and marriage or to see a counselor or a priest …”
He arched a brow. “I had to make you believe I actually intended to do what you asked of me, to try, as you put it. If I’d given you an easy agreement to everything you demanded, you would only have become suspicious. You’d have guessed that I didn’t have any intention of doing what I agreed to do.”
She did more deep breathing. “You are impossible. Incorrigible.”
“Good night, Lili.” He started to turn.
She reached out and grabbed his granite slab of an arm. “Wait.”
He stopped, eased his arm free of her grip and told her flatly, “There’s nothing more to say.”
“Yes, there is. I have a... question, a question that’s been bothering me for weeks now.”
“Lili, please …”
She wanted to cry, to break down and sob her heart out. But somehow, she controlled herself. She held the tears at bay. “I just … I don’t understand, Alex. Why in the world did you have sex with me in the first place?”
That got to him. He actually looked at a loss for a moment. But then he regained his inhuman composure. He said in a tone that spoke of limitless boredom, “I’m a man. You’re a woman. It happens.”
“No. Uh-uh. That’s not good enough. What happened between us that morning was so hopelessly mad, so completely insane. And so very beautiful.”
“Lili, don’t.” His voice had a ragged edge to it now.
And she refused to back off. “I mean it. It makes no sense. It’s true you’re not smooth or romantic by nature. You’re hardly the kind who sweeps a woman off her feet. You’re more the type to knock her down and drag her off to your cave. But you are a prince. Women love princes. And there are a lot of women—beautiful, desirable women—who find the strong and surly type irresistible. You could have slaked your lust with one of them.”
He actually blinked. “Slaked my lust?”
“Well, I mean, if lust was your problem that day.”
“My … What in the … My lust?” Now he was the one sputtering.
Truth to tell, she found his sudden agitation rather satisfying. “I’m only remarking that you could have been with someone you don’t totally despise, someone on birth control, for heaven’s sake.”
He blinked some more. “That’s a ridiculous question—or did you even ask a question?”
“I did. I asked you why you had sex with me. Why, Alex? Just tell me why.”
He narrowed those strange, piercing eyes at her. They were looking considerably more lively than usual, those eyes of his. He hedged, “It’s a ridiculous question.”
She didn’t give in. “No, it’s not. Answer me.”
Of course he just had to turn it around on her. “Why did you have sex with me?”
She hitched up her chin at him. “You’re just trying to put me off.”
“You don’t have an answer, do you?” he asked smugly. “I see no reason why I should have to answer a question you can’t even answer yourself.”
As it happened, she did have an answer to her own question. She’d spent a lot of time pondering that one. “All right. Fine. I’ll go first. I had sex with you because I was sad and desperate, because I’d lost Rule, and was having to admit that I’d never had Rule, that I’d believed myself in love with someone who never thought of me that way, someone with whom I’d never shared anything but a … mutual fondness. And then you let me in your door, you listened to me. Or so I thought. Until you finally spoke and told me how my ‘petty problems’ meant nothing. I was outraged then. That I had been such a fool as to cry in front of you, as to pour out my suffering to someone like you. I raised my hand to slap you and you caught my wrist and … all at once, I looked in your eyes and I wanted to be lost in them. So I was. For a little while.”
He seemed calmer suddenly. And not in a good way. For a moment, she’d had his attention, raised a spark. But now, he’d shut her out, retreated behind his walls of nonresponsiveness again. “My reasons were similar to yours,” he said evenly.
“Oh, please. What hopeless love had you lost?”
“Not love. Not that kind of love. But I have … lost.”
She understood then. “Your friend. Your American friend …”
That did it. His eyes went flat. Whatever opening she’d had with him, so briefly, was completely gone. His mind and heart were shut tight against her.
He said, “I’ll tell you once more. We needed to be married. That’s the end of it as far as I’m concerned. We can stay married and lead our own separate lives. Or not. That will be your choice.”
“I do not believe this is happening.”
“Believe it,” he said.
“You’re a liar.”
He didn’t even flinch. “Call me what you will.”
“I thought that … Well, as much as I’ve always disliked your judgmental pronouncements and superior attitude toward me, I held on to the belief that you were a man of integrity. That your word was your bond. Never would I have pegged you as someone who would lie outright, who would make a bargain and then renege on it without a second thought. But I see I was wrong. I see that I’ve married a man who will blithely lie if he thinks a lie is ‘necessary.’ I can’t even trust you to keep your word. And if I can’t trust you to keep your word, Alex, what is the point of even trying with you?”
He tipped his big head to the side and asked, “Is that a real question?”
“Yes, of course it is.”
“Then here’s your answer, Lili. There is no point in trying with me. Stop wasting your breath and your overwrought emotions. Good night.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left her.
She didn’t try to stop him that time. She knew he would only shake off her grip and keep walking.
Yes, she did long to trail after him. She hated giving up. Even now, when he’d made it so achingly clear that he was never going to be a real husband to her, she wanted to follow him, to confront him again, to insist that he talk with her, that he come to some sort of real understanding with her. And failing understanding, she longed to call him any number of horrible names and perhaps throw some small, heavy figurine at his head.
But then she thought of her mother who would never resort to screaming fits or tantrums or displays of violence. Her beloved, lost mum never even had to raise her voice to get her man’s attention. Lili thought of her baby who deserved a mother in command of her emotions. She said a prayer for patience to the Holy Virgin. And she told herself that if she had nothing else at that moment, she had her dignity.
And then she went to the bedroom Alex was apparently never going to share
