princess’s bare skin brought a welcome relief to her numb body. At last sensation was returning to her lower limbs, and only traces of queasiness remained. She upped the shower heat until the water was almost scalding. The bathroom filled up with steam, resembling a sauna. For a long time she stood in the shower, taking long, deliberate breaths, filling her lungs with hot, wet air and slowly collapsing them as though performing a cleansing ritual. She felt dirty and violated. When the water turned lukewarm, she lathered a bath sponge with soap and scrubbed her body furiously.
The early-morning events weighed heavily on her mind. After the two men in trench coats had left, after she had regained consciousness, she found that even the familiar warmth of Leo’s body next to hers, which she normally sought out and counted on to relieve any unhappiness, yielded no comfort. She had lain under the covers, scared and tense, her mind a chaotic whirl of thoughts and speculations. She had wondered about many things; her life, it seemed, was one big round of wondering. She had wondered about Leo and his well-being, things he kept concealed from her and which revealed themselves by accident, like the two men. Who were they? How did they know Leo? And what did they want from him? She had wondered about their relationship, where it was headed, where it wasn’t. She preferred not to dwell on the relationship much, afraid of the anomalies her clever brain might point out. She had wondered about the sensitivity of her stomach and the nausea that wouldn’t go away. She had wondered about her late mother, bless her soul, and wished she could talk to her. She had dozed off still wondering.
Princess dried off and stepped out of the shower. In the bedroom Leo was sleeping soundly. She stood by the bed watching his bare chest rise up and down in a composed rhythm. Her first impulse was to run her hands over his smooth dark skin as she normally did every morning. She liked to make love to him in the morning, loved the way his taste and smell stayed with her all day. As her fingers touched his skin, Princess recoiled; this was no time for loving.
“Leo, wake up.”
Leo didn’t stir. He was a sound sleeper, could sleep through a heavy metal rock concert. And of late he did nothing but sleep his days away.
“Get up!” she said, more loudly, shaking his arms with unnecessary force. “Leo!”
“What, baby?” he grunted and reluctantly opened his eyes. A surprised, mischievous smile formed around his mouth. He eyed her up and down and started to lean towards her. “Have I ever told you how sexy you are, my own Jada Pinkett-Smith?”
Princess wasn’t impressed by his compliment. She realised she was only wrapped in a bath towel, took a step back, out of Leo’s reach, and folded her arms. “The men from this morning, who are they?” The shock had worn off. She was focused.
“What men?” he asked, his smile dissipating.
Princess glared down at him with her piercing brown eyes.
“Oh, them?” He sank his head into the pillow and feigned a dry cough. “They’re nobody.”
“Don’t play games with me. I want to know who those men are and what they wanted from you.”
“Baby, don’t worry about those jerks.” He was trying hard to keep it together. “Why don’t you come here and give me some love?” He patted the empty side of the bed and looked at her with hopeful eyes.
Princess furrowed her brow, angled a suspicious look at him. Her mind was racing. “What was in the brown package you gave them?”
Leo let out an exasperated sigh and averted his eyes. “I’ve already told you not to worry. This morning was a big misunderstanding. Please don’t turn what happened into a big issue.”
“Foreign men come into my house, scare me shitless and threaten to blow your brains out, and I’m supposed to dismiss everything as a misunderstanding? I’m not a fool, you know.” Anger was swelling inside her. She hated being lied to.
“I know, baby, and I’m not suggesting you are. Let’s put this incident behind us, forget it happened, okay?”
“Leonard, are you taking drugs?” She was using his full name, saying it sharply and reproachfully, knowing he hated hearing her say it that way, knowing it made him feel uneasy. “Are you selling drugs? Are you in any way involved with drugs?”
“Baby, no! How could you even think that? I don’t have anything to do with drugs, I swear.”
“Why are you lying to me?”
“I’m not,” he yelled. “Enough of this talk, Pri. It’s six-thirty in the bloody morning. Do you mind?” He got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
Princess followed him. “Leo, I need to know if you’re into drugs, because honestly, I can’t deal with that.”
“Jesus! Would you stop treating me like one of your clients? I’m not a criminal and you’re not my lawyer.” He slammed the door shut and locked it.
Princess stood outside the door drumming her fingers on the wall.
“If you don’t want to tell me the truth, fine; maybe you would like to explain to the police. I don’t want any shady business going on in my house.” Her head started to spin. The nausea was coming back. Carefully, she moved towards the chaise longue and lowered herself onto it.
A minute passed and the sick feeling vanished. The toilet flushed. Leo came out of the bathroom and leaned in the doorway.
“Look, I know those guys from home. They helped me when I first moved here – set me up with a room and a small place where I could paint. They gave me a start.” He was having difficulty speaking, like someone with a minor speech impediment. “Of course you won’t understand these things. You’ve never been in my situation. You don’t know what the life of a refugee is like. You have no flipping clue how it is to be displaced from your country, to wander hopelessly in a country you don’t know, not knowing where your next meal will come from or whether the next step you take is your last, to sleep on the pavement. You can’t possibly know. You South Africans have no idea how privileged you are to have the freedom and –”
“Leo, please, spare me the bullshit,” Princess said dryly. “I’m the last person to give the ‘Poor me, I’m an immigrant’ sermon.”
“Okay, baby. I haven’t heard from those guys since I moved out last year, and then out of nowhere they show up at the studio demanding money for helping me. It’s blackmail, I know, but I don’t want any trouble, you see. So I gave it to them. It was money in that package.”
Princess said nothing.
“I’m sorry for putting your life in danger. And I’m sorry I yelled at you. The most important thing is they’re out of my life for good. I promise.”
Princess didn’t speak. She kept her frozen stare on him.
“Baby, please talk to me.”
Finally she said, “I don’t know what you’re up to, Leo Moyo, but let me make it clear to you now – I don’t want to be part of it. I will not tolerate drugs or other criminal activities in my house, you hear?” Her tone was icy and uncompromising, one reserved for uncooperative spouses, partners, fathers, brothers.
Leo was looking at her with a combination of hurt and contempt.
