his desk. A committed relationship would mean trying to live up to his parents’, who seemed to have the ideal. His grandfather spoke about his Mary as if she’d been a saint. Daniel remembered his grandmother as being sweet and kind, and Grandda was definitely prone to exaggeration, but a saint? Still, the old man’s face lit up with love anytime he mentioned her name.
Daniel had thought he’d found that kind of love with Kathryn, but he’d been astoundingly mistaken. He’d asked her to marry him within the first six months, long before she’d gotten pregnant, but she said she wasn’t ready. He’d sensed her hesitation when it came to commitment, but like a fool, he thought they only needed more time together, as though two years wasn’t long enough to make up her mind. After losing Emma, she’d withdrawn and pulled away. Weren’t they supposed to cling together at a time like that? He’d done his best to support her, to reach out to her, even got her bereavement treatment. Her therapist said she needed time. Daniel gave it to her, but she didn’t improve. She kept to herself and pushed him further and further away. Finally, she’d opened up and told him how she needed to be alone to heal, so even while drowning in his own pain and grief, needing her more than ever, he let her leave. Because that was what you did when you loved someone. He was hardly surviving, and in such pain over the loss of their baby he could barely work, yet he put her needs and wishes first. Alone, the pain so astounding he didn’t think he could go on, he tried.
He’d always expected her to come back. He clung to the thought. But she never did. Then one day she’d sent for her things and delivered a cold and calculated goodbye letter. Last he’d heard, a year ago, she was in a relationship with someone new, and he wished her the best, he honestly did.
But Daniel was still stuck in limbo.
He no longer fooled himself about ever being able to find his parents’ and grandparents’ kind of love. He should’ve seen the signs early on, when Kathryn kept putting on the brakes whenever he pushed to get married. She wasn’t into him in the same way, and he couldn’t see it then. The memory sent a sharp pain through him. How had he not seen it? Because falling in love had blinded him.
After the shock and gut-wrenching trauma of losing what he’d held dearest, a family, he was nowhere near ready to look for a relationship again. He couldn’t trust his instincts.
Man, he was frustrated—why couldn’t he find that report? He shuffled a pile of papers around.
Keela popped into his thoughts again, her smile, her cheerful outlook.
And why was he still thinking about Keela? He should’ve noticed and heeded the not-so-subtle omen when his grandfather, after first hearing about his new employee, had said, “Did you know that the name Keela in Irish means ‘beauty that only poetry can capture’?” Where did Gramps get that stuff?
Daniel glanced across his desk at another mound of papers, plus a patient appointment list that promised to keep him working until 8:00 p.m. These days the only commitment he could handle was his medical practice, a full-time job and relationship rolled into one, and it was all he could manage. There simply wasn’t room for anything else. So here he was, working like a lunatic to get his business off the ground, with a PT assistant who’d started to lure his mind off the goal. He frowned and stared at his desk. Maybe that was why he was always gruffer with her than he intended. Self-preservation? You bet.
He sighed. Today had made everything different. He’d landed the City College account. He couldn’t afford to take his eye off the prize. He shivered. What if he lost everything...again? He couldn’t bear to think of the consequences. A kernel of apprehension over the future of his clinic quickly grew to full-out anxiety, which prompted him to call out. “Keela!”
She arrived in his office, sat, brows lifted, eyes sparkling like they had all through lunch. So alluring, so off-limits. Guilt filtered through him. Nip the attraction in the bud, and file it under the heading of survival. He swallowed and forged ahead, but not before noticing her delicate fingers lacing and unlacing in her lap. He’d made her nervous and he hadn’t said a word. Already feeling like a heel, he so hated what he was about to do.
“So here’s the deal,” he said in a firm tone, skipping any niceties. “We’re going to be challenged like never before with the City College athletes. I’ll be spending time away from the clinic to attend their practices and games, and more responsibility will fall on your shoulders. So my question is, are you up for that?”
She sat on the edge of the chair in his office and nodded, her smile gone, a serious stare replacing the earlier glow. The power he wielded over her as her boss pinched behind his sternum, but he couldn’t back down.
“I can’t settle for excuses about back East weather holding up our supplies. It’s unprofessional and can’t happen again.”
“I’ll do my best to keep us stocked. If you give me the okay, I’ll order far in advance or set up a standing order. It’s just we’ve been counting pennies until now.” Her fingers kept lacing and unlacing.
“Not anymore.” This was his lifeline. The clinic had saved him after losing baby Emma, and when Kathryn no longer needed or wanted him. He shuddered when he considered what he might have done without the support of his family and this business venture to pull him through. This 4Cs deal gave him the chance to morph from struggling and heartbroken to successful businessman. His personal life might still be in shambles, but dammit, this clinic would shine because he was in control of this one thing. Work.
“From now on we have to work like a fine-tuned engine. Every minute will be put to good use. Last-minute childcare issues will be your issue, not mine. That can’t happen again. Got it?” Because he might not survive spending another afternoon with her daughter and the heart-wrenching feelings it had brought up of Emma, innocent and helpless, and beyond his control to save.
How could he expect Keela to never have childcare issues or for the vendors to never screw up? She sat quietly, and he felt like an ogre reading her mind, but he continued full-on. “Can you deliver? Because your job depends on it.” There, he’d said it—given her an ultimatum, his employee of the month, and he’d just entered the running for despicable boss of the year.
She looked stunned, anxious, chewing her lower lip as what he’d just said registered. “Yes. Of course.” Insecurity had slipped into her voice.
“Good.” She needed her job; what else could he expect her to say? Bastard.
He forced himself to look at her again. Seeing her squirm over the possibility of losing her job made him queasy, the mistrust he’d just planted in her usual open and honest gaze made him want to kick himself, but he ground his molars and kept quiet. She rose, serious and quiet.
He swallowed with difficulty. Great going. He’d just successfully ripped the shine off their luncheon and put fear and dread into the best employee he’d ever hired.
Once she’d left, he followed her out of his office, on his way to the reception desk in hopes of finding a fresh pot of coffee. Hating how he felt, he swore to never have a beer at lunch again, no matter how much he had to celebrate. What a mess.
That evening, when Keela left for home, she didn’t stop at his door to say good-night like she usually did. He’d been a complete ass, so what did he expect—Mother Theresa?
She didn’t deserve to take the heat for her ex-husband hanging her up at the last minute, but Daniel had heaped it on her anyway. Wasn’t the mark of a good boss compassion, and shouldn’t a skilled businessman be able to find a balance between laying down the rules and reading a riot act? Sitting behind his desk, he dropped his head into his hands.
