God that if these things couldn't be worked out, I wished he would just please bring me home. I was exhausted from the struggle.
It was in that moment of prayer that I had the realization that I was being just too self-pitying, too self-involved, and too self-absorbed. I decided at that very moment to change my prayer and to have faith and trust in God for everything. I decided to honor his will as he surely knows at all times and in every moment what will be best for us, both in our earthly needs as well as in our spiritual growth. I continued to pray, but my prayer changed completely. With the absolute intent of my heart I prayed, “Father, never mind everything I have just said and have asked you for because if it is not your will, Lord God, then I don't want any of it. I'm so sorry for my prideful requests and self-centered ways. Please forgive me in my self-pity, and let your will be done in my life. Father, thy will be done, whatever that might be. Make me your servant, Father, and bring to me the work that you have given me to do, no matter what that might be.”
I don't think I have ever been more serious. I put my whole heart, mind, and body into my prayer. And then a miracle happened! As I mentioned, I was sitting on my bed. I was directly across from the floor-to-ceiling mirrors on my closet doors. In the instant after I said my prayer, I looked up and saw twinkling lights in the mirror. They appeared to be off in the distance but were very quickly getting larger and moving closer. There were two very bright lights with many other lights twinkling around them. Suddenly the two brightest lights took shape before me.
My first reaction was one of fear. Many thoughts were flying fast and furiously in my mind as I was thinking at the same time, Oh my God, what's happening? Is this some sort of UFO or alien phenomenon? What is going on? I remember I tried to say out loud in what turned out to be only a whisper, “I rebuke thee, Satan. I bind you in the name of Jesus!” My fear was such that for seconds it seemed I couldn't breathe. I followed my rebuke with the beginning of the Lord's Prayer, but by that time I began to feel a sense of peace come over me. It was a sensation of calming that I could never begin to describe with mere and totally inadequate words.
My fear subsided completely as I observed the lights beginning to change into two of the most beautiful beings I have ever seen—the most complete and total beings of light. They were opaque, and yet I could see through them at times to the mirror behind. They were such an incredible whiteness of light that there were beams of light shooting from their bodies and all around them. Behind their heads it was as if there was a spotlight that backlit what appeared to be shining auburn and brownish tones to the color of their hair.
One had long hair to his shoulders and the other had a shorter, more cropped, close-to-the head style. I noticed no jewelry or accoutrements that would distract my eye from their gorgeous, illuminative faces. One had very visibly sparkling blue eyes. The other's eyes, soft and tender, were a deep sea-foam green. The beings wore beautiful robes that were perhaps like those a monk would wear—only these were bright white and free flowing. They seemed to billow softly in an unseen, unfelt wind. They had gold and silvery shining sort of rope belts about their waists. The belts hung loosely to their hips with tassels hanging down to one side. The tassels also flickered with light. I was aware of their feet for only brief seconds, and when I could see them clearly, I saw that the beings wore some sort of sandals which wrapped around their ankles. The sandals appeared to be leather although I cannot be sure because I saw them for such a short amount of time.
At other times the bottom part of their legs didn't show at all, and the beings seemed to be suspended in midair. Each had behind him (they were both male figures) a pair of beautifully large and feathery iridescent wings which I could see the tops of but were closed and seemed to be attached to their backs.
I was in a state of complete and total awe! As I watched these beings, I realized that I was hearing words in my head. But as I looked at the beings’ mouths moving, I saw that the thought sounds and words I was hearing mismatched the mouth movements. For a moment it struck me as funny because what I was seeing looked like one of those old foreign films where the dubbing of English words didn't quite match the mouth movements. In this case, the beings’ mouths were moving in advance of the sounds I was hearing. I think I must have smiled and maybe chuckled over this.
But even though by then I was feeling totally at ease, I was still awestruck by what I was seeing. The words each being spoke came to me in a hushed yet amplified way. The thoughts also came very fast to my understanding just as a cassette tape that is fast-forwarding yet you are still able to understand it. I understood all their words. They had perfect timing—one spoke when the other would pause. Everything they said to me was set apart from the other thoughts that were still racing in my head. Their voices were distinctive. Each had its own melodious tone, and I would have been able to tell them apart even if I had not been watching whose mouth was moving.
I sat on my bed unable to move, dumbstruck as I heard the following words from these most wonderful beings of light: “Do not be afraid, Sunni, for we are angels of God, and we were sent by God to bring you that which you have requested of our Lord. Your mission and service to the Creator will be forthcoming and will be prepared for you by the angels who will soon follow us and come to you. You may ask what you will of these holy servants, and they will answer you. The Holiest of Holies will always be with you, as well as a host of angels assigned by God for your protection.” “We offer our service to you as well, Sunni, as you are being called to your mission, as we also are willing messengers and servants of our Lord. We give you lovingly our blessings in that which you have humbly volunteered and been chosen, and in His Holy Son's name—the Christ, and our Lord Jesus. We must now take our leave. Peace and love be with you.”
As the last few sentences were spoken to me, I realized that the angels’ lights were beginning to move backward. They faded slightly as they floated back into the mirror from where they had come. By the end of the last phrase, “Peace and love be with you,” their bodies had faded completely and became the two brightest lights with smaller particles, sparkles, and flickers all around as when I had first noticed them coming out of my mirror. They drifted backwards as if being pulled by some unseen force. Needless to say, if people had walked into my room and seen the expression on my face, I don't know what they would have thought.
I just stared into the nothingness of the mirror for several minutes before I dared move. Now I was able to see only my own stunned reflection staring back. When I was finally able to move, I went to my bathroom, and as I looked in the mirror, I splashed cold water on my face. I knew I would never forget the vision of the angels as it was burned into my mind in every respect. I knelt down and cried over and over again, “God, thy will be done.” With tears streaming down my face, I thanked and praised the Lord again and again for such an unbelievable and transforming gift!
During the first several weeks after the angels’ visit, things were still not going well in my life. As always, as part of my daily prayer to God, I had asked for help with my own problems as well as those of my family and friends. It seemed to me that everyone I knew was in the same position as I or was very close to it. I had no prospects of a positive nature, and I was at my wits’ end. I went to God again. I should tell you that I have my own way of talking to God. I talk to him as though he is sitting with me wherever I am at the time. I talk to him in the same way I am speaking to you now through my writing.
I was telling him I didn't understand why I couldn't find a day job that I'd be able to hold on to and why I was having so much trouble finding singing work because I knew my voice was a gift from him. Why was he not giving me the chance to use my gift as he had in the past? I said to God, “You know, Father, that I love singing as much as I love breathing. But if it is not in your plan for me to sing, then please just give me a good day job that I can feel productive in and I will do what you want. I want to do your will.”
I continued to say that if he wanted me to let go of all my possessions, I would—most things of value were in hock at the pawn shop anyway and that if it was his will for me never to sing again or to use any of the other gifts he had given me, I would
