of the nictitating membrane slides across and shutters closed the mysterious depths. The frogs’ soft underbellies are tinged with acid yellow, smooth and cool in my hand. Their bright green skins are shiny, dry and tight. At night, their nocturnal songs guide me into sleep. Comfort my dreams.
With my trophy safely thrashing away in my fist, I run for home. On the way back, I catch a glimpse of the magistrate’s fat cat between the purple prunus leaves, intent on catching the last goldfish swimming in the pond in the front garden of his house. He’s settled on his fat cat belly on the warm stones near the edge of the water. His head is drawn into his shoulders and he’s crouching like a sphinx, his white paws tucked tightly in under his soft black fur. As I run past the low wall, he raises his head to look at me. His green eyes flick from my face to the squirming legs in my hand. The cat raises itself as if to jump at me across the pond and over the wall.
‘Tsssst!’ I hiss.
It twitches its tail and settles back down to watch the teasing goldfish, occasionally stretching across the water to take quick, sharp cuffs at it with its unsheathed claws.
I struggle back over our gate with the now-quiet frog, unlatch the wooden door to the backyard and sidle into the kitchen through the open flyscreen. The house is quiet. I tiptoe across the linoleum floor to the cutlery drawer. Inside are big, bone-handled knives for cutting meat and smaller ones for spreading butter and jam, all equally blunt. I take one of the meat knives and quietly make my way out into the cool loggia. Sandy’s panting under his favourite daisy bush, ears cocked, tongue lolling on his paw.
I’m on my knees in the loggia, holding the squirming frog in one hand, the knife in the other. The frog is frantic.
‘This bladdy knife is so blunt!’ I mutter. ‘I don’t know how they get the legs off in France … Can’t you just keep still for a minute?’ I shout.
Sandy wants to play. He’s barking and yelping. I wish he’d go away. Ma hears him and thinks he’s cornered a mouse. I can hear her brisk footsteps coming closer. In a panic, I sit on the knife and push the squirming frog into my mouth.
Ma rushes in and looks around the room. She notices my pulsating cheeks, raises her eyebrows and blinks her eyes. She walks across the floor and stares down at me.
‘What’ve you got in your mouth, Jennifer?’
I shake my head. Out of the corner of my eye I can see my cheek poking in and out as though something’s jumping inside, trying to get out.
‘I asked you what you’ve got in your mouth?’
I shrug. I can’t open my mouth in case the frog jumps out. I can feel it hopping about on my tongue. I’m scared it’ll jump down my throat. Sandy drops his head between his front paws, ready to play. His eyes are fixed on my involuntarily bulging cheeks. My eyes are round with fright, my tongue wedged against my palate. I’m sure the frog’s made a wee in my mouth. Everyone knows a frog’s and a tortoise’s wee will give you warts. I feel sick. And I can hear it croaking inside my mouth. It sounds just like my record of Peter and the Wolf, where the duck quacks inside the wolf after he’s swallowed her alive …
I look at Ma. My jaws are aching. Sandy barks, jumps on top of me and starts licking my face. Ma holds her cupped hand out towards me.
‘Spit! Spit it out. Right now!’
In anguish, I reach up, take her wrist in my hand and bring my mouth to her open palm. I open my clenched jaws slowly, and the frog – released from its dark and awful prison – makes a joyful leap for freedom right into Ma’s waiting hand.
Her eyes roll. She shrieks, stamps her feet and shakes her hand desperately to dislodge the frog. Shuddering with fright and revulsion, she keeps wiping her palm against her dress. The frog – delighted to be free – jumps for its life and scuttles under the divan. Slimy threads of bitter wee and spit trail behind it. Sandy lies as flat as he can on the slate floor, growling and barking, his back legs splayed and twitching behind him.
Ma’s incandescent.
‘For God’s sake! What are you doing with a frog in your mouth? A live frog? Where did you get it? Oh! How could you?’
The bile-bitter taste in my mouth is making me gag. Finally, I manage to hawk up a big gob of bubbly spit. With unerring luck, it lands on the toe of Ma’s shiny brown brogue. She staggers back, hops on one leg, kicks her foot out and deftly flicks it off.
I’m panting. Ma’s not the only who’s had a fright, I think.
‘I just wanted to know what a frog’s legs tasted like, Ma … Aunt Rosalind said they were so delicious, but the knife was too blunt and I only tried to cut off one leg, Ma … and I had a plaster ready …’
‘What? You tried to cut off the frog’s leg? Where’s the knife? Where is it?’
My fingers are fishing around on the floor under me.
‘Here, Ma. Here it is!’
‘Ugh! My God, I’ll have to boil it … I can’t believe you actually put a live frog in your mouth!’
She stares at me, her unaffected hand clasping her cheek.
‘But, Ma, the frog’s all right. I didn’t even cut its skin.’
Then I remember.
‘Ma?’
She’s standing at the door to the lounge, clutching the handle of the offending knife between the tips of her fingers.
‘What?’ she asks.
‘Ma? Will I get warts on my tongue now?’
Her voice is tart.
‘I’ll be very happy to wash out your mouth with soap for you if that will make you feel better?’ Then she starts laughing.
She laughs until she has to bend over to catch her breath.
‘Oh my God,’ she says finally, ‘I really don’t know where you come from!’
Eyes in the Back of Her Head
Our new house has been built specially for us on the other side of the railway line. On the good, right side. We’ve got a special room called a ‘loggia’ and a special lavvy that’s so low down that, when I sit on it, it feels as if my bottom is almost touching the floor.
I don’t know how Pa or Ma can get all the way down on it, but Pa says that’s the way all lavs should be.
‘Low enough to squat,’ he says. He clears his throat. ‘That’s the natural way.’
No one else has a lavvy like ours, and no one else has a room called a loggia, either.
‘And now?’ everyone asks when they come to visit us for the first time. ‘Did the builders forget to build the last wall, Jack? This room is mos only half built, man – anyone can come inside!’
Pa shakes his head in despair.
‘Bloody ignoramuses,’ he tells Ma when our visitors have gone home.
‘The
