pockets, because he didn’t know what else to do with them. He finally remembered to close his mouth. “You’re sure that I’m the one who got you pregnant?”
Yeah, he was being ridiculously slow on the uptake, on purpose, and maybe a little insulting, too, might even qualify as a jerk, but he’d proved that long ago when he’d never called her after they’d been together. He needed time to process this flabbergasting and life-altering information.
He was a father? What if he didn’t want to be? Damn it, why hadn’t she given him a choice in the matter?
She nodded, unwavering in her speculative stare, her hands knotted in her lap. “As you mentioned earlier, I was a virgin. I didn’t run off and start sleeping around after that either. The OB doc tracked the pregnancy to nearly that exact day.”
Trevor’s hand flew to the top of his head, needing to check for a nonexistent cowboy hat. All these years he’d been a father? “Look, I’m sorry for how that may have come off. I’m just really thrown right now.” Getting kicked off a bucking bull couldn’t have felt worse.
“Understandably.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She slowly shook her head. “I didn’t want to ruin your first year in med school. Didn’t want you to feel obligated to me.” She glanced at the floor. “Didn’t want you to tell me to—”
“Look, I honestly don’t know what I would have done then. It would’ve been nice to have some say in the matter, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have told you to get rid of it. Er … him.” He grimaced. “James, is it?” His head spun with the knowledge of his son. A kid he’d never had an ounce of input in walked the earth not knowing he had a father. Did James know that he was his father?
“James Monty Sterling.”
“Monty? You know that’s my dad’s nickname, right?”
Still staring at the floor, she nodded.
So that was the one connection she’d kept to his family, and it was only a nickname. He ground his teeth to keep from spitting out the words flying through his head. Anger circled around like a hawk zeroing in on its prey. That urge to bash something with his fist returned, so he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. “That wasn’t right of you.”
Her startled look hit him square in the jaw. “It might not have been right, but it’s what I did. I can’t apologize for it, but if you don’t want to hire me, I get it.”
Could he face her every day, forced to wonder how different the boy’s life would have been if he’d been in it? Would the kid have needed to go to military school if he’d had a father in his life? Why had she held out on him, and could he forgive her? Right now, he wasn’t sure what any of the answers were, but he knew he couldn’t fire her. To spite her, he’d only harm the kid. Instinct told him that wasn’t right.
She’d come back to her hometown to deal with her parents’ estate, and to put her, uh, their son in military school. All these years, she’d never hit him up for money or support on any level, even knowing his family was well off. There had to be something noble in that, except it was a boneheaded thing to do in the first place. She said she hadn’t wanted to ruin his first year in medical school, yet she’d changed the course of her entire life by taking sole responsibility for the act they’d done together.
Taking that into account, some of the rage swirling through his mind simmered down.
Nope, it didn’t seem fair to never know he was a father, but she’d called the shots, and unbeknownst to him he’d stood by in ignorance.
He could only imagine the nerve it took to drop that bomb, and how she’d had to swallow some major pride to apply for a job in his clinic in the first place. Had he been set up?
Something about her pouring out her heart to him after all these years, while having borne the burden of being a single parent for a kid who was half as much his as hers, made him zip through what was left of the shocked, angry and accusatory part. Before he realized what he was doing, he dropped to one knee to take her white-knuckle hands in his.
Her guts at finally telling him overrode his stunned reaction.
He studied her face. What the hell was he supposed to say?
“As you can imagine, I need some time to let this news sink in. I’ve never married and don’t have any kids, so the thought of being a father to a nearly thirteen-year-old son is mind-blowing.”
“I understand.”
She let him hold her hands, but still didn’t look at him.
“Your job’s safe.” Hell, he couldn’t very well kick the mother of his child out on the street, could he? Nor did he want to. He’d been anything but honorable way back then, turned out so had she, but that was all history and it couldn’t be changed. Right now was a chance to make up for it, and there was a kid in need of military school at stake. “But honestly, I’m going to need time to figure out what to do about the fatherhood part.”
“Of course.” Finally she engaged his eyes, looking amazingly earnest and so damn appealing, the expression grabbed his heart and squeezed it. Why did he still feel connected to her? Well, criminy, he was totally bonded to her by a kid, just didn’t know it until now! “I’m fine with keeping this strictly between us for now. I love my son and that will never change, and I don’t expect you to suddenly change your life. I’m just going for full disclosure here. New job and all.”
He patted her hand, thinking how soft and fragile it was, how right it felt cupped in his palm. “Give me some time to work this through, okay?”
“Okay, but first you’ve got to understand I’m not asking for anything but this job, Trevor.”
He nodded. “I believe you.”
“So let’s just keep this under wraps and move forward with my employment for now—is that okay?”
“If only it were that easy, Julie, but okay.” He stood, shaking his head like it might help put sense into the latest news. It didn’t. “At some point I’m going to want to meet him. Tell him.”
“If that time comes, we’ve got to do it together. Promise me that.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
She stood. “I won’t force it. Just so you know.”
He nodded again.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then?” A definite tentative tone to her question.
“Sure.” Still stunned, he didn’t have a clue what to do next, and his mind, in its currently baffled state, wasn’t exactly coming up with anything else to say either.
Julie headed for the door, her bulky winter coat over her arm, the conservative navy business suit she’d worn fitting her narrow waist and rounded hips perfectly. He glanced at her shapely calves, remembering how he’d liked her legs in short shorts that summer. Man, had that gotten him into trouble … and all these years he’d never even known just how much.
He scratched his head, curiosity causing him to ask. “Do you have
