motion pressed his arm harder against Alex’s sleeve. Their hands were inches apart. All Alex had to do was spread his fingers wide, and he’d be able to touch Jamie’s hand. But that wasn’t what straight guys did. That wasn’t how they touched.
Jamie turned to look at him. “It’s been a long time, man.”
Since what? After the big fight in college they hadn’t talked for years, but then the wedding invitation had come. Alex hadn’t gone to Jamie’s wedding—he couldn’t, not after so much time. But it had opened the door. They’d talked sometimes on the phone after that and sent occasional e-mails that had become more frequent. But they hadn’t really seen each other in person since the night Alex had put Jamie through a glass table and spent the night sitting next to him in the E.R., holding his hand while a doctor who looked like Ed Grimley stitched him back together.
“Yeah. It has.”
Then Alex reminded himself he no longer gave a fuck what anyone thought, and he reached to pull Jamie closer to him for the hug he’d wanted to give him all along. Jamie came willingly enough, if awkwardly, his elbow knocking against the deck railing. Alex pressed his face into the side of Jamie’s neck, smelling his new cologne and the old soap, the familiar and strange scent of his oldest and best friend. He nuzzled closer for a second, not too long.
“You can hug me back, fucker,” he murmured into Jamie’s skin. “Anything above the waist isn’t gay.”
Jamie’s laugh sounded a little strangled, but his arms came up and held Alex tight, then tighter. He drew in a breath that pressed their bodies together. The breadth of Jamie’s shoulders and chest didn’t feel the same in an embrace as they did in a wrestling hold, and Alex held on a few more seconds. Almost too long, but then he pushed his friend away and added a one-two punch, left and right, to Jamie’s arms as the other man held up his hands to fend him off. They were back to being dudes again.
Alex put a few steps distance between them. Solid. There were places they weren’t meant to go. Not together, anyway. Not if he wanted to keep one of the few things in his life that had always meant something to him.
“How long you going to be around?” If Jamie noticed Alex’s retreat, he didn’t show it.
“As long as you can stand me. I’ve got some things lined up, people to talk to about stuff, but I don’t have anywhere to be for a while.” The first part was less true than the last. People to talk to equaled calling up old contacts and seeing if there was anything open for him.
“Nothing wrong with taking some time off, right? Can’t you afford it, Richie Rich?” Jamie tossed a few air punches his way. “If I could make a million by selling my company and retiring, I’d do it.”
“You wouldn’t, and you know it. Besides, a million doesn’t last long with tastes like mine.” Alex buffed his nails on his shirt, and they both laughed.
“You and your tastes. So, you still…?” Jamie’s voice got low and trailed off, but his eyes didn’t cut away.
Alex tensed. The last time they’d had this discussion it had ended badly, and they’d managed to avoid it ever since. Still, he was here and if it was going to make trouble he’d rather have it now. Get it over with. “Fuck guys? Yeah. Sometimes.”
Jamie had been holding his breath because now it blew out in a long, slow gust. “Do you have a…anyone…”
Alex watched his friend struggle for half a minute before figuring out what Jamie was trying to say. “You mean like a boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” The relief at not having to say it out loud was evident in Jamie’s voice, but Alex gave him points for at least trying.
“No. I don’t have a girlfriend, either,” Alex said, easily enough considering this was a conversation a long time in coming. “But lookit you, brother, all locked up in the bonds of holy matrimony and shit. How’s that treating you?”
Tension eased. Jamie turned to lean against the deck railing. The drinks had been forgotten, or put aside. “Great. Anne’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s perfect.”
Nobody was perfect, but even Alex wasn’t so much of an asshole that he was going to point that out. “Good for you.”
“She’s smoking fucking hot, for one thing,” Jamie said, all confidence that nobody could disagree. He looked at Alex. “Don’t you think?”
Alex knew him well enough to know he wasn’t looking for reassurance. Jamie moved through life with the indelible knowledge he was right. When he asked for confirmation it was not to reassure himself but others they were correct. Alex had lied a few times to Jamie just to make him happy, but he didn’t have to lie now.
“Yeah. She is.”
Jamie moved again while Alex stayed still. He turned back to look at the lake, then around again to face his friend, then paced a few steps back and forth. If anxious energy cast a light, Jamie would have been burning like a star.
“I’m really glad you came to stay, man. It’s been too fucking long, you know?”
Alex knew. But he wondered what, exactly, Jamie knew. “Are you gonna get all sappy on me?”
Jamie’s laugh lacked some of its old flair and sounded forced. Alex watched him carefully and then pulled another cigarette from his pocket. He licked it, but didn’t light it, and he didn’t miss the way Jamie’s eyes followed every move or the way he ran his hand through his hair and practically levitated off the deck.
“You remember Ellen Haskins?”
Alex had to think for a moment, frowning, before the image of a girl with large melon tits and bleached blond hair popped into his memory. His frown eased into a smile. “Yeah. You wanted to ask her to Homecoming.”
“She went with you, ya fucker.”
“But she went home with you, brother. Parking, right? Didn’t you get two fingers deep in her that night?”
Jamie laughed. “I did.”
“What about her?”
Jamie’s laugh faded away. He paced. “You knew I liked her, but you went after her.”
Shit. Well, there was part of it, right there. Jamie didn’t need to know that after Ellen had dumped his ass and left with Jamie, Alex had gotten a couple of joints and some superior head from Chad Phillips beneath the bleachers.
“Jamie, Christ.” If there was something to come out it was best to do it now the way they’d done the other shit. “She’s your wife. You’re my best friend. Still my best friend. High school was a long time ago.”
Jamie stopped and went suddenly still. He turned, fast, to look at Alex and the pleasure on his face was unmistakable. He swallowed, the sound audible even from a few feet away. He took a couple steps closer. “Actually that’s not what I was worried about.”
Alex frowned. “You want me not to tell her I like guys, too? Dude, I’m not really in the habit of describing my sex life in detail to people just for the hell of it. But if you’re asking me to lie about it…”
“No. No, no.” Jamie put up his
