She buried her face in her hands. How was she going to handle living with Zak day and night for the next month and not give herself away?
Until this morning she’d thought maybe she’d never feel the desire for physical intimacy with anyone again.
But one minute in Zak’s presence and she’d turned into a trembling mass of needs he’d ignited without even touching her or being aware of his effect on her.
She drew in a ragged breath.
Was it because Zak was so much younger than her husband or the men she’d been dating who were closer to forty, like Mike?
Rob had been thirty-seven to her thirty when she’d married him. They’d enjoyed a satisfying love life when he wasn’t too exhausted from being up in the night with sick children. She’d tried to get pregnant but it hadn’t happened.
After he fell ill, they mostly held each other. Some days and nights he felt good enough to make love, but those times grew less frequent as the disease took over.
Could it be she was one of those needy, over-the-hill widows whose senses only responded to the virility of youth anymore? She’d be thirty-six next March with a marriage already behind her.
Zak was a young and vigorous man still enjoying his single status until the right woman came along. A whole new world would open up to him when that happened.
Her feelings for Zak had always run deep because both of them had lost their parents in accidents. They’d had that loss in common and it had drawn them together. But it was shameful to be entertaining the thoughts she had about him now.
Though Lynette’s infatuation was no doubt alarming as well as irritating to Zak considering they belonged to the same family, he could forgive it because a young woman’s adoration was understandable. But if he could have known Michelle’s reaction to him this morning, he’d be repulsed.
If Mike knew how Zak made her feel, he’d be so hurt!
That’s why Michelle had to end it with him tomorrow.
After cleaning up the house, she got ready for bed. By the time her head hit the pillow, she’d worked out what she was going to say to him in the hope it would cause the least amount of pain.
But to her chagrin she wasn’t any closer to a solution that would make her immune to Zak’s powerful masculine appeal. All she could do was stay busy and mentally isolated from him when he didn’t require her help. That meant she needed to find an engrossing project.
She knew Zak had a computer at his work and the condo. Sherilyn and Graham had confided that e-mail was the best way to stay in touch with her brother between visits.
If it wasn’t too late, Michelle could use his to sign up for an on-line class through UCLA. Something challenging with a lot of homework, yet unrelated to her profession.
Relieved for that little bit of inspiration, she finally fell asleep. But it was fitful. She came awake before her alarm went off at seven.
After she’d showered and washed her hair, she dressed in blue denims and sandals. The rest of her outfit included a navy tank top layered with a white short sleeved, button-down blouse.
Yesterday afternoon she’d made arrangements about the house with the next door neighbor she paid to keep an eye on her place. Myrna Jensen had become a loyal friend who’d been so supportive of Michelle since Rob’s passing and could use the money. Michelle could trust the other woman to forward on her mail to Zak’s condo.
With that already accomplished, all she had to do this morning was pack.
And try to ignore this strange new sense of excitement she couldn’t ever remember experiencing before.
Surely it was a transitory aberration brought on because Zak had always been one of her favorite people. She hadn’t seen him for such a long time and he’d grown up a lot during the last two years.
That had to be the reason.
When she saw him again this morning, it wouldn’t be like yesterday. Her heart wouldn’t thud. She wouldn’t feel that weakness in her limbs. She wouldn’t concentrate on his mouth, imagining what it would feel like if it were covering hers.
Don’t, Michelle. Just…don’t.
She jerked a medium sized piece of luggage from the storage closet.
September at the beach could be warm to hot, or punctuated with days of fog and cooler weather, even rain. She’d better go prepared for any eventuality.
Michelle had become an expert at arranging things in one suitcase. As soon as she’d placed the cosmetic kit and medical case on top of her clothes, she closed the lid ready to go.
Remembering a time when Zak was recovering from an appendectomy and had enjoyed her reading to him, she pulled a couple of novels from the bookcase and put them in her purse along with her cell phone.
On the way out the door she grabbed the airline bag filled with crossword puzzles, board games, several decks of cards, a little battery operated radio, plenty of scratch paper and pens. Anything to help her patients escape the frustration of their physical inactivity. She never left for a job without it.
En route to Graham’s house she made three stops. One to a drive-in for breakfast. She ate while she drove to the service station to gas up the three-year-old Audi and get her tires checked. Last but not least, she bought several sacks of groceries at the supermarket. A half hour later she reached her destination and pulled in the driveway.
Because of Zak’s long legs, he’d be better off in a semi-reclining position in the front seat while they drove to Carlsbad. She got out of the car and went around to the other side to push the seat back as far as it would go. After making a few adjustments, she hurried past the tubs of flowering azaleas to the front door and rang the bell.
Her brother, who was dark blond with a lean six foot build, greeted her with a hug. His soulful blue eyes stared into hers. “I have to tell you I’m relieved you’re going to be the one looking after Zak. He puts on an act, but that’s all it is.”
“That chest tube was no fun, and he sustained a lot of bruising along with those fractured ribs. Give him a week and you’ll see a big difference. Is he running a temperature this morning?”
“A slight one.”
“That’s probably because he’s so anxious to get back to Carlsbad. How’s the nausea?”
“Sherilyn managed to get him to eat some scrambled egg and toast. So far he’s kept it down.”
“Good. The medicine’s helping then.”
“Thanks to you.”
She cocked her head. “Graham? Something else is wrong. What is it?” She was pretty sure she knew it had to do with Lynette, but she felt compelled to ask in order to be prepared for any eventuality.
He frowned. “Our daughter. Early this morning she came in our bedroom and announced she was withdrawing from her classes.”
Oh no.
“It
