You may spiral downward, and it takes time and effort to alter that course. But even when you are in the messy middle, you still have all the tools you need to reach your personal next: you know how to be the best and do the work to get there.
Most important of all, to find a personal next, you must let go of what no longer serves you. If you were a celebrated orchestral musician who had to retire because of an injury, you need to accept that you may never play professionally again. If you were a CEO, deeply tuned in to your industry, employees, customers, and competitors, you need to recognize that your identity has shifted. Saying goodbye to something is important. We “must say goodbye to say hello”9 and accept that, in most cases, it is unrealistic to believe you can replicate the experiences of the past. Trying to replicate history detracts from the discovery of new directions.
This means that, as a musician, upon enrolling in a course to gain new skills, you’ll need some of the practices already in your arsenal, such as commitment, attitude, and regulation. As a former CEO in your post-corporate life, you can use your high-level knowledge and mentoring skills to bring value to others; this transfer of proficiency and deeper focus on others can provide new meaning to your life now that your career has ended.
In the next chapters, we examine each point on the arc of transition—from tackling the ascent to negotiating the messy middle to climbing new heights. Although the interviews I conducted primarily focus on the journeys of elite athletes, many of their emotional trials and tribulations reflect the experiences of others, whether they played high school football, work in construction, perform on the stage, or own their own business. The key is how this information informs you about your unique circumstances. What lessons can you learn from the compressed trajectory and subsequent struggles of elite athletes’s lives? And how can you use the nine practices common to the high achiever to find your personal next?
Throughout, we look at how the nine practices play out across the stages of the arc—the exercises in the “Practices in Play” sections will help you dive deeper. As you read the stories of others’ personal bests and personal nexts, you may uncover aspects of yourself that will propel you into your future. Commit to keeping a journal of thoughts and answers to the questions asked, as this book is meant as a tool for discovery and you’ll want to track your progress to assist in that process. For additional personal insight, you may wish to download extra exercises on the Time Outs webpage at melindaharrison.com.
Now, let’s begin the journey together.
STAGE ONE:
TACKLING THE ASCENT
This upward-sloping period focuses on the ascent to a personal best and the experiences that fuel the ascent. In this stage, you move from exploration to intensity and then to actualization. Your lifestyle and environment at this early part of the journey influences your future journey through the arc.
Chapter 1
Testing the Waters
“My mother came flying out of the stands and caught me right before I got to the dressing room. She told me to give it a shot and if, after a couple of weeks, I still hated it, I wouldn’t have to do it; but I couldn’t just walk away. So I went back to the pool, and the rest, as they say, is history.”
—GEORGE GROSS JR., WATER POLO PLAYER
To finish requires a start. At the first point on the arc of transition, “testing the waters,” you see exciting possibilities, engage with opportunities, and learn formative lessons that live on long after you’ve progressed to higher levels. These early experiences influence the climb to success and inform the multitude of challenges people often face once the spotlight fades and a career ends—and they are left questioning what comes next.
For athletes starting out, several variables may shape their young identities: a culture of high performance, family involvement, a desire for a better life, and the growing adoration of others for their benchmark achievements. Exposure to coaches, teachers, and mentors, and the weight of expectation—the athlete’s and that of others—also factor in.
All high performers have a story about how they started. As we explore this point on the arc more deeply, take time to reflect on who and what were a part of your own beginnings and how they shaped your journey to a personal best.
FAMILY AND CULTURAL INFLUENCES
At the earliest stage of an athlete’s development, parents, coaches, neighbours, and society play indelible roles. Long before their offspring attain athletic glory, parents of the young gymnast, runner, skater, or swimmer may have encouraged them to sign up at the local community centre for some fun activities with other children. Young athletes often learn that sports can be an enjoyable pathway for building skills and confidence before they’re old enough to truly absorb the future effects of the discipline instilled in them through training. The same is true for the young dancer, actor, chef, or computer programmer. When adults direct children toward activities, they hope that the young ones will find the endeavour engaging. However, many parents put their children in activities specifically to give them an advantage in life. Music can link the left and right sides of the brain; sports can provide early coordination, structure, and, for some, a scholarship. Math tutors can hone supplemental skills while providing confidence. The long-term effects of this desire to get our kids ahead in life are usually made with good intentions but are not without consequences—some positive and some negative.
The parents of Sarah Gairdner, an Olympian and multiple world champion in double mini-trampoline, got involved in her sport, but they didn’t control her experience. Sarah describes her father as the most positive person you could meet. Her mother spent hours at the gym with her. “Some parents would sit up in the stands and know every move,” she tells me. “My mom didn’t have a clue what I was doing! She just crossed her fingers and hoped that I wouldn’t get hurt!” Sarah’s mother and father took her lead about her involvement in sport: “‘Whatever you are comfortable with’ was what they would say to me,” Sarah says. Such encouraging, hands-off parental relationships can help young athletes develop an “I can do it!” attitude, and a comfortableness with trying and failing and trying again.
My parents weren’t particularly interested in sports, but they helped me find outlets for my need to move. They created opportunities for me. And this was in the mid-1970s, when exercise was not a part of the popular vocabulary the way it is now. Marnie McBean, a three-time Olympic gold medallist in rowing (1992, 1996), speaks about her parents similarly to the way I describe mine:
My parents aren’t athletic, but they were pretty amazing, particularly my mom. They were good at encouraging me to try new things. My mom told me to never say no to an opportunity because I didn’t know how to do it, whether it was guitar or figure skating or gymnastics or swimming. Whenever I showed any curiosity for something, they were willing to enrol me in lessons—the rule being that I had to see the full course of the lessons out, and then at the end we could discuss whether or not I would continue.
The encouragement of Marnie’s mother took hold in the sport of rowing. When Marnie asked about how to learn to row, her mom didn’t know the answers but made sure they found out. She also ensured Marnie was involved in all aspects of the sport, even in the high school fundraisers. “We were selling oranges and grapefruits, and she would let me sell them in her office, but she would also make me come in to her office and put up the poster.” Her mom insisted that Marnie make fundraising phone calls herself: “To this day, that lesson remains,”
