Observe when your child is most accessible and jot down when these times are. It may be:
when he’s being tickled
when you sing to him
when you play rough-and-tumble
when he’s eating something he really likes
when he’s jumping on the trampoline
when he’s splashing in puddles
when he’s having a bath
when he’s relaxed and in bed.
It may be none of the above but something else, a time when he seems receptive, relaxed and willing to look at you (no matter how fleetingly). It may even be a time that you hadn’t noticed before, such as sitting in the car (ride as a passenger next to him one day and watch his reactions to you), or swinging in the park.
Once you have pinpointed these times, use them as periods when you really work on showing your child that communication with people means something – that it brings its own rewards.
Encourage your child to touch you and create a response that he may find appealing. For example, guide his hand to your face and make a ‘beep beep’ noise when he touches your nose, or put out your tongue. Make the same response every time so that he realizes that the same gesture creates the same response. He may want to repeat the game over and over. When he gets the hang of it, make a new gesture for touching different parts of your face. Touch his face and encourage him to make the noise with you. This may be a good game to play last thing at night when he’s lying in bed, or when he’s in the bath.
When you are engaging in a game he enjoys, such as tickling, stop to take a long pause (often longer than you might feel comfortable with), and wait for your child to make a gesture to indicate he wants the game to continue; this may be by making eye contact or pulling your hands back to him. In response, look back at your child, and say, ‘You want more? – yes?’ and carry on the game.
‘Peek-a-boo’ games – Hold a cushion/cloth up to your face or hide behind objects (a huge box or play tunnel is great). Create lengthy pauses to build up anticipation and to give your child a space to indicate that he wants the game to continue.
Pulling silly faces – Cover your face with your hands and as you take them away change your expression. Try wearing a hat or painting your nose red with lipstick so your child really looks into your face. Encourage eye contact before you change expression.
Dancing – Swing and sway to music with your child, then stop and pause for him to indicate he wants more. (See Chapter 7 for lots of dance/music activities.)
Blowing raspberries onto the palms of his hands/tummy – wait for eye contact before you do it again.
Allow your child to dictate how long he lets you into his space – I found that the moment I attempted to prolong an activity and force my attention on my son, then that particular activity ceased to have an appeal to him.
Once you are familiar with how your child responds when he attempts to communicate, look for more and more ways to access him and more opportunities for him to interact with you.
Ideas to try
Balloons – Simple and often effective, try letting a blown-up balloon deflate and whiz around the room. Let your child anticipate when this will be by saying ‘ready, steady – go!’ Leave a pause before you let go of the balloon so that your child can anticipate the activity and be motivated to either attempt to say ‘go’ or make a gesture to communicate it to you such as making eye contact. Novelty shops often sell items powered by balloons, for example, cars that move along the floor or helicopters. These types of shops are not marketed towards very young children but are worth a visit for novelty items that your child would find difficult to ignore. Never leave such things where your child might get hold of them on his own as they may not be safe or have small parts that he may choke on – supervized play only! Try patting a blown-up balloon at your child; if he likes a particular object, draw it onto the surface (or stick a picture of it on the balloon).
Bubbles – There’s a multitude of different bubble-blowing machines/wands available. Don’t forget to wait for your child to make eye contact before you blow more bubbles. If your child wants to blow them too, choose something easy for him to handle (special no-spill containers are also available). If you are initially introducing bubbles to access your child’s attention and build motivation to communicate, it’s best to control the bubble-blowing yourself otherwise the game could soon dissolve into a solitary activity. However, later on, you may wish to use bubbles as a rewarding activity for attempting something more demanding. Encouraging your child to blow is good exercise for those speech muscles. If he’s having difficulty blowing, try one of the little battery-operated fan/bubble-blowers for instant impact (and easy for him to use, too). Also try the bubble wands with built-in fans/whistles. Watch out for the bottle of solution being more interesting than the bubbles! If your child likes containers of this type keep them out of sight and just hand him the wand. Avoid worrying about the carpet by putting towels on the floor so your attention isn’t diverted and you can really have fun. (For suppliers of bubble activities, see the Resources section at the back of the book.)
Feathers – Some children with autism find the soft touch of a feather very uncomfortable; others (like my son) find it fun to be tickled by it, and to use it to tickle me! Try the really big, brightly coloured plumes you find in sewing and craft shops. Don’t just launch at your child with it – play at tickling teddy/siblings/yourself until he starts to take notice and gently try it out on him, leaving long pauses to build up his anticipation.
Remember to make it easy for your child to establish eye contact. Get on your knees at eye level or even underneath your child’s eye level. Don’t make him have to look up at you.
Share your child’s chosen activity. If he runs about the room making noises, copy him! Act as if his behaviour is purposeful and meaningful. After you have imitated him for a while, pause and wait for a reaction. Leave plenty of spaces for him to react if he wants. Try introducing some variations of your own and encourage him to imitate you. You may wish to investigate Intensive Interaction strategies like this further, see the end of this chapter for more
