Five hours later, at the end of the shift, a shift that had held her first prem birth, a quick catch of another impatient baby keen to arrive before the rest of the staff were ready, and a smile from a very senior obstetrician for a job well done, Lucy picked up her bag from the staffroom.
She should be feeling ecstatic as she walked past the sluice room on the way out but, in fact, she felt dreadful.
The nausea that had been building all day suddenly rushed up her throat in an imminent threat—so much so that she had to launch herself at the sluice-room sink in desperation.
Nikolai, too, was on his way out the door when he saw the sudden acceleration of the new midwife who’d been so diligent today.
He frowned as he realised the nature of her distress, and glanced hopefully left and right for someone else in scrubs, but saw nobody he could call on to assist her. He sighed, shrugged, and approached the doorway.
‘Are you okay?’ By the time he reached her it seemed it was over.
Her forehead rested on the tips of the fingers of one hand as she rinsed the sink. The fragility of her pale neck made him reach for his handkerchief and he leaned past her and dampened it under the cold running water. He wrung it out before handing it to her to wipe her face.
To his amusement she was so intent on patting her hot cheeks that she muttered thanks without turning. Later, perhaps it would be different, but at the moment it seemed she was just glad she’d made it to somewhere manageable.
Then she glanced back and he saw her glance hesitantly past him and he wondered if she expected the whole staff to be lined outside, watching her.
‘Nobody else saw.’
Her shoulders sank with relief and he bit back a smile. So transparent.
‘Thank goodness. It’s crazy.’ He could just catch the words because she seemed to be talking to his tie. ‘I’ve been feeling nauseated all day and it just caught up with me.’
‘Not pregnant, are you?’ He smiled, in no way expecting the startled look of shock that spread over her face as she glanced up at him. Oh, dear me, Nikolai thought, and couldn’t help flashing back to his sister all those years ago.
No doubt it was that connection that caused his sudden surge of protective feeling towards this wilting poppy in front of him, but the sudden urge to hug her disconcerted him. He hadn’t wanted to drop a bombshell like that, neither had he had any intention of ruining her day, but it was far too late now. He resigned himself to waiting for her to gather herself.
‘I can’t be.’ But even in that tiny whisper Nick heard the thread of perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps?
She lifted her gaze to his again and he could see the intriguing green flecks in the hugeness of her horrified hazel eyes.
He’d put his foot in it, obviously. ‘So you haven’t tested for pregnancy?’
‘Hadn’t given it a thought,’ she mumbled, and blushed. ‘I didn’t consider that precautions might let me down during my first and only ever one-night stand. And that was ages ago.’ Her bitterness was unmistakable. She leant back over the sink to cover her face.
Nick winced at the vagaries of fate. Here was a woman anything but pleased by her fertility, while his sister would give anything to be able to fall pregnant again.
He didn’t know how he could help, or even why he wanted to, but he couldn’t just leave.
Maybe he was wrong. He knew nothing about her. ‘Perhaps you’re not pregnant. Could be gastro. Lack of food. You could try a pregnancy test. I have some in my rooms. Might even be negative.’
She looked at him, he saw the brief flare of hope, and she nodded. ‘That seems sensible. Of course I’m not…’ She blushed, no doubt at the blurting out of the indiscreet information she’d given him. He’d have liked to have been able to reassure her he could forget her indiscretion—no problem—but he wasn’t sure how.
She didn’t meet his eyes. ‘It could just be the excitement of the day. Would you mind?’
‘It’s the least I can do after scaring you like that.’ He smiled encouragingly and after a brief glance she smiled back tentatively. ‘Follow me.’
He glanced sideways and realised she’d had to skip a little to keep up. He guessed he did take big steps compared to hers, and slowed his pace. ‘Sorry.’ He smiled down at her. ‘It’s been a busy day and I’m still hyped.’
Lucy slowed with relief. She’d been hyped, too, until his random suggestion had blown her day out of the water.
Neither of them commented as she followed him to the lift, luckily deserted, an ascent of two floors and then along the corridor to the consultant’s rooms. Lucy’s lips moved silently as she repeated over and over in her head, I am not pregnant, I am not pregnant!
TEN MINUTES LATER that theory crashed and burned.
Lucy sank into the leather chair in Nikolai’s office with the glass of water he’d given her in hand and tried to think.
She shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I’m my mother all over again.’
When she opened her eyes he was smiling gently. ‘All mothers are their mothers.’
She sat up with a sigh. ‘Well, I really am mine. On the brink of a career I’ve worked so hard for and I’ve ruined my life.’ She could not believe this.
‘It’s been a shock. Can you remember when…?’ He paused delicately and Lucy felt her cheeks warm again. This just got worse and worse. ‘The night of our graduation.’ Her hand crept over her stomach. This could not be happening, but the tiny bulge of her belly, something she’d been lamenting over the last week and blamed on the huge box of rocky road chocolate she’d been given, suddenly took on an ominous relevance to her queasiness.
How could she have been so stupid not to notice? She was a midwife, for pity’s sake! But she’d been so excited about her job, and the house-sitting opportunity that would allow her to save money. She’d always been someone who got car sick, plane sick, excitement sick, thanks to an anxiety to please she’d thought she’d beaten.
It was a wonder she hadn’t been throwing up every morning if she was pregnant, the way her stomach usually reacted to change. ‘I can’t be pregnant. It must be something else.’
He had such calm, sympathetic eyes. But she could tell he thought the test was valid. She guessed he had experience of this situation. Well, she didn’t.
‘Would you like me to run a quick ultrasound to confirm the test?’
She wanted to say, no, that would be too real. She knew a little about ultrasounds in early pregnancy. She had seen obstetricians during her practical placements using the machines on the ward when women were bleeding.
Find the sac. Foetal poles. Heartbeat if far enough along. She didn’t want to know how far she had to be along.
