in the Mirror of Truth for a thousand years like some newbie gone catatonic stupid. “Why not?” he said, approaching the door. “But one more thing. How long have I been dead? Just for interest sake.”
Flash Freddy looked over at Smiggins, who immediately punched some numbers on the calculator he had been cradling to his chest. “One hundred and seventy-three years, two-hundred and ninety-four days, eleven hours, sixteen minutes and…”
“Not that long,” Flash Freddy said.
“Not that long?” Louis could feel his eyes bulging out of their new sockets. “I’ve been dead three times longer than I was alive.”
“Eternity’s an awful lot longer. You’ll get used to it. As I said, some newbies take thousands of years to work out what’s going on. You’re doing remarkably well. I can see why The Boss thinks so much of you. You’ve got a smart brain for a weasel.”
Before stepping outside, Louis accidentally kicked something on the ground. It was the scrolled contract, the one with the purple ribbon he had tossed over his shoulder when still wrapped in bandages. He picked it up and handed it to the lizard. “Just a goddamn party invitation. Where’s the Mansion of Many Rooms, anyway?”
Eying it suspiciously, Flash Freddy shrugged and said that he had no idea. He had never heard of the place. He reached inside his inner pocket and removed a Zippo lighter. On it Louis saw the emblem of a lightening bolt striking a laughing lizard. “Sure you don’t want this?” Flash Freddy asked. When Louis nodded, he lit the lighter. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing happened.
“Nothing lasts long around here. That’s the third one this month,” he said, and tossed it away. The Zippo slid across the floor and hit the wall, snapping off its lid. He removed another one from his briefcase, which worked first time. Strangely, the flame that sprang from the flint had that same kind of sick grayness as the light in the room. Even the tortured shadow that leapt upon the wall behind him looked dim and gauzy, like some gothic painting faded to the point of nonexistence.
Louis watched the scroll burst into sickly gray flames. Flash Freddy then dropped it to the ground and let it burn until nothing remained but ashes. “You’ll let me know if you get any more of these invitations, won’t you?” he said, putting his claw back on Louis’s shoulder. Stepping into the outside tunnel, he flashed his salesman’s grin again. “What say we show you to your hotel before we hit the town? You must be dying to see where you’ll spend the rest of eternity.”
From a chamber somewhere down the tunnel, Louis heard the faint wails and gnashing of teeth of one of the newbies that hadn’t come to terms with who or what they had become. He hesitated, then hitched his toga and continued on. Better get used to it, sonny, he thought, brushing some flaky skin off his shoulder. Eternity’s a long damn time.
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